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So my 70 year old mother lives alone just down the road from us. She has Social Security and a small pension that my dad left her when he passed. However, she will always have a mortgage payment because of how many times she has refinanced. So money is running tight. My husband refuses to let her move in with us even though we have the room and we have no children. I honestly don’t know if that would be a good decision anyway for us because of how tense things would get between all of us. Problem is... she is Bipolar One and is more of a depressive Bipolar (doesn’t have a lot of manic swings). She is having an awful time getting a job because she’s always in a fog. She is actually functioning well on her own in her one story rancher. However, she has a cat who my husband says has peed on everything. There is an awful stench when we walk into her house and while it doesn’t smell like cat pee to me... he says that’s what it is. He says we can’t let her live like that and she has absolutely no extra money to put in all new carpeting and padding as we’d probably be looking at around $6,000. Are there organizations that would help with this? I don’t want her to end up in a state facility. I can’t bear to see my mom end up there. She does have Amish neighbors as we live in one of those types of communities in the countryside. So we’re going to see if any of them could help. I just don’t know what to do and my husband says we need to just call Office of Aging. But all my friends in the geriatric nursing care field (I have a few) tell me I do NOT want to go that route. They say once they’re involved they’ll never let we’ll enough alone. Any advice on home improvement organizations would be greatly appreciated. I’m in such a bind here!!

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If your city has a Senior Center, call them. People there will have an idea if there’s any help available. You can also call 211 which is the United Way and ask if there’s help available. There’s also your local Area Agency on Aging. Good luck. I hope you can find her some help.
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Not in a city. Out in the countryside. But I’ll look into these things.
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without calling Office on Aging I doubt you will find much help. Most people are working to pay their own bills and not able to financially help others.
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Also, isn’t the Area Agency on Aging the same thing as the Office of Aging? Not being smart. Just trying to make sure I understand correctly.
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I'm confused. You don't smell cat urine, your husband says it definitely is. Your mother still has a cat, right? So what good would it do to lay down new carpets and have it happen again, if that's what's happening to begin with? And what about the furniture..........if the cat's been urinating all over it, IT would need replacement too, no? And, why would she end up in a state facility..........because of the smell in her home? I think that's highly doubtful myself, since lots of senior's home smell of urine in general.

Then you say it's hard for her to get a job b/c of Bipolar One and always being in a fog. At 70 years old, I would imagine it's next to impossible for her to find ANY job, regardless of her state of mind or anything else. I am 62 and it took me forever to find a job...........age discrimination is a very real thing in our society.

I guess I don't see the 'bind' you're in. Your mother seems to be doing fine on her own, at least for the moment, so maybe just leave well enough alone. If you feel the need to find out if there's financial help available to her for new carpeting, Ahmijoy gave you some excellent resources to check out. If you don't want to calling the Area Agency on Aging, I guess your only option to help your mother is to foot the bill yourself for whatever home improvements she needs.

Best of luck!
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Mandolina Oct 2019
Yes, my mother still has her cat. Which likely isn’t going to be with us much longer. We’re talking to her about putting the cat down as she is likely in renal failure. It’s a heartbreaking discussion to have with her, especially coming up on the one year anniversary of my fathers passing. The cat is 13 years old and had been the only other thing she’s had during my dad’s passing. But it’s a discussion we have to have. Aside from that, the bind that I’m in is that my husband is appalled at the smell in her home. He says it’s unsanitary and I’m letting her live like this. I am the only child and I feel that I’m doing the best I can. And while I know he genuinely has a good heart and only cares about my mother, he’s taking it very personally that I haven’t done anything about all this yet. The outside of her home needs some repairs to gutters and trim and needs some landscaping redone. These are all things we agreed we have the means (for the most part) to help with, especially with the help of some neighbors. Her bathroom needs work. She’s going to need a new tub and probably some drywall done in there as well. We know a few people that could possibly help, and I told him we could probably get her a cheap tub/shower at the local Habitat Re-Store. However, the carpeting is making him very upset. I honestly can’t pinpoint that it is her carpeting. He says it’s on her carpeting and on everything. I too said the same thing, if it’s on everything like you truly say it is... who is going to be able to come through and help with this then? His response is that I’m not looking into this enough and that there “MUST” be help out there. My dad was a Vietnam Vet (double Purple Heart Recipient), but refused to take any assistance... EVER. But I don’t know if that would benefit my mom at this point or not. I see there is a Habitat for Humanity Repair Corps, but it says the veteran must be living in the home and that it would be a zero percent interest loan. Which would mean she would have to pay it back... and her budget is already extremely tight as it is. Of course I’m seeing online that “low income” for seniors is $30,000. But she makes JUST above that with SSI and pension. I don’t know what to do or who to call... but I guess I can start with Aging. My husband is convinced that if I call Aging... they’ll come out... take one whiff of the place and say it’s unsanitary and she needs to get out. My husband grew up in a nice home in a pretty development. I grew up in a one story rancher where my father chain smoked. His idea of what is “sanitary” is very different than mine. I walk in there and say, “Wow... I think we need to wipe down some walls, shampoo her rugs, open the windows and light a few candles.” His thought is... the cat is urinating on the carpets and furniture... it’s soaked through everything... and there’s no way we can fix this on our own. My thought on why it smells so bad is that there is a chair... a heavy lift chair... that’s sitting in their living room. This chair is the one my dad was sitting on last year and had several “accidents” on and we had to get him cleaned up and spray down the chair and do all that. I’ve been telling my husband it’s filling the home with an awful odor and we need to get it out. And while he keeps saying he needs to find someone to help move it... he maintains that it’s the cat making accidents in the home. Even though we’ve never once actually witnessed the cat urinate on the floor. I smell the chair and I can smell the odor... he says he can’t. So it’s a very opinionated topic and it’s causing a LOT of stress between us. Even my MIL tells me... just tell him to get the chair out. And I do... but it never happens and then here we sit. I told him maybe my nose is broke... but I smell nothing on the carpets or the furniture. Just that dumb chair!
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Office for Aging and Area office on Aging are the same - different name in different places. They have little to do with placing people in facilities.
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Instead of new carpet, what about vinyl flooring? I think it’s cheaper and definitely easier to clean!
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I have had to search for home repair organizations for my mom because her house is literally falling apart. You could see if Habitat for Humanity is near you, they help with home repairs. Otherwise the ADRC should have a directory that would list home repair places.
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I would buy about 10 gallons of white vinegar and saturate the chair and spray the carpet and furniture until it is wet. Open everything up, run fans and get mom and cat out for a couple of days to let everything dry.

The vinegar smell will go away as it dries and it kills the enzymes that cause the odor.

Cheap effective solution for odors and a good stain remover.

If your mom is competent, no agency will ever say she can't live as she chooses, filthy, unsanitary and worse, it's called rights. I know from personal experience that no one will intervene because of the odor or mess.

Your husband sounds like he is spoiling for a fight, are other things going on and he is using this situation to be ugly and cover the real issue?
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