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I have a friend who lives in an assisted living facility. My friend has no living family to look after her. Just a power of attorney who has no history with my friend who is abusing his power as her agent. I want to help her. POA has stolen from her, drives her car, tried to illegally sell her house but couldn't, does not maintain her property and often gets fined by code enforcement. POA writes checks using her account and she never sees her statements. She is unaware of the fines she has paid, unaware of POA driving her car, unaware of POA trying to sell house, unaware of POA emptying her house and donating all of her belongings. POA restricts and supervises visits. POA instructs me to keep quiet about all of these things I have mentioned and if I tell my friend he will not allow me to visit.

I know that legally he can't do that but he is. The assisted living will only allow visits that POA approves. And POA or their staff supervise the visits. She was diagnosed with dementia but is very sharp. She is perfectly capable of having normal conversations and is very clear about what she wants and doesn't want. She is not incompetent and wishes she never would have signed over POA. She wants to revoke him. I am able to call her and when I do she asks me to come visit but they won't allow it unless POA is there. She asked me of I would be willing to be her POA. She and I both know that's a huge responsibility but after consideration I agreed to do it with an attorneys guidance. We told the assisted living what we planned to do and that we would be seeking counsel. We also told assisted living everything about her POA. All they said is that he pays her bill on time every month. My friend just wants help and nobody seems to care. Nobody wants to help because she is in memory care. She doesn't have family and her POA knows it. I've emailed the ombudsman but waiting to hear back. We've called the police to report theft about her POA clearing out her house( but he kept what he wanted of hers jewelry, purple heart, expensive China, etc.) The police said we have to go to the police department where the theft occurred which is the next city over. My friend asks me and the facility to take her so she can file charges on her POA but the assisted living won't take her & wont allow me to take her to the police. They won't allow me to take her to lunch or for a walk or even visit without her POA. It's like she is their prisoner and has no rights. He is taking advantage of a vulnerable woman who he knows has no family. I don't have $400 to file for emergency conservatory.

It seems to me that all it would take to start this is to revoke POA which she requested but assisted living won't allow anyone in there to assist with that. And she certainly can't do it because they treat her like a prisoner. They will hand her a cordless if someone calls. Other than that it's not accessible. It's hard to believe she is suffering from dementia because the times I am allowed (supervised) visits she is very coherent and articulate & consistent with her wishes. I've seen her in the morning, afternoon, evening. I am no more alert and aware than she is. It's very sad to see her in memory care because I look around at other residents and my heart breaks for them because they truly do appear to be unaware and out of it. Then I look at my friend, awake alert and as sweet as can be and I wonder why isnt she on a different floor with other residents with whom she can talk and do activities. Her POA also has medical & I wonder if he requested her to be in memory care. He feels he has more control & can take advantage even more so now that she is in memory care. She doesn't want to be there. She also said she isn't going to try and escape. She knows she can't drive anywhere. It's very apparent how disappointed she is in her POA. She doesn't even look at him when I visit. She expressed this to staff at Assisted Living & nobody is willing to help her.

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If possible have the police come to her.
Her CNA has no right to deny her going to the police. This person has a paper trail that she needs to get a hold of for proof. She should talk to her dr about a trip to the police and a lawyer. They may have power of attorney, if she has a will, she is still the Trustee. That means this person has to follow the will and her wishes. If they arent doing or following what is written, then thats where the lawyer comes in. She can always change the POA. If the lawyer has concern he will ask for receipts cancelled checks and copies of all of the purchases and the sale of the house.
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AFVera Oct 13, 2019
Thank you Lily. I thought about asking the police to come to her. That may be my next step. Again I just can't believe how much control Assisted Living Facilities and Power of Attorneys have over these residents. My focus is getting her the help she needs. After that I'd really like to learn more about state laws and residents rights and how to help residents protect those rights without fear of being harassed, rejected, ejected and neglected.
Thank you again for your advice. I will call the police and see if they will come to facility.
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Why do you keep repeating yourself with the same lengthy posts?
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AFVera Oct 13, 2019
Why do you keep reading them?
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I don't see how the POA can be driving the lady's car on her insurance policy from day to day without profiting by it, and that in itself is an abuse of POA.

