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My husband’s in rehab and I know I’m going to need help. I may not always be away from home. Is it hard to be at home while they are there too?

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Not always.. we loved Dad's gal! She really became part of our family. You get to meet them first, so make sure you think she will be a good fit for your husband AND you. She was not just dads CG, but she became moms friend too. When she took dad for a walk, she took mom along.. and she freed mom up to do chores and such without worry.
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Just make sure you pick a reputable agency. We use Visiting Angels in FL. The franchise owner is awesome and came to interview my LOs personally. He is also caring for his own mother so could totally empathize with our situation. We had a few flops but he quickly found us a fantastic CG. She is totally like part of the family. Please don't be tempted to hire a private person, for many reasons. An agency is the way to go. Just a suggestion but may request a guy for your dad as he may feel more comfortable in certain hygiene/care situations. Plus he'd have a buddy. Blessings!
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Invisible Nov 2019
We were less fortunate with Visiting Angels in MN. Very expensive and not very flexible.
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Thanks I don’t know how comfortable it will be with another person in my home.
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GeminiUnicorn Nov 2019
It may take some time to build a trusting relation with the caregiver...and yes, it may be awkward at first...but with time, they do become part of the family!
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Beckymcd, it took me a long time to decide to hire help. I was my husband’s sole caregiver. As he became more disabled, I became less able to help him. It was affecting me both physically and emotionally and my husband was very stressed too. My main concern was having a stranger in the house.
I finally hired Home Instead. At first, it was a couple of days a week for 4 hrs. It turned out not to be so bad at all. Home Instead tries to find Caregivers who are compatible with their clients. After a few months, my husband had a small stroke. When he came home, he was getting some OT, PT, and speech therapy, so the house was having strangers everyday. I increased the caregivers to 4 hrs/7days a week/ 365 a year. There was a period of adjustment getting just the right people. I found that the care givers help me too. Sometimes, while they are here, I sleep. Other days, if my husband is sleeping, we talk or watch a movie. They wash his clothing, change his bedding, feed him, change him, talk to him, shave and bathe him and run errands for his benefit. I often work with them for his care.
The caregivers are vetted by Home Instead. My husband is lucky enough that he has a male caregiver 4-5 days per week. It is not weird having another man in the house. He does anything a female caregiver does. My husband totally “loves” him. He’s just a couple of years older than our son. We are blessed.
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Becky, once you are trusting of the caregiver, can't you just go out and run errands?

I can't stand being home when my cleaning person comes. I go out, even just to the library, while she is here.
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Alee123 Nov 2019
We have a relative whom we trust to sit with my mom once a week. We pay her. They color and do puzzles and have lots of fun. This gives my husband (who is in early alzheimers) and me some time to run errands, go shopping, just get out of the house for a few hours. When he gets worse, I don't know what I will do though. That worries me. Honestly, I cry alot when they are asleep.
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We have a wonder helper aid that comes in takes mom out to shopping therapy doctors movies mall we all shop to gather she's a lot of fun even brings her dogs with her we had her for two years brings her daughter from time to time we are very lucky she goes out of her way she even helps my aunt that's how we found her she's a great cook I would it trust any one else but her she's all so bounded



she's a big help even helped when she was in pain and her wisdom teeth pulled out last year when mom was in the hospital no one else would of even do that even her daughter helped that day to
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I was sometimes at home in another part of the house when the care givers were there. I felt fine about it, but they tended to interrupt my work with questions. A problem came up when my son, who had moved in when I moved out, was home once and use of the kitchen became a timing issue. The care giver was off schedule and my son didn't know. It really depends on how well people get along with people.
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Thanks everyone who answered
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My mother had problems with caregivers in the house. I had a talk with all parties. I told them that if everyone was there at the same time, it was still the caregiver's responsibility to take care of my father. I lived 8 hours away. Most crises arose after I left to go home. Hang in there. Let them work. Get some rest.
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It might at first but most people don't just disappear but get on with their own agenda - plan to do a 'get ahead' job for the first few times so that you are busy but available for passing on information to caretaker

