Follow
Share

Okay basically what is happening is my mother is no longer deemed by her medical doctors as being competent to sign a POA. She had been living in another state with her sister and her husband helping to take care of her and my aunt/her sister passed away and her husband wanted to move away leaving my mother with no one there to help take care of her. I have one brother that has totally been out of the picture for almost 6 years (and I have no way of contacting him even if I had to.) My other brother on the other hand has been told of our mother's condition and situation though he has not done much if anything in the way of care or contact with our mother other than to ask for money. I had even asked him for help when the time came to go get her and bring her to live with me. He stated he couldn't because of his job nor was he willing to help with the expense of bringing her to my home. Now that I have done all the work and have taken care of her for over a month with my husband and at our own expense, ( bc in her dementia she refuses to use any of her money to pay for any of her needs because she thinks that everyone is out to steal her money and she will be kicked out and broke an will not give us any money towards any final bills from her old place or any she incurs now) And now that she needs medical/mental cares services... he is demanding I give her to him and that I'm not allowed to "have all the control" even though it has been only me that has kept in constant contact with the sister/ aunt in regards to her care and well being. Our mother has stated many times ( when she has cognitive moments) that she wants me to have the control of her affairs as she knows that I will follow her wishes and she doesn't trust my brother because of his past of having a record of 3 felony grand thefts that resulted in prison time (I have only ever gotten a speeding ticket) and also the fact that him and his gf have 5 boys between them... she has great concern that he would drain her accounts and sell off her belongings then place her in a nursing home. These are my fears as well. Any time I have tried to calmly talk to him about it and our mother's wishes, he starts ranting that he lives in a big city and I live in a rural area and can't possibly give the the level of care he thinks she should have...she's not on her right mind and doesn't know what she is saying (though I had been a C.N.A for 20+ years and am more than capable of caring for her in my home) and threatens me with getting lawyers to "get control" of our mother and her assets . He has the means to out lawyer me... I have even suggested that one of us gets medical guardianship and the other gets financial guardianship so neither one of us has all "the control over our mother's affairs. He said " NO WAY!" I probably should also state that I have seen him "self medicating" by smoking pot more than once.I also have the means in which to give her a stable home with a large room of her own, which he doe not as he is renting a 3 bedroom home... and both of them work full time and would not be home to care for her as is needed now nor in the possible near future... his idea of it is to take her to all these "specialists" that are in his area and let them decide if she needs to go into a nursing facility or if she can be taken care of with minimal supervision. As our mother is now currently in the hospital as she has agreed to voluntarily admit herself to the inpatient behavioral health unit so she can get her condition stabilized and under control, and her sister (who was her then medical proxy until her sudden death from a heart attack 2 days after I got there to bring my mother home.) Me, my husband,and her doctors have been fighting her former GP to get her records and the insurance changed over to my state so they can treat her mental as well as a couple of pressing medical issues. And since she is unable to sign a regular POA...I have to somehow get an emergency Guardianship or Conservatorship hearing so I can get the service that my mother desperately needs at this time started and really cannot get into a long drawn out battle with my brother trying to stop me right now.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
MS - mom since she is not competent or cognitive, she cannot do any DPOA paperwork so at this point the only option is to go the guardianship / conservator route for either you to be appointed by the court OR for the state to appoint a court approved & vetted outside guardian. G/C's really are not a DIY project IMHO & you need an attorney to deal with this in probate court where G/C are done. It is a speciality area & you need legal that know the system & judges as judge has a good bit of discretion in his courtroom. It will cost - maybe 5-12K.

An emergency G/C can be done & your attorney will know how to be done.

Your worry about brother taking charge & getting guardianship is unlikely if he or anyone in his household or dependency is a felon. Court routinely does background on applicants & you can mention this in your application (if you do this, attach a copy of his publicly available arrest records - judge will love this tidbit to dress down bro if he shows up to challenge you). Bro won't pass. You need to get a court order appointing you the G/C to shut down bad bro or any other family from ever interfering from this point on. G/C is held in probate court and is all open records so keep that in mind.

G/C are expensive to set in place and there is no way around this if family want to be appointed. If you cannot, then you petition the court as a concerned family member to have a outside court appointed G/C done. Sometimes this is the way to go as they can get things done faster, quicker & their whole job is being a G/C with the legal savvy to know what to do. If there are mental health issues the appointed G/C can get doors opened that you never could. Often when there is family infighting the judge appoints an outside G/C anyways as judge not going to take any truck or time to deal with family dramarama.