AFVera, I'm glad you've at least drawn the ombudsman's attention to what is going on, and I hope you'll get some results.

I'm very puzzled by the response you've had so far from the authorities you've approached. Just go to https://aging.georgia.gov/abuse-neglect-and-exploitation-risk-adults-georgia and you can see at a glance that excuses such as "it's a civil matter" are nonsense.

What I'd recommend is that you summarise the facts you've witnessed for yourself and get them down on paper. Your initial post here, for example, wasn't clear about where the information was coming from: it could have been the case that you were listening too eagerly to your friend and your friend was making the accusations, and so we weren't sure how reliable the account was. But your further clarifications are quite different: these are events you have witnessed with your own eyes, and statements you have heard with your own ears voiced by the man himself.

I should do a timeline of events, keeping strictly to things you know to be fact; and I really hope the state will make an application for guardianship. The POA neighbour may not have evil intentions, but he is certainly not acting in line with the legal responsibilities your friend gave him - possibly because he doesn't even realise there are any!
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AFVera Oct 10, 2019
TThank you! I will do that.
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AFVera, I'm sorry, its still unclear to me if the neighbor is looking after your friends best interests or not. He very well may be acting in good faith. Since APS is involved I would let them do their job and wait and see what they do.
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I forgot to mention my friend was moved to memory care over the summer. Her agent became POA last summer 2018 after she had an injury. He put her in assisted living but she was not in memory care unit until June 2019. POA emptied her house back in February of 2019 Months before she moved to the lower floor for memory care.
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Her POA is a neighbor who has no family ties and no history with her or her family. POA saw her on the front porch everyday and he decided to start chatting with her. My friend told him she was going to have all new windows put in and I believe POA realized she was vulnerable and perhaps he is an opportunist. That was about 14 months ago.
My friend had an injury about a year ago and he offered to be her POA since she didn't have family. He put her in assisted living. Tried to do repairs on her home and ended up busting pipes and flooded her basement. I noticed boxes upon boxes being stored outside and asked him what was going on. He told me he was emptying her house and donating all of her things. Even said I was welcome to take anything I want. I saw family photos, bibles, trophies, newspaper articles, in her trash! I got them out and asked him why he was throwing this stuff away. He just said she didn't need it. He told me not to tell her what he was doing because of her health. Its best she doesn't know. I asked why can't she have pictures. He said they will just make her sad. I told him I wanted to visit her and he said I had to go with him and I am not to say anything about the house or her things. I said why don't you at least sell her valuables rather than donating? He said he doesn't have time because he needs the house empty to sell it. He also told me that she had enough money to stay in assisted living for at least a year. Makes no sense. He didnt have to empty her house. I did personally witness him take items that he wanted for himself. I see him drive her car all of the time. It's insured in her name and the monthly payments are over $300 for the insurance because he has her name on policy instead of his. she is 90 years old. She doesn't even leave the facility and certainly can't drive. He is costing her lots of money.
She knows a little about what he is doING because I tell her. I haven't told her everything. I know it's a common thing among memory patients to accuse. But I am the one witnessing him stealing and lying. She wants her stuff back. There is a reason why he is Supervising visits, opening mail before it's given to her and wanting me to keep quiet about what he is doing. I've gone to police. I can't make the report because I am not the victim. The facility won't let me take her to police in the town over to file charges. APS interviewed her 3 weeks ago. I happened to be there at the same time and was able to hear some of the things she said. She asked for help but they told her it's a civil matter. She asked how to revoke him, he said it's a civil matter. Nobody will help her. Haven't heard from APS and that was 3 weeks ago. She really shouldn't be in memory care. She may not be able to drive a car or file her taxes but she can certainly speak her mind very clearly and is very consistent. She even speaks up for me when I am being harassed by the staff at facility. I can't believe how much power this random stranger has. It's illegal. what can be done to stop this man? Who can enforce this facility to adhere to their own policy and the laws regarding residents rights?
Waiting to hear from ombudsman.
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This is exactly what every responsible adult daughter or son on this site dreads--a concerned (and probably confused) friend trying to "help" the parent in memory care. Only me and my brother are allowed to leave the memory residence with my mother--other visitors must stay at the residence to visit. That's what we requested, in part for this reason. Here's a fun fact: according to the memory residence where my mother lives, she has a right to access the US Mail and they must provide her with postage stamps, but I (daughter and POA) can request that all mail my mother sends out will be mailed to me instead.
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AFVera Oct 10, 2019
Thats lovely. She has no family! Glad your mother does!
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Many people are still legally competent for a period of time after a dementia diagnosis. It's possible your friend is still operating inside that limited window. It's also possible her doctor has documented she is incompetent which allowed her POA to become her decision maker.