Going out isn't necessary but many stay for a few minutes then leave for the break to do outside chores without the stress of leaving your LO alone while you do the shopping
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I found it helpful to be around while they are there, especially at the beginning. It's important to know that they are doing things the way you like, and that you feel they are a good match for you. Because you are there with them, you can develop a good working relationship with them. You don't have to be friends with your caregiver, but the best caregivers are the ones that do get to know you but remain professional. It doesn't happen in a day, but over time. My mom was lucky to have wonderful people who helped her in her last years who in fact became friends.
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NeedHelpWithMom Nov 2019
It is important to be there in the beginning, just to make sure they are following the routine that you have asked for.
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You will adapt to there presence and learn to be so grateful for their knowledge and there incredible way of helping you both. Try to learn their ways and trust them then let them do their job.
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Beckymcd Nov 2019
thanks
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I never thought I'd want people in the house but our caregivers have been with us so long that it's hard to imagine their NOT being here! The agency owner and her husband have been with us for over nine years. Another has been with us for going on six years, and the other two about 4 years. We had a few in the beginning who left for various reasons; we only had to let one go because she was nuts. They are all people who look around for things to do. Especially in the beginning, when my husband could pretty much do everything for himself physically, just needed supervision, but didn't think he needed any help (!), they helped me with the house a lot. Now they have to spend more time with him as he's completely dependent--severe dementia/parkinsons. But they still help me with shopping, laundry, cleaning, minor maintenance. They are a godsend. My worry: The two who we've had the longest are aging, too! They've had their own health problems, he's going deaf, she had colon cancer surgery, he had a couple of big surgeries...I know I should look for a "plan B" but there's so much to do even with all the help...
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Beckymcd Nov 2019
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It's good to be there sometimes when they come so you can see how they handle him and if they handle themselves professionally and are caring people.
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There are two basics: you need help and your caregiver needs to be paid. Then lots of variables to think about as well.

. Sometimes you both want ‘a friend for company’. Sometimes you don’t – one or both wants quiet personal space. I found it hard to be at home with a chatty cleaner.
' Sometimes you have lunch or a cuppa together, sometimes not. Perhaps ‘your’ rooms are out of bounds. Hurt feelings?
. Sometimes it’s all flexible. Caregiver will do more than the contract says if she has time, and you will let the hours change. Then again sometimes carer is on the phone if the agreed jobs run out.
' Some are honest, some aren’t. You can’t tell. You ought to put away everything valuable, including your wallet. It changes your house. My sister had $1000 stolen from her wallet by the ‘nicest’ person – she even came to BIL’s funeral and cried!

Try to sort it out in the contract, the first interview, and by taking up references if possible.
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Even though this was NOT my situation, I will answer in the affirmative - YES, it is good for you to be there some of the time while the caregiver is there.
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Beckymcd Nov 2019
Thanks
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Beckymcd: You're welcome.
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I worked for both Home Instead AND Visiting Angels (not at the same time, that's a no-no--)

Had almost issues with HI as they were probably thrilled to get someone to work for them who wasn't illegally here, could speak English, had a decent work ethic and wasn't 18 years old and living on their cell phones.

The family was in and out all day--my client and I did what SHE wanted and needed and I learned quickly to acquiesce to what SHE wanted and what was doable. She had so much energy, I literally could not keep up with her. A 4 day week with her about killed ME.

This family was wonderful and accepted and trusted me after just a few weeks. My client did wind up being placed in a LOVELY assisted living--and she still wanted me couple days a week--but there was no need for me.

I took a break ad decided to try Visting Angels--(you need to know that theses agencies are franchised out, so what I got here in UT might be totally a 180 from what someone in CA would experience. This particular agency was poorly run and I didn't stay more than a month. They kept giving me clients who weighed over 300 lbs and expected me to help them get up and down and into my car.

I couldn't seem to get a good 'match' with them so I quit.

Be aware that although the client pays a lot for theses services, the CG doesn't get much more than minimum wage. And usually no raises. It's depressing at times.

Good Luck in this. I wish so much we had gotten Mother to accept care from HI. She wanted help, but YB but the kibosh on it and now he has double the workload.
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anonymous981049 Nov 2019
Thanks for giving us insight. At some point I will have to go this route
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