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I live in the Bay Area (East Bay). There are things I just don't quite understand. I need help understanding what I need to do. This is for my mother; turning 88 this month and has worsening dementia.

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Try your nearest American Legion or VFW or other veterans' hall. They will be all too glad to help.
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A veteran certainly CAN get both service-connected disability benefits and also A & A, depending on whether the veteran qualifies under all the requirements for A & A. Find another VSO that knows what they're talking about.
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The path of least resistance is to call your county Veterans Affairs office and get an appointment. Bring military and marriage records with you. The county Veterans Affairs office will be able to set you up with a military service organization such as the Marine Corps League (there are many others depending on branch of service) who will assist you with your application. I filled all the original paperwork out myself, but when I received letters asking for more information, I enlisted the help of the Marine Corps League. They were able to help me by taking over communicating with the VA. My father is 90 and 1/2 now but has been receiving benefits for nearly 2 years now. He is not in good health and cannot be left alone. The VA aid and attendance check he receives each month pays for his full-time caretaker (a live-in relative who works at less than the going rate). This arrangement has made it possible for father to stay in his own home instead of going to a nursing home or other facility. There are criteria that must be met in order to qualify. The veteran must have served in a branch of the military during a time of war. Income must be below a certain level and assets (not counting the home) cannot exceed $80,000. You must be organized when you apply or it is likely that the service organization will not be able to help you either. So, arm yourself with the proper information and make an appointment. If your veteran meets the qualifications and criteria, he or she will receive help. The amount of help depends on the relationship between their income and their care expenses. Good records must be kept. I hope this helps someone.
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can my Ad get A&A if he gets a Social security check? My Husband has emphysema and I have RA on injections of Methotrexate . We are both totally disable as well. My dad has bath assistance 3xwk and a sitter 2 x month. But ineed more help!
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the issue isn't getting a SS check; it's the amount of household income and assets, and whether or not he's already getting service connected disability.

I called a local VSO recently and was advised Dad could get one or the other - either the service connected disability or the A & A - but not both. Just to be sure, I'll call another service rep to see if I get the same answer.
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If your mother's assets are less than 80,000 (deducting medical costs etc.) and she is a veteran or a surviving spouse of a veteran, she can get VA benefits. I just did this for my mom who is 90. Go to your county offices web site. Find the office of veteran's affairs. There are counselors available who can help you file for benefits. Believe me, it's not an easy task but it can be done. Good luck
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