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I've listened to my 94 yr old mother's crazy talk for long enough. Today, I snapped and told her she is imaging these things -- she is hallucinating -- they are not happening in real life. She is now accusing my brother-in-law of breaking into her apartment every night (she SEES him) and stealing anything from her dishwashing detergent to her reading glasses. And he's stealing her mail. And groceries. Now I've tipped her off that we all think she's demented (without using the word, I think I might have said "crazy", yikes). How will we ever get her to realize that Doug (son in law) is not committing these crimes, and that she in fact is in need of help? We've got to get her out of I.L. and into some sort of assisted situation. I'm just shaking, and I realize I just lit the fuse to a huge explosion.

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I'd figure a way to get her to a doctor, regardless of what measures, I might have to take. Have you consulted with an attorney in her jurisdiction?

You also could report what is happening to Adult Protective Services and ask them to investigate. I would treat it as an emergency for a couple of reasons. Having hallucinations and a lapse with realty can be very scary and confusing to the patient. It can cause emotional and mental distress that is not healthy.

And, the hallucinations or delusions may cause her to hurt herself, due to her believing they are real. We had a family friend who was frightened because he thought many children were running around in his home. He ran outside into the street, fell, fractured his hip and never recovered.

I'd go online to You tube and look at videos by Teepa Snow about dementia. If that is what she has, she needs help, medical care and supervision. Trying to convince her to stop thinking that way, stop having hallucinations, stop saying certain things, is really not going to work and in fact, just make things worse. I'd work on ways to comfort her and help her feel less scared. She's likely afraid to tell you how scared she is.
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waterfalls Aug 21, 2018
Sunnygirl your reply is excellent!! Cudos to you.  I am experiencing the anger bouts from my mom too. In fact when I visited her earlier, she seemed fine and mellow.  I came back before dinner and she was horrible and nasty.  Speaking about current happenings and relating them to the past. She is 91 and hates living in the Assisted Living Fac. and wants out. She can still do for herself. Your advice about not trying to convince her to stop the nonsense talk can make things worse and I'm learning that thru trial and error. I can certainly relate to Lighenting Rod.  The best thing I have finally learned is to start preparing her that I'm leaving without being rude.  Sometimes I do yell. We have yelling matches and its no good. What I hate is part of what she is saying is true. I have to really listen and evaluate what is true and what is delusional.  Its hard and I feel for her and other people's parents going thru this. They are in agony, over their life change and we can only support but take better care of ourselves as we care for them.  Its good to hear your advice.  Keep up the good work!!!
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Your mother needs HELP! If she was bleeding you’d call 911. Is she had chest pain you’d all 911. This is no different. Just call 911 and say that she is a danger to herself. A 94 year old who is delusional and hallucinating should not be living independently. She won’t know that you called; she’ll forget how she got to a hospital. You can plan placement with their social worker.
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robinsoul Aug 23, 2018
I agree whole heartedly!
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Calm down. She won't remember.

Welcome to our world--you are human!

Big hug!!!
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Reply to Salisbury
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I read your previous posts especially the cat one. It was voiced by replies that Mom is showing signs of Dementia and suggested you take her to a doctor. She could have a UTI. There are other things that cause delusions. Your Mom needs to be evaluated. She needs labs done to confirm if it dementia or not. She is not crazy. There is something wrong and u need to find out what. There are meds for delusions but you need to get her to a dr. that can prescribe them.
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LightingRod Aug 21, 2018
I realize she's sick. I think at one point in the awful confrontation, I said she was sick. Then later, said crazy to try to get her attention. SHE WILL NOT GO to a doctor. She hasn't been to one in many years, and does not even have one here in AZ. All she ever allowed her doctor in CO to do was take her blood pressure and a blood test. Nothing else, no way, nada. There's not a way we could physically get her out of her apartment without being charged with elder abuse.
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Have you tried the old “you have to go to the doctor or they’ll cancel your insurance” ploy? She’d probably say that’s fine with her, though. We have a Visiting Physicians group who comes to our home. I believe they have offices all over the US. They can do blood tests and on Friday are coming to do a chest x-ray on my husband. Would that work?
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If you absolutely cannot get her out of her house to the doctor, maybe you could make an appointment for yourself for a consultation with a geriatric specialist. Or contact your local Office on Aging and try to find someone you can consult with. You need some professional advice and help in developing a game plan for your mother's care.
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Reply to debbye
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Dear LightningRod, Are you near Phoenix? There is a terrific support group for adult children whose parents have dementia. You will get lots of support and answers there.

