These include memory loss and Alzheimer's, stage 1. I am the complete package, including outside and inside home management.
She can still do toilet duties and dress herself... that's pretty much it, and I am fine with it. My responsibility, and I can handle it. My problem is, indoor temperature setting, She insists on minimum 80 degrees and she is happier with 82 or 83! In winter it is bearable, but in 90 degree and up days in summer, it gets so oppressive I can hardly bear it. I go to the basement or next door to neighbors when it is unbearable and at night I can hardly sleep. I know others have this problem and wonder how they handle it respectfully...

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I would get a new thermostat installed and have the old one disconnected from the system but, still be able to set the temperature. So she thinks that she is setting the temp at 82° and you can set it to a comfortable temperature for you. I would have the new one placed where it doesn't get her attention. This is usually fairly simple to do and shouldn't cost an arm and a leg.

Buy her warmer clothes, help her to layer when she is getting dressed. So she feels comfortable as well.

I worked in an office with penguins, 63° year round, and I married a lizard, 80° works, I would much rather try to get warm than be over heated. I finally converted my husband to a penguin and we installed mini-split units in our home. Now every room can be kept at the desired temperature. You could check out installing one in a room just for you. I highly recommend them and truly wonder why they aren't used more in the USA. They are highly energy efficient and if you clean the filter regularly, no maintenance necessary.

My heart goes out to you. I am not able to deal with stifling heat and I would collapse in 80° interior temps.
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My husband too was very cold natured all year long, which of course was a problem for me as I am the complete opposite. He was bedridden for the last 22 months of his life, and he just wore a sweatshirt with a hood on it, that he would keep pulled tight around his head. There were times too that he would wear a long sleeved shirt and a winter cap on his head. And he always required multiple blankets on as well, which I was fine with, as I wasn't about to roast to death in my home,(especially since I was the one doing all the work) and the fact that we live in NC, where we pretty much have summer temps 8 months out of the year, he was content just to bundle up and I didn't have to sweat in my own home.
Like I always told him(as he was cold natured for years before he was bedridden)you can always put more stuff on to keep warm, but I can only take off but so much to keep cool. So bundle your dear wife up in some warm winter clothing, and turn that thermostat down, so you can enjoy being in your own home, without sweating to death.
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AliBoBali Jun 2021
My father wears a hoodie with a winter scarf over the top of his head year round. I am amazed he needs that much layering even in summer but it's what he is comfortable in and I was just glad I could talk him out of changing the thermostat.
Who sets the controls? If it's you, this is one occasion when I would go along with the "therapeutic fib" and assure her that the thermostat is at the correct setting.

But if she says she feels cold, then she is cold. What about cosier clothes? - fleecy pyjamas, a warm cardigan, a shawl or soft blanket?

The thermostat wars, by the way, are a classic Mars vs. Venus battleground. You certainly aren't alone!
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I read reports of caregivers quitting caring for my grandmother and father in their house due to it being too hot. At one point, a care agency talked about putting a lock-box on the thermostat, which I knew would not go over well with my father. My grandmother was always cold and my father had wonky ideas about heat and AC settings. I worked it out pretty well by educating my dad on what normal indoor temp settings should be and got reinforcement from doctors and anyone else he would respect the opinions of. He stopped being so stubborn about it and I bought both of them a bunch of warmer, fleece and flannel pajama/clothes they could wear all day. It wasn't a problem for anyone in the house after that.

Would your wife benefit from fleece jumpsuit onesies, or similar, that would keep her much warmer? Maybe try buying 1-2 and see if it helps. Will she listen to respected friends, family, and others if they tell her that the thermostat settings are extreme? And there is an option of putting in a remote controlled thermostat, too. Do you think that could help if you could change the settings without her noticing, especially at night?
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Has she had a recent thyroid test? Ask her doctor for a complete thyroid panel, not just a simple screening test.

Body temperature regulation, either too hot or too cold, is a primary symptom of thyroid problems.

If Identified, treatment can be undertaken to help.
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disgustedtoo Jun 2021
None of the residents in mom's MC had thyroid problems, but they were ALWAYS cold, no matter what time of year. I found it perfectly comfortable, so it wasn't the facility being cheap on the heat or AC. This seems to be a common thing among many with dementia.

I arrived at my mother's condo once, in summer and the place was like a sauna! She had moved the switch from cool to heat. The heat wasn't running, but neither was the AC! I was sweating bullets in no time! My brother ended up putting in a Nest thermostat. She couldn't figure it out. He set it for various times, but could also check it remotely, via the WiFi.

Certainly it could be thyroid, but more likely it's the dementia.
If it would be acceptable to you and your wife to sleep in separate rooms, a single room air conditioner could make sleeping much better for you. We run one in our bedroom so we aren’t air conditioning the entire house unnecessarily. It could also give you a room to retreat to when you get too warm. Sometimes at my mother’s I have to go outside to cool off as she keeps her place at those high temps, too.

An electric blanket for where she sits and sleeps, too - as others have suggested - might let you move the thermostat down a bit.
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My DH is ALWAYS cold--and he simply wears a sweatshirt and even a light coat when he is home. I do all the housework and yardwork and his job is 100% sedentary, so he doesn't work up a sweat, ever.

I have to be in a COLD room to sleep well, that's always been the case. So I moved out of our bedroom 10 years ago and we'll never share a bed b/c even in the hottest summer months, he has 2 down comforters on the bed and often sleeps with a hot water bottle. He's 69, hardly old...but is always freezing. It hit 100 here yesterday, I hid out in my basement craft room and sewed all day--he was upstairs watching TV all day and his room was probably 90 degrees. I told him he should go live with his mother during the summer as she keeps her house super warm. Indoor temps over 75 make me actually sick.

DH has had complete physicals, he is on thyroid medication, but I don't think it helps at all. I'm sure he's chronically dehydrated which is a problem too, but I just can't force him to take care of himself. I just pile the blankets on him and walk out the door.
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CaregiverL Jun 2021
Hi Midkid! Maybe his thyroid meds need adjustment. Tell him to make an appointment & go with him to talk to dr…because he’ll tell dr he feels fine & there’s no problem. Hugs 🤗
I am incredibly cold all of the time.

My thyroid numbers are monitored by a specialist. They are as low as they can go.


I live in Florida.

It is June, as I write this.

I am 57 years old.

I keep two blankets and a down comforter on my side of the bed.

I am not “stubborn”.

It is just how my body works.

I agree with layering your beloved, and dressing for the tropics for you.

Best wishes to you!
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Extra layers for the wife might help. If possible, replace the thermostat with a model she can't read/figure out. My brother put in a Nest. Mom had the older style manual switch for heat/cool, but also allowed setting for certain times and manual override. The Nest she didn't mess with, and he could monitor it remotely via WiFi.

A separate room that you can keep at the temp you like would be better than running outside or to a neighbor's house. If you have baseboard hot water heat, close the covers - it will still get heat, but less. Put in a small window AC unit for summer.

If she wears more layers/warmer clothes, perhaps try turning the temp down, one degree at a time, and see how she adjusts. Trying to turn it down 10 degrees at a whack will be noticeable. A little bit over time might allow adjustment.
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That is crazy to have it >80! I would be sooo uncomfortable and would never be able to sleep.

You need to get that temp down. Try 75 and get her dressing in layers so that she can keep herself warm enough. She can wear a hat to help keep her heat in! And fingerless gloves. And heavy socks. Long johns.

At night, the temp should/could come down even more.
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