Often when someone is placed in MC, their home is emptied and sold to provide resources to pay for the MC. Somewhere between many to most MC residents do not like having their home sold and often tell others the POA who sells the home is stealing from them. Sometimes the POA is stealing from them but often he/she is not.

Are you accepting what your friend is telling you or have you been able to personally observe any of the POA's bad behavior? For example, have you observed the POA driving your friend's car? Did you ask him if he purchased the car from your friends assets at fair market value? Ask to see a registration in his name?

It would probably be best to call APS and let them investigate if they will. Since your friend is in an MC, her immediate safety is assumed but there still could be a threat to her long term ability to pay for the MC. APS may be willing to at least confirm whether she has been declared incompetent.
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AFVera Oct 10, 2019
Her POA is a neighbor who has no family ties and no history with her or her family. POA saw her on the front porch everyday and he decided to start chatting with her. My friend told him she was going to have all new windows put in and I believe POA realized she was vulnerable and perhaps he is an opportunist. That was about 14 months ago.
My friend had an injury about a year ago and he offered to be her POA since she didn't have family. He put her in assisted living. Tried to do repairs on her home and ended up busting pipes and flooded her basement. I noticed boxes upon boxes being stored outside and asked him what was going on. He told me he was emptying her house and donating all of her things. Even said I was welcome to take anything I want. I saw family photos, bibles, trophies, newspaper articles, in her trash! I got them out and asked him why he was throwing this stuff away. He just said she didn't need it. He told me not to tell her what he was doing because of her health. Its best she doesn't know. I asked why can't she have pictures. He said they will just make her sad. I told him I wanted to visit her and he said I had to go with him and I am not to say anything about the house or her things. I said why don't you at least sell her valuables rather than donating? He said he doesn't have time because he needs the house empty to sell it. He also told me that she had enough money to stay in assisted living for at least a year. Makes no sense. He didnt have to empty her house. I did personally witness him take items that he wanted for himself. I see him drive her car all of the time. It's insured in her name and the monthly payments are over $300 for the insurance because he has her name on policy instead of his. she is 90 years old. She doesn't even leave the facility and certainly can't drive. He is costing her lots of money.
She knows a little about what he is doING because I tell her. I haven't told her everything. I know it's a common thing among memory patients to accuse. But I am the one witnessing him stealing and lying. She wants her stuff back. There is a reason why he is Supervising visits, opening mail before it's given to her and wanting me to keep quiet about what he is doing. I've gone to police. I can't make the report because I am not the victim. The facility won't let me take her to police in the town over to file charges. APS interviewed her 3 weeks ago. I happened to be there at the same time and was able to hear some of the things she said. She asked for help but they told her it's a civil matter. She asked how to revoke him, he said it's a civil matter. Nobody will help her. Haven't heard from APS and that was 3 weeks ago. She really shouldn't be in memory care. She may not be able to drive a car or file her taxes but she can certainly speak her mind very clearly and is very consistent. She even speaks up for me when I am being harassed by the staff at facility. I can't believe how much power this random stranger has. It's illegal. what can be done to stop this man? Who can enforce this facility to adhere to their own policy and the laws regarding residents rights?
Waiting to hear from ombudsman.
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AFVera, please don't think we are unsympathetic.

