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My Mom is 86 and has severe osteoarthritis in her knees (as well as osteoperosis) She is also very unsteady & not a candidate for knee replacement. Mom uses a walker and is in assisted living (thank god). Here is the issue: Mom can barely get out of a chair, off a toilet and so forth. This becomes a major issue when I take her out. I'm a petite gal (with pre-osteopena) and while I manage to help her up, I'm becoming increasingly concerned and stressed that one day I won't be able to, or even if I'm holding her she is going to lose her balance (or her legs will collapse) taking us both down. (Mom weighs about 140) Mom also gets extremely panicky~ she's starts flipping out, screaming that I'm not holding her etc. This obviously adds stress to the whole situation. It's getting to the point where I dread taking her out cause I'm afraid. I feel bad, but I really fear something is going to happen (she's fallen in her room several times, and it always takes two people to help her) I should also mention that Mom is incontinent so going to the bathroom is a given while we are out. She uses the bathroom's handicap stall if available but sometimes the seat is too low for her to get up from. Also, once she's up she'll also start crying cause she is in so much pain (initially anyway) I just don't want to take her out anymore~ I feel horrible for feeling this way. Her assisted living facility is very nice and she does have opportunities to get out~ so it's not like she'd be a prisoner....thoughts/suggestions???

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A couple thoughts come to mind from my experiences with my mother (96 with osteoarthritis). The first one is how to help her up and down safely. I had an occupational therapist work with me and my mother so I could learn how to manage her and for her to feel sate. It was a one-time visit to her facility, and it helped us both a lot. Has she been seen by her doctor to help deal with the issues you describe? Perhaps there is something that can be done for the pain. My mother is on a very low dose time release morphine script. That keeps her pain under control overnight, and she functions better the next day because she's had a good night's sleep. I also recently took her to see a musculoskeletal doctor to evaluate her wrist in her case because she could no longer cut her food or hold things because of loss of feeling in her hands. He was able to give her an injection in her wrist that has helped her quite a bit. Perhaps there is something short of surgery that could give her relief. The referral to this doctor was done by her primary care physician. Hope this helps.
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At my dad's assisted living facility we are able to hire personal assistants on an hourly basis that are allowed to come out into the community with us. I am no longer able to take my dad out without the help of one of these assistants who are better trained in patient care and much younger than I am.
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Would she be willing to wear a diaper when she goes out? This would solve the bathroom problem.
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All good suggestions. Definitely do not take her out alone anymore. Only go to places where you know there are good handicap facilities. There is much more awareness these days about the needs of the handicapped. In NYS all businesses must be handicap acessible or there must be someone availsble to help that person. I have noticed that many fast food places have converted their 2 stall bathrooms into a much larger 1 stall to accomodate the needs of the handicapped. if you can not take her out safely alone given her disability and pain it is prudent not to do it. can you just take her for car rides where the facility will help her in and out of the car. If you need food just do a drive thro or maybe only stop for ice cream. There are also specialist pain clinics that can do much to help these days. pain like dementia is a much underserved condition but equally devastating
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Grandma Lynn is righ she should be getting PT and OT at her ALF to get her stronger.....if not look into a Rehab Hospital usually a 2 week stay for intensive therapy they can do wonders. Sounds as if she is ready for a wheelchair not a walker and they can teach her to transfer from that maybe just with the assistance of the walker for transfers. Don't take her out unless in a transport wheelchair until she is better if she gets better.Don't get yourself hurt in the process!
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I just want to say - don't feel bad about not wanting to take her out! My mom is confined to a wheelchair due to mobility issues. We tried taking her to see my grandma last year, who was dying. My mom is heavy--230 pounds. She is able to transfer to the toiled with a walker and two people. Of course she had to use the bathroom since we were 45 minutes away from her nursing home. However, when we attempted to get her into our vehicle, she started falling. My fiance could not hold her, so I ran back into grandma's nursing home and got a couple people to come out and help. It took us 30 minutes to get her into the vehicle. I will not ever take her out again. Our only alternative is to get a taxi that has a wheelchair lift so she can stay in her wheelchair the entire time...and yes, she was to wear a diaper. You cannot feel bad about this. You can only do so much, and you don't want to hurt yourself--or both of you. Always check for options with her assisted living facility--they are aware of what is available to help YOU help her!
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I don't even take my Mom up and down stairs. TG I have my husband. If I didn't, I wouldn't be able to care for her since I live in a split level with 4 floors. I'm 65, 5ft tall and have no upper body strength so taking my Mom out by myself wouldn't happen. With my husband I get her out to eat and out of the house. I have her use the bathroom before we leave. I don't want to use a stall. Too confining. She does useca pullup and that started at rehab. So, if I were you, without help, I would not take my Mom out. See if you can bring lunch in and sit at a table alone or eat dinner there. You just pay for ur meal. You don't want her to fall and u harm yourself in the process.
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Loved one has to co-operate with PT to get stronger. Many have forgotten how or simply don't want to.
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Even if she has had therapy before Medicare will allow it again within a certain time frame. Yes, if she refuses therapy 3x they can't continue.
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Don't take her out. You say she has opportunities to go out at the ALF. That apparently means they have staff to help her. Go with her on some of these outings. You aren't capable enough to take her out on your own. Can't be fun for either of you.
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