My mom broke her knee cap and lives in an apt upstairs she needs rehab but wants to live with me. So since my original post I got my mom into a SNF for rehab on her knee. Today I had a meeting with social services and she hinted that 10 days is the norm for discharging patients and that would probably be happening soon. Even if I could get her upstairs , the social worker says she will need to be looked after. Mom can not bend her knee for another 4 weeks wears a big heavy brace and can not get up, can not go to the bathroom by herself. I asked her what are my options if they discharge her and I can not take care of her and refuse to take her, she said she could give me a number to a board and care facility that I could call. I told her my mom has no money and can not pay for that, and Medicaid doesn't cover that. She told me I need to put together a plan A ,B and C. We have no other family. I told her my plan was for her to stay there until she can get around, get up, and go to the bathroom by herself. And then, I may consider her coming with me for a week or two until she can get approved for In Home Care. But that I can't stay home 24 hours a day, and change diapers etc. she gave me the impression they would be discharging her this next week. Can anyone help me? I am in California, she has Medicare and Medi-cal. If I take her I do not believe I will ever be able to get her to leave and within 2-3 days I will be looking for a bridge to jump off. What will they do with her if I don't take her? Please don't judge me, I really need help on what options I have. I am confused and stressed and sad for what my life will be. I feel like the social worker did nothing but try and bully me into taking my mother.
I agree with you on the dangers involved if Mother can not get out.
But Isn't that also true of a bed bound person living at home?
Why, did you?
Is the doctor at rehab going to order at home pt and home health services?
You are going to see that you should have heeded their warnings.
How WILL you get her up the stairs?
Gotta tell you, if she is like most stubborn elderly folks, the first time "she thinks" she has improved enough to handle those stairs, she is going to be on them.
I do hope I am wrong.
Please keep us updated.
We will carry her up the stairs if we have to, we are hopeful she will be able to get up them in two weeks ( not on a daily basis) but up the stairs nonetheless.
Yes, she will receive more PT at my house for a few weeks. I will keep praying this will work out as planned. if it doesn't , I am in big trouble. I am having a cocktail or two with my honey and enjoying one of our last nights together for awhile. Maybe a miracle will happen and I will get the mother I never had...haha. Thanks for being there for me. You all have made my darkness a little brighter.
This is what you were expecting: "If I take her I do not believe I will ever be able to get her to leave and within 2-3 days I will be looking for a bridge to jump off."
Can we at least hope you've made some alterations to the plan since you typed that? Because what you mean by big trouble if it doesn't work out... That trouble wasn't big enough to put you off?
Oh Jules, sigh.
Scared to death of what? Helpless about what?
Between your mother saying what's to become of me and the social worker telling you this is your problem, I think you have had a number done on you.
So. There we are. Let us move on.
How are you going to stop mother getting too comfortable?
The nursing home that my mom resided in had some patients who had mild dementia (the ones with more serious dementia were in a locked unit on another floor, to prevent them from wandering--but even they had lovely activities in the garden and singalongs and the like).
There were many people who were able-minded but who had physical issues.
Needless to say, I think your mother sold you a bill of goods.
Please come back and tell us how this is working out. Oh, and I hope you have a good fire safety plan in place.
Skilled nursing facilities, especially with rehab, can make the difference. Things are not easy now that he is back home, but they are easier than they were before he went in the hospital/rehab.
Day One, I am a terrible caretaker, there is no part of me that likes it. Couple of mishaps that made me realize what I knew and that is I don't have the patience nor compassion to be one.
Day Two, So far so good!
Now that you know this, what can you do about it? She has Medi-Cal already so she'd qualify for a nursing home. Maybe time to take a couple of tours of NH's that accept Medi-Cal.
Hey, don't feel bad. Many of us (for whatever reasons), can't take physical care of our loved ones. Don't beat yourself up.
To send a Private Message (AKA "PM") to someone, click on the person's screen name which is in BLUE to the right of their AVATAR. You should be taken to that person's Profile Page. Type your message in the "Message Box". Above the box on the Right-hand side, "Check" the small box that states "Private Message".
You can also send a "HUG" by clicking on the "Give a Hug" message below the Message Box at the Lower Left-hand corner and choose a "HUG" from the photos listed. When you have completed your message and checked "Private Message", then click on "Send Message". A "Private Message" will show up on yours and other person's Profiles Pages in a "GREEN" BOX and state "Private Message". Only the two of you can read those. Regular Messages are in WHITE Boxes and everyone can read those. Hope that this helps.
A huge difference from an old, (possibly) narcissistic, demanding mother who thinks you should wait on her hand and foot and a dog that loves you for who you are, never asks anything of you but just companionship and thinks you're the greatest human in the world.
Mr. Muddy Paws will be waiting for you (when your time comes) at the Rainbow Bridge.
I'll send you a personal message.
Jules
My Mom complained almost daily the first 4-5 months that she was at the nursing home. Many of her complaints were related to her depression and delusions. Once her medications were regulated, she calmed down and she is content with living in the nursing home now.
None or very few of the elderly "Ask for falling and breaking a bone or having to go to a nursing home". Unfortunately that is part of life and she and you are going to have to try to accept this. It will not be easy and you will experience feelings of grief for what is happening with your Mom. Let yourself grieve as this will help you come to terms with your Mom's situation.