There ARE proven cases of appalling abuse perpetrated by people - family members and professionally appointed officials too - in such positions of trust.

On the other hand, many forum members can also attest to appalling allegations made about them by loved ones whose understanding and memory have been distorted by dementia.

From what you describe, your friend could fit either picture (or something completely different) and we have absolutely no way of knowing what has really happened.

Do you have any way? Have you been able to verify what your friend has told you through other, reliable sources of information?

I also echo Mstrbill's first question - how did your friend come to appoint this person to act for her? Who is he?
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AFVera Oct 10, 2019
Her POA is a neighbor who has no family ties and no history with her or her family. POA saw her on the front porch everyday and he decided to start chatting with her. My friend told him she was going to have all new windows put in and I believe POA realized she was vulnerable and perhaps he is an opportunist. That was about 14 months ago.
My friend had an injury about a year ago and he offered to be her POA since she didn't have family. He put her in assisted living. Tried to do repairs on her home and ended up busting pipes and flooded her basement. I noticed boxes upon boxes being stored outside and asked him what was going on. He told me he was emptying her house and donating all of her things. Even said I was welcome to take anything I want. I saw family photos, bibles, trophies, newspaper articles, in her trash! I got them out and asked him why he was throwing this stuff away. He just said she didn't need it. He told me not to tell her what he was doing because of her health. Its best she doesn't know. I asked why can't she have pictures. He said they will just make her sad. I told him I wanted to visit her and he said I had to go with him and I am not to say anything about the house or her things. I said why don't you at least sell her valuables rather than donating? He said he doesn't have time because he needs the house empty to sell it. He also told me that she had enough money to stay in assisted living for at least a year. Makes no sense. He didnt have to empty her house. I did personally witness him take items that he wanted for himself. I see him drive her car all of the time. It's insured in her name and the monthly payments are over $300 for the insurance because he has her name on policy instead of his. she is 90 years old. She doesn't even leave the facility and certainly can't drive. He is costing her lots of money.
She knows a little about what he is doING because I tell her. I haven't told her everything. I know it's a common thing among memory patients to accuse. But I am the one witnessing him stealing and lying. She wants her stuff back. There is a reason why he is Supervising visits, opening mail before it's given to her and wanting me to keep quiet about what he is doing. I've gone to police. I can't make the report because I am not the victim. The facility won't let me take her to police in the town over to file charges. APS interviewed her 3 weeks ago. I happened to be there at the same time and was able to hear some of the things she said. She asked for help but they told her it's a civil matter. She asked how to revoke him, he said it's a civil matter. Nobody will help her. Haven't heard from APS and that was 3 weeks ago. She really shouldn't be in memory care. She may not be able to drive a car or file her taxes but she can certainly speak her mind very clearly and is very consistent. She even speaks up for me when I am being harassed by the staff at facility. I can't believe how much power this random stranger has. It's illegal. what can be done to stop this man? Who can enforce this facility to adhere to their own policy and the laws regarding residents rights?
Waiting to hear from ombudsman.
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Do you even have proof of the POA stealing or is your friend telling you all of this? She’s in memory care for a reason. She may not be telling you the truth because to put it bluntly, her brain is broken. You seem to know an awful lot here......something isn’t adding up here.
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AFVera Oct 10, 2019
Her POA is a neighbor who has no family ties and no history with her or her family. POA saw her on the front porch everyday and he decided to start chatting with her. My friend told him she was going to have all new windows put in and I believe POA realized she was vulnerable and perhaps he is an opportunist. That was about 14 months ago.