There is a great recent thread on this site of a post from Heidi73 on her path of dealing with her mom, G/C and appointed G/C & the court, that is an especially insightful read.
Helpful Answer (8)
Report

Banks don't appoint trustees, courts do. It sounds like you are already in charge of her financials. Whether she comes home or needs a facility is up to her doctors. Work with them on what is the safest option for her and for you.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

No, you cannot petition for guardianship without other siblings being notified, and that includes your siblings and her siblings. Second, if you go now for G/C on a emergency basis you will have support of doctors from recent interactions, and the best are primary care who know her well, and psychiatrists if she goes to a mental health unit. The court does not want to hear your long and sad story. So focus on facts that help: Brother is convicted felon who has not had her with him...done. And if other brother does not contest, done. Don't go for professional G & C as a compromise to satisfy siblings...getting out of them requires another round of court time. If there is not much in assets, no formal conservatorship is needed anyway. Mom's assets (if they exist) legally pay court costs for the guardianship lawyers, though she may also have her own lawyer if she wishes to contest the idea of guardianship.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Mshutt-
I hope you feel better after your rant! (No judgment, just a bit of a shock) It sounds as if you will need to take some time off and go to the state where mom lives and work with an attorney who specializes in Elder Law and get your mom to yourself. I cannot IMAGINE that any court is going to give the brother any say in the matter, but you do need to do things legally, esp if mom is not with it enough to make decisions.
It also sounds like your brother is going to fight you, but his criminal background should be enough to keep him out of mom's "legal" life. My oldest brother also "assumed" that along with his role as oldest male in the family, he was also "heir" to the throne, so to speak. Dad appointed my younger brother as executor and gave him POA MANY years ago. Dad has passed and older brother did kick up a tiny fuss, thinking he was to inherit some things--duh, it all went to mother. Older brother only came around mother to get a few bucks here and there. He passed 2 years ago--peace reigns. Sounds like you are (rightfully) very upset. Try to be calm and organized and take the time to get your ducks in a row and get your mom. No, all the siblings DON'T have to be notified, I wasn't when all the legal stuff went down with my parents. Neither were my sisters (women don't rank real high in our family, I guess) Arm yourself with the truth and let the courts handle it. I would think this would be pretty simple to see you are a much better choice for a caregiver. Good luck with all of this.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

As our attorney told us, at least in our state, it is better to inform the other siblings if at all possible so that they do not have a leg to stand on should they learn of a court ruling later and approach the court saying that they were never informed. Here, the court would reopen the case and listen to what they have to say at that point. An experienced, good elder law attorney will guide you through this process.

Good work on protecting your mom and being there for her despite all that you and she have been through!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

You should contact an estate attorney. Are you anywhere near Sacramento b/c my brother is one?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Dear mshutt. as already stated above by another member, your brother CAN NOT OUTLAWYER you because of what he was, what he is, and his living style and conditions. He can not take care of his dysfunctional family, so do you think a court will let him care for your mother health wise and financial aspect. On top of that, when you hire a lawyer, have him/her sue, or put a lien on the estate to get back ALL YOUR MOTHER'S RELOCATION EXPENSES, regardless of the POA decision out come. This will force your brother, or the court to refund your expenses. If your brother will keep his NO WAY attitude, inform him that you will request that the state probate and guardianship will take over. This may make him back off, but also will take powers away from you
till the situation is clearly established. Good Luck.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

In NC, the petition form for guardianship requires the Petitioner to list other family members as well as those who might have an interest in the case. Upon the filing, the court appoints a temporary guardian to investigate the case and see what is truly in the best interest of the subject. They will normally locate the names of siblings and contact them for input on the matter. Those who oppose may show up for the hearing and those who don't can send word through an attorney or the guardian.

Here, the Guardian must be bonded, so it's unlikely a person with a criminal record would be able to. They must also have good credit, so that might be a factor too.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

WHAT !!!!! This person is a manic !!!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Well, this discussion has been helpful for ME. My mother and dad did all this years ago with just the BOYS in the family. The GIRLS are completely out of the loop. I can't change anything now, I just think it would be nice to "know" what's going on and who has DPOA and why were we girls just kind of cut out of it all. (I know that my parents felt that a "girl" being the executrix would be inappropriate. My daughter is ours, even tho my son is an attorney. It's all about who will do what you WANT. Sorry I'm not really on topic, but I am a tad upset at realizing I don't know who is "in charge" of Mother, when she gets worse.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

See All Answers
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter