Hello. My husband and now have my mother living with us. She is 84. I have 2 brothers that basically only stop in for an occasional visit. My older sister who is single, handles moms finances. She WANTS to be able to help more but my mom really doesn't want her around but to visit. They just seem to clash. Mom and I have always been close. Now we are even closer. She's used to me and we have a routine.
The problem is that my mother is now becoming rude to my sis. Snotty comments, mean looks etc. For years my mom would complain about my sister but wouldn't say anything directly to her for fear of hurting her feelings. Now she just blurts it out! Which I'm sure is normal. She's usually forgotten by the next day. But my sister hasn't. She loves my mother but is getting tired of her attitude. I'm stuck in the middle because I feel horrible for my sister but even after I've talked to my mom about it (at the time she is remorseful and embarrassed) but forgets quickly.
I'm at a loss. I seriously wish I could tell my sister to just come for an occasional visit with my mom. My mom seems to be able to handle that. But that would hurt her feelings. She wants to give me some relief and help with moms care. There is no way I could tell her the truth. My husband and I are going away for a weekend soon. I'm so worried about how my mom will treat my sister while we're gone!
Tonight was the last straw. I needed to take my mom to have an MRI. Late at night. My sister wanted to come with. Of course my mother wasn't thrilled. So anyway, we went. My mother was having trouble filling out the paperwork. I let her try so she didn't feel like a child. Just as I was about to offer my help, my sister took the clipboard from my mom and started filling it out. My mom didn't say a word. When we got her into a room I started helping her undress etc. my sister started to help too. It got a bit chaotic. But I didn't want to ask her to let me do it! My mom finally said "Linda can do it!"😳 I felt horrible. My sister got tears in her eyes and sat down. Anyway, we ended up not having the MRI because it was too painful for mom to lay on her back that long. By the time I got her redressed, got her oxygen back on, got her out to the car and back home, she was so upset she was starting to hyperventilate a little. She could hardly walk from the car to the house. (My sister was gone by this time.) I got mom in, got her comfortable, did our normal bedtime ritual etc. She finally calmed down and acted like herself again. Come to find out she was very stressed out because of my sister.
I'm at wits end. It gets old thinking about how worthless my brothers are. My mom pretty much would be happy if it was just myself, my hubby and her! Always. She doesn't care any more if her friends or my aunts want to visit! She's happy to be with us and her cats. All this and it's only been about a month and a half! And this is the easy part!🙀