Can I hire my 21 year old daughter to watch my Mom while I run errands or just need to get out of the house for a while?

Yes, you should pay her. Caring for an elderly person is a great responsibility. Does she want to do it? You would have to pay anyone else. Why not her?

First of all Raven, I don't feel that your daughter is giving up her life and time, to help care for her grandmother. Your only asking for help, when you need to go some where. Pay her, seriously? She should want to do this out of the goodness of her heart. I helped with my grandparents, when I was a teenager, and I learned compassion, responsibility and a lot more, AND I would have NEVER, thought about getting paid! Your daughter is still living under your roof, and I'm sure not paying rent or contributing financially, so she should surely help as needed, without pay. You have enough on your plate and she should surely, want to help you. Just my opinion.....and good luck.

I am my mothers POA as well. I have three sisters that have been coming once weekend a month for the last year. I have a caretaker during the day while I work and I also do my one weekend a month. Myself and my son share the week day afternoons and evenings until she goes to bed. Two of my sisters decided they couldn't do it anymore so that puts burden back onto me an my son. The one sister that will continue to come can only do one weekend a month, because of the driving distance. Since myself, my son and my sons girlfriend will have to continue the care during the week and pick up for the other two sisters on weekends we will be paid first out of whatever is left over from my moms estate once she passes. One of the reasons I have decided to pay my self, my son and his girlfriend for their time is because there are two other sisters and eight other grandchildren that don't even come visit let alone help with her care. To be fair I will not pay myself for the one weekend a month I would normally do.

Wow, cleogin... not everyone considers it a privilege to look after elderly people with dementia. I'm so glad for you that it's something you enjoy but I, for one, absolutely do not. And I certainly would have enjoyed it even less at age 21. You know basically nothing about this family... Grandma might be the sweetest old lady with dementia that anyone ever met, or she might be a gigantic pain in the a**. You don't know. The point is everyone's situation is different and you should not judge, especially given so few facts. Raven1, I don't know the legalities... perhaps your POA document specifies something about this(?) I know mine has some wording about being allowed to pay for reasonable care expenses and even gifts to family members given certain circumstances. As for your siblings expecting payment for helping I would just tell them that you provide care for your mother most of the time without payment and you expect her other children to also continue providing care without pay on the rare occasions when they do. *Your* child is a different story, IMO - I think you're absolutely right - it is not fair to ask a 21 yr-old student to give up her free time to care for an elderly relative with dementia. If she should choose to do so then good for her, but I certainly wouldn't have chosen that at that age - people can judge me if they want to. I don't even want to do it now at more than twice that age. I do it, but at least they are my own parents, and it is totally out of a sense of obligation - they never really took the best care of me. I have offered to pay other members of my family to help with my parents and they won't even do it for money. Anyway, that's off point . Also, as far as your siblings go, unless you are required to give them a periodic accounting of your mother's expenses then what they don't know won't hurt them. I'm not suggesting you do anything with your mother's money that would be grossly unfair, but some reasonable and fair payment to your daughter when you need a break would not be out of line, in my humble opinion, providing it is in line with the POA document, of course.

Can't your daughter watch her grandmother without being paid? Honestly, what is this world coming to when a family member has to be paid for helping another in the family!

I pay my daughter-in-law to watch my husband every Monday for 5 hours. He has LBD. She needs the money and I would rather pay her than a stranger whom my husband would not like. Of course she would do it for free if I asked her but with the way the economy is now - I am happy to help her as she helps me.

If your daughter is willing and interested in looking after her grandmother for pay, I say go for it! You get a break, your daughter and mother get time together, and your daughter makes a bit of money. Win win!

YOU ARE RIGHT NOT TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOUR DAUGHTER ! ! I would think if you were running down to the local drugstore for 15 minutes to pick up a prescription or something of that nature, and your daughter was home, it would be reasonable for her to watch her grandmother. But if you're talking about planning a more extended amount of time away from home, doing some YOU things and asking your daughter for a committed amount of time to actually "take care" of her grandma, then payment is in order. even though its not legally necessary, I suggest you look elsewhere on this site for a sample of a Personal Service Agreement that has been recommended as a legitimate payment for even Medicaid patients. It specifies the scope of service and the agreed upon payment and makes it a legal expense even as far as Medicaid is concern. If you have the forethought to do this, set up formally so to speak, your sisters would look pretty silly objecting. And I agree with the other posters, YOU are not being paid for FULL TIME CARE (although YOU could be compensated at some level with your own personal service agreement), but your sisters need not be compensated for small amounts of time companion sitting their own mother.

Ferris1 -- Why do you assume her daughter would want to care for her elderly grandmother with dementia without being paid? Should she be forced to do it? You know nothing about their relationship, or about how much care is involved. It is not a grandchild's obligation to care for an aging, sick grandparent. If they choose to do it that's one thing, but it is not her obligation.

Thank you all for taking time to answer my question. My daughter is a senior in college who is struggling at this time as she has run out of financial aid and she has not graduated. She has never asked me for a dime to care for my mother, however I am very stressed and I honestly need a break.

I would love to take a class, even a cooking class, just anything to get out of the house for a while during the week. The only time I leave the house now are for doctor appointments, which are rare. I ask her to go buy groceries, pick up Mom's RX's, just anything that I cannot get out of the house to do and she does it without complaining and she uses her gas and car. She has not been able to find a job and honestly at times I am glad because I need the help, but I know it is only a matter of time and she will be working.

If I want to get out of the house and do not have the option of my daughter then I would have to pay someone to stay with her, this is why I asked the question...If I have to pay a stranger, then why am I not paying her and giving her a little spending money? I did not have a good reason not to.

My Mom has her moments of being verbal and angry. The other grandchildren will not even come to the house any longer as they do not want to be around it. My daughter however, has no such escape. I have not even mentioned this to her and she may not want to have anything to do with it when I do, I just needed someone to bounce this thought off of. I think my Mom would do much better if the person staying with her was someone she knows as her memory only lasts about 15 minutes.

I decided to take on the care of my mother because she cared for me when I was ill. I have also care for her sister, my father and brother in law and now Mom and I did it out of love, but it has turned into obligation that has gone on for over 10 years and I am worn out. Something has got to change, I am mentally and emotionally depleted.