Help, I cannot take it anymore.

Springbird, I so sympathize. The early and moderate stages can be the hardest. Our parents are still controlling everything. Everything has to be their way -- no facilities, no help in the house. They can tell us we're young and we should be able to do it all. We can try, but it gets physically and mentally exhausting. It is especially hard when we live with them, because we can't just go back to our own place. The best we can do is escape to our room.

You can do what I did when I came to stay with my parents. Originally I tried to keep everything clean. Then I decided that the bathrooms and kitchens only had to be cleaned once a week. I make easy and nutritious meals. I don't let parental needs interfere with my work. Work is first. I am second. Parents are third. I take at least two hours a day for myself to get out and go to the gym and talk to people. When we first start laying down boundaries, it can be hard. They'll keep pushing on them, trying to make them give. After a while they learn that things still get done, so maybe they'll relax a bit.

Later stages of dementia get easier when it comes to personality. At least it has been that way for me. My mother has been a lot nicer and a lot less combative. Sometimes I wish she was the same mean person, since I still have a lot of anger in me. It doesn't seem right to be mad at someone who is being nice, so I carry it inside. I've been at it 7.5 years now and see no end in sight. It isn't easy. I get the feeling you are feeling a lot of the same things. It would be easy if it were a few months or a year. When we think about 10-15 years, it becomes more desperate. I hope you're able to get your parents into assisted living. I wish I could get my mother there, but she is adamant about dying at home. She is still legally competent, so I can't force her to go. All I can do is decide if I leave or stay.

Shirley, no one individual can care for a person with dementia alone. Caring for two? Oh my -- no wonder you are overwhelmed. In a care center there are three shifts of rested, trained personnel to keep the residents safe, comfortable, and healthy. And they have backup to call upon when they need it. For one person to duplicate this at home is just impossible.

1) You need help
2) You need respite -- time to yourself
3) You need emotional support

Tell us where you are located (US?) and you'll get responses about how to get what you need.

Have they had a "needs assessment" from their local Area Agency on Aging?

How did you come to move in with your parents? Do you have a home to return to?

YES MT, WASHINGTON KENTUCKY I SURE HOPE SO. AND THANK YOU!