Adult Child Support Group
When – Meets the last Tuesday of each month, 5:15 – 7:15 p.m.  
Where – Banner Alzheimer’s Institute, 901 E. Willetta St., Phoenix, First Floor Education Room

You can call APS (adult protective services) and they will visit your mother and do a needs assessment. That's an excellent starting place. I know this is overwhelming. There's little we can do for our elders other than get them well taken care of in a safe place. There's a lot that can be done for us in dealing with the difficult emotions that come losing a parent while there are right in front of us. The meeting is this coming Tuesday. Hope to see you there.
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Reply to ThisIsntFun
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Visiting Physicians' Group sounds like an excellent idea if there is one in your area. That way, they come to her and it might be less scary. Another thing you could try would be to make the doctor appt, then take mom to lunch and just "happen" to stop by the doctor's office on the way back.

Also, does anyone have medical POA? If not, it would probably be wise to talk to an attorney and seek emergency guardianship once you are able to talk to the doctor and get a diagnosis. It doesn't sound like she is mentally competent, and she will need someone to advocate for her with regard to her health and make sure she is in a living environment suited to her needs.
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Hi there,
My mother has spent the last 72 yrs of her life only seein* a doctor for childbirth 40 plus years ago. She recently had a stroke in May. She will argue about EVERYTHING to ANYONE. I have realized that when I look back at her behavior through the years she has always been stubborn. We fight, argue and yes she goes off the rails, thinks she lives in a jail cell, and is treated like a child 80% of the time. The fact that she is NOT living with you is a miracle.....my mother does live with me and has for some time. I have found that either A. I become a raving lunatic because of all this or
B. I treat her like I would a stranger when she has these terrible days.
I keep the positive because the negative can swallow you whole.
At this point there might be the ability to do what I did with my mother......Make the doctors appointment......let them know how this might go.....and if you cannot get them to come to her....have her meet them in their parking lot if possible. You see, I have found that with my stubborn argumentative mother......she was just SCARED....plain and simply SCARED.... You might need to remind yourself that when she was younger.....doctors were the devil. You only went to them if you were dead, dying, or missing a limb period. From one daughter to another ........ This is hard but remember....YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOU THINK!!!!!!
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keepingup Aug 23, 2018
Amen. It takes a lot for one of us to snap, but we are human. It is very, very difficult when someone with dementia is raging at you, blaming you, essentially, to separate. But we have to in order to keep our sanity. I think everyone on this site, as a caregiver, has more strength than they know. Thank you, Tamarawynn.
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A similar situation occurred with my mom& she ordered me out of her house. Before I left I told her that if she really thought any of us would steal from her that there was something g seriously wrong & she needed to see her dr. A month went by & she wanted to see me again but nothing happened immediately. 6 months went by & she fell & broke her leg. I told the dr she could not go home unless she could walk. He sent her to a rehab & from there we got her into assisted living. When I cleaned her house I found a paper from her personal physician with a diagnosis of Alzheimer’s Disease. She has continued inpatient now in a SNF. It’s been 6 years & she’s 92. I know your pain...
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meridianav Aug 23, 2018
my mom did that almost everyday ..weekly at least ..but i owned the house one time or more i left a hour later come back she did not remember it //..
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