My friend had an injury about a year ago and he offered to be her POA since she didn't have family. He put her in assisted living. Tried to do repairs on her home and ended up busting pipes and flooded her basement. I noticed boxes upon boxes being stored outside and asked him what was going on. He told me he was emptying her house and donating all of her things. Even said I was welcome to take anything I want. I saw family photos, bibles, trophies, newspaper articles, in her trash! I got them out and asked him why he was throwing this stuff away. He just said she didn't need it. He told me not to tell her what he was doing because of her health. Its best she doesn't know. I asked why can't she have pictures. He said they will just make her sad. I told him I wanted to visit her and he said I had to go with him and I am not to say anything about the house or her things. I said why don't you at least sell her valuables rather than donating? He said he doesn't have time because he needs the house empty to sell it. He also told me that she had enough money to stay in assisted living for at least a year. Makes no sense. He didnt have to empty her house. I did personally witness him take items that he wanted for himself. I see him drive her car all of the time. It's insured in her name and the monthly payments are over $300 for the insurance because he has her name on policy instead of his. she is 90 years old. She doesn't even leave the facility and certainly can't drive. He is costing her lots of money.
She knows a little about what he is doING because I tell her. I haven't told her everything. I know it's a common thing among memory patients to accuse. But I am the one witnessing him stealing and lying. She wants her stuff back. There is a reason why he is Supervising visits, opening mail before it's given to her and wanting me to keep quiet about what he is doing. I've gone to police. I can't make the report because I am not the victim. The facility won't let me take her to police in the town over to file charges. APS interviewed her 3 weeks ago. I happened to be there at the same time and was able to hear some of the things she said. She asked for help but they told her it's a civil matter. She asked how to revoke him, he said it's a civil matter. Nobody will help her. Haven't heard from APS and that was 3 weeks ago. She really shouldn't be in memory care. She may not be able to drive a car or file her taxes but she can certainly speak her mind very clearly and is very consistent. She even speaks up for me when I am being harassed by the staff at facility. I can't believe how much power this random stranger has. It's illegal. what can be done to stop this man? Who can enforce this facility to adhere to their own policy and the laws regarding residents rights?
Waiting to hear from ombudsman.
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Have you approached Adult Protective Services with this?
Can you update us after you speak with the Ombudsman?
I doubt very much, given she is now in memory care, that she will be able to choose you as POA. However, it may be possible to have her current POA investigated. If there is any craziness there the Ombudsman may call in a Social Worker and this may go to Court Conservatorship, a guardian appointed for her. This is what I would suggest, rather than you taking this on if you are at all hesitant. This is a BIG JOB and a tough job to do. Please don't take it on.
Your next step is the one you took. Speaking to ombudsman. Then to Adult Protective. The sad truth is that there may be nothing that can be done about this, and this is why the appointment of POA is not to be taken lightly. If there is no trusted family member a Fiduciary who is paid is likely a better option. If this sweet thing has some money, it will quickly disappear at 10,000 a month in memory care, so there will likely be little for the POA to pilfer away very easily. But do take steps to help her come to some peace with all this.
I hope you will update us as you find out more about what is what. I don't know where you are getting your information all about attempted sales and abuse of finances? But do remember you are speaking with someone in memory care, and one of the most certain things that happens to us when we lose our faculties is that we think people are "stealing from" us. Good luck going forward.
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AFVera Oct 10, 2019
Her POA is a neighbor who has no family ties and no history with her or her family. POA saw her on the front porch everyday and he decided to start chatting with her. My friend told him she was going to have all new windows put in and I believe POA realized she was vulnerable and perhaps he is an opportunist. That was about 14 months ago.
My friend had an injury about a year ago and he offered to be her POA since she didn't have family. He put her in assisted living. Tried to do repairs on her home and ended up busting pipes and flooded her basement. I noticed boxes upon boxes being stored outside and asked him what was going on. He told me he was emptying her house and donating all of her things. Even said I was welcome to take anything I want. I saw family photos, bibles, trophies, newspaper articles, in her trash! I got them out and asked him why he was throwing this stuff away. He just said she didn't need it. He told me not to tell her what he was doing because of her health. Its best she doesn't know. I asked why can't she have pictures. He said they will just make her sad. I told him I wanted to visit her and he said I had to go with him and I am not to say anything about the house or her things. I said why don't you at least sell her valuables rather than donating? He said he doesn't have time because he needs the house empty to sell it. He also told me that she had enough money to stay in assisted living for at least a year. Makes no sense. He didnt have to empty her house. I did personally witness him take items that he wanted for himself. I see him drive her car all of the time. It's insured in her name and the monthly payments are over $300 for the insurance because he has her name on policy instead of his. she is 90 years old. She doesn't even leave the facility and certainly can't drive. He is costing her lots of money.
