How do we help our Mom (the caregiver) for our Dad, when she won't accept help?

There's plenty you can do, I think, and still mostly respect her wishes. Get a Medical alert pendant for mom, preferably one that will recognize that she's fallen. "Mom, pick one. Laundry or suppers." Then family picks up the one that's left by dropping off pre-made meals....casseroles,chili, soup,stew, whatever -- or picking up and delivering laundry.

Take mom out to lunch once a week with one sibling taking her out and the other staying with dad.

Re Catholic Charities, a sibling should talk to them outside the presence of parents and identify the most helpful thing they might do for them . . . Sit for dad twice a month? Light housekeeping every few weeks? Whatever. And then go to mom and insist that they avail themselves of this one service. "Please, mom! Do it for us!!" That one thing may get her used to outside help and become a stepping stone for other things.

Lastly, investigate assisted (even independent) living. Get the facts for the future...which could be tomorrow.

I wish your family well. This is sooo difficult for mom...and, I'm sure, the same for you.

Take a moment to put yourself in mom's shoes. This is the love of her life. Her knight in shining armor. Her rock. She has got to be dying inside, seeing the man she has spent her life with going downhill. I believe mom isn't in denial. She knows the score but doesn't want the outside world to know. She needs respite. She has to be taking care of her own health. Don't allow her to miss Dr's appts. Give her a break by taking dad somewhere once a week so she can have the house to herself for a few hours. Sit with dad so she can get out. Keep your ears and eyes open. Drop in unexpectedly. Let her know that she isn't in this alone. Take someone from Catholic Charities with you for a visit. Get her used to the idea by meeting them first. You can do this

Tough call. Like many of us, you wait for the disaster to happen. Just make sure everyone has the landline phone number for 911, so they can call them from out of town. Also notify 911 that there is a senior with memory issues living there in case they get an unintelligible phone call.
If someone calls and gets no answer, no call back, you ask the 911 service to "check the welfare" of your parents.

Is a little tough love possible here? Any way at all to make Mom understand the dangers of this situation? It is very tough trying to get elders to accept help and it's all to often crisis driven. Is there anyone she might listen to? You're always just "Kids" to her. Maybe someone else out there can get through.