She knows a little about what he is doING because I tell her. I haven't told her everything. I know it's a common thing among memory patients to accuse. But I am the one witnessing him stealing and lying. She wants her stuff back. There is a reason why he is Supervising visits, opening mail before it's given to her and wanting me to keep quiet about what he is doing. I've gone to police. I can't make the report because I am not the victim. The facility won't let me take her to police in the town over to file charges. APS interviewed her 3 weeks ago. I happened to be there at the same time and was able to hear some of the things she said. She asked for help but they told her it's a civil matter. She asked how to revoke him, he said it's a civil matter. Nobody will help her. Haven't heard from APS and that was 3 weeks ago. She really shouldn't be in memory care. She may not be able to drive a car or file her taxes but she can certainly speak her mind very clearly and is very consistent. She even speaks up for me when I am being harassed by the staff at facility. I can't believe how much power this random stranger has. It's illegal. what can be done to stop this man? Who can enforce this facility to adhere to their own policy and the laws regarding residents rights?
Waiting to hear from ombudsman.
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Who is this person that became her POA? Do you have any idea how he became POA? What is his relationship to your friend and how long did he know her before he became POA?
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AFVera Oct 10, 2019
Her POA is a neighbor who has no family ties and no history with her or her family. POA saw her on the front porch everyday and he decided to start chatting with her. My friend told him she was going to have all new windows put in and I believe POA realized she was vulnerable and perhaps he is an opportunist. That was about 14 months ago.
My friend had an injury about a year ago and he offered to be her POA since she didn't have family. He put her in assisted living. Tried to do repairs on her home and ended up busting pipes and flooded her basement. I noticed boxes upon boxes being stored outside and asked him what was going on. He told me he was emptying her house and donating all of her things. Even said I was welcome to take anything I want. I saw family photos, bibles, trophies, newspaper articles, in her trash! I got them out and asked him why he was throwing this stuff away. He just said she didn't need it. He told me not to tell her what he was doing because of her health. Its best she doesn't know. I asked why can't she have pictures. He said they will just make her sad. I told him I wanted to visit her and he said I had to go with him and I am not to say anything about the house or her things. I said why don't you at least sell her valuables rather than donating? He said he doesn't have time because he needs the house empty to sell it. He also told me that she had enough money to stay in assisted living for at least a year. Makes no sense. He didnt have to empty her house. I did personally witness him take items that he wanted for himself. I see him drive her car all of the time. It's insured in her name and the monthly payments are over $300 for the insurance because he has her name on policy instead of his. she is 90 years old. She doesn't even leave the facility and certainly can't drive. He is costing her lots of money.
She knows a little about what he is doING because I tell her. I haven't told her everything. I know it's a common thing among memory patients to accuse. But I am the one witnessing him stealing and lying. She wants her stuff back. There is a reason why he is Supervising visits, opening mail before it's given to her and wanting me to keep quiet about what he is doing. I've gone to police. I can't make the report because I am not the victim. The facility won't let me take her to police in the town over to file charges. APS interviewed her 3 weeks ago. I happened to be there at the same time and was able to hear some of the things she said. She asked for help but they told her it's a civil matter. She asked how to revoke him, he said it's a civil matter. Nobody will help her. Haven't heard from APS and that was 3 weeks ago. She really shouldn't be in memory care. She may not be able to drive a car or file her taxes but she can certainly speak her mind very clearly and is very consistent. She even speaks up for me when I am being harassed by the staff at facility. I can't believe how much power this random stranger has. It's illegal. what can be done to stop this man? Who can enforce this facility to adhere to their own policy and the laws regarding residents rights?
Waiting to hear from ombudsman.
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