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Okay basically what is happening is my mother is no longer deemed by her medical doctors as being competent to sign a POA. She had been living in another state with her sister and her husband helping to take care of her and my aunt/her sister passed away and her husband wanted to move away leaving my mother with no one there to help take care of her. I have one brother that has totally been out of the picture for almost 6 years (and I have no way of contacting him even if I had to.) My other brother on the other hand has been told of our mother's condition and situation though he has not done much if anything in the way of care or contact with our mother other than to ask for money. I had even asked him for help when the time came to go get her and bring her to live with me. He stated he couldn't because of his job nor was he willing to help with the expense of bringing her to my home. Now that I have done all the work and have taken care of her for over a month with my husband and at our own expense, ( bc in her dementia she refuses to use any of her money to pay for any of her needs because she thinks that everyone is out to steal her money and she will be kicked out and broke an will not give us any money towards any final bills from her old place or any she incurs now) And now that she needs medical/mental cares services... he is demanding I give her to him and that I'm not allowed to "have all the control" even though it has been only me that has kept in constant contact with the sister/ aunt in regards to her care and well being. Our mother has stated many times ( when she has cognitive moments) that she wants me to have the control of her affairs as she knows that I will follow her wishes and she doesn't trust my brother because of his past of having a record of 3 felony grand thefts that resulted in prison time (I have only ever gotten a speeding ticket) and also the fact that him and his gf have 5 boys between them... she has great concern that he would drain her accounts and sell off her belongings then place her in a nursing home. These are my fears as well. Any time I have tried to calmly talk to him about it and our mother's wishes, he starts ranting that he lives in a big city and I live in a rural area and can't possibly give the the level of care he thinks she should have...she's not on her right mind and doesn't know what she is saying (though I had been a C.N.A for 20+ years and am more than capable of caring for her in my home) and threatens me with getting lawyers to "get control" of our mother and her assets . He has the means to out lawyer me... I have even suggested that one of us gets medical guardianship and the other gets financial guardianship so neither one of us has all "the control over our mother's affairs. He said " NO WAY!" I probably should also state that I have seen him "self medicating" by smoking pot more than once.I also have the means in which to give her a stable home with a large room of her own, which he doe not as he is renting a 3 bedroom home... and both of them work full time and would not be home to care for her as is needed now nor in the possible near future... his idea of it is to take her to all these "specialists" that are in his area and let them decide if she needs to go into a nursing facility or if she can be taken care of with minimal supervision. As our mother is now currently in the hospital as she has agreed to voluntarily admit herself to the inpatient behavioral health unit so she can get her condition stabilized and under control, and her sister (who was her then medical proxy until her sudden death from a heart attack 2 days after I got there to bring my mother home.) Me, my husband,and her doctors have been fighting her former GP to get her records and the insurance changed over to my state so they can treat her mental as well as a couple of pressing medical issues. And since she is unable to sign a regular POA...I have to somehow get an emergency Guardianship or Conservatorship hearing so I can get the service that my mother desperately needs at this time started and really cannot get into a long drawn out battle with my brother trying to stop me right now.

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Well, this discussion has been helpful for ME. My mother and dad did all this years ago with just the BOYS in the family. The GIRLS are completely out of the loop. I can't change anything now, I just think it would be nice to "know" what's going on and who has DPOA and why were we girls just kind of cut out of it all. (I know that my parents felt that a "girl" being the executrix would be inappropriate. My daughter is ours, even tho my son is an attorney. It's all about who will do what you WANT. Sorry I'm not really on topic, but I am a tad upset at realizing I don't know who is "in charge" of Mother, when she gets worse.
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No, you cannot petition for guardianship without other siblings being notified, and that includes your siblings and her siblings. Second, if you go now for G/C on a emergency basis you will have support of doctors from recent interactions, and the best are primary care who know her well, and psychiatrists if she goes to a mental health unit. The court does not want to hear your long and sad story. So focus on facts that help: Brother is convicted felon who has not had her with him...done. And if other brother does not contest, done. Don't go for professional G & C as a compromise to satisfy siblings...getting out of them requires another round of court time. If there is not much in assets, no formal conservatorship is needed anyway. Mom's assets (if they exist) legally pay court costs for the guardianship lawyers, though she may also have her own lawyer if she wishes to contest the idea of guardianship.
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WHAT !!!!! This person is a manic !!!
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In NC, the petition form for guardianship requires the Petitioner to list other family members as well as those who might have an interest in the case. Upon the filing, the court appoints a temporary guardian to investigate the case and see what is truly in the best interest of the subject. They will normally locate the names of siblings and contact them for input on the matter. Those who oppose may show up for the hearing and those who don't can send word through an attorney or the guardian.

Here, the Guardian must be bonded, so it's unlikely a person with a criminal record would be able to. They must also have good credit, so that might be a factor too.
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Dear mshutt. as already stated above by another member, your brother CAN NOT OUTLAWYER you because of what he was, what he is, and his living style and conditions. He can not take care of his dysfunctional family, so do you think a court will let him care for your mother health wise and financial aspect. On top of that, when you hire a lawyer, have him/her sue, or put a lien on the estate to get back ALL YOUR MOTHER'S RELOCATION EXPENSES, regardless of the POA decision out come. This will force your brother, or the court to refund your expenses. If your brother will keep his NO WAY attitude, inform him that you will request that the state probate and guardianship will take over. This may make him back off, but also will take powers away from you
till the situation is clearly established. Good Luck.
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You should contact an estate attorney. Are you anywhere near Sacramento b/c my brother is one?
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As our attorney told us, at least in our state, it is better to inform the other siblings if at all possible so that they do not have a leg to stand on should they learn of a court ruling later and approach the court saying that they were never informed. Here, the court would reopen the case and listen to what they have to say at that point. An experienced, good elder law attorney will guide you through this process.

Good work on protecting your mom and being there for her despite all that you and she have been through!
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Mshutt-
I hope you feel better after your rant! (No judgment, just a bit of a shock) It sounds as if you will need to take some time off and go to the state where mom lives and work with an attorney who specializes in Elder Law and get your mom to yourself. I cannot IMAGINE that any court is going to give the brother any say in the matter, but you do need to do things legally, esp if mom is not with it enough to make decisions.
It also sounds like your brother is going to fight you, but his criminal background should be enough to keep him out of mom's "legal" life. My oldest brother also "assumed" that along with his role as oldest male in the family, he was also "heir" to the throne, so to speak. Dad appointed my younger brother as executor and gave him POA MANY years ago. Dad has passed and older brother did kick up a tiny fuss, thinking he was to inherit some things--duh, it all went to mother. Older brother only came around mother to get a few bucks here and there. He passed 2 years ago--peace reigns. Sounds like you are (rightfully) very upset. Try to be calm and organized and take the time to get your ducks in a row and get your mom. No, all the siblings DON'T have to be notified, I wasn't when all the legal stuff went down with my parents. Neither were my sisters (women don't rank real high in our family, I guess) Arm yourself with the truth and let the courts handle it. I would think this would be pretty simple to see you are a much better choice for a caregiver. Good luck with all of this.
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Banks don't appoint trustees, courts do. It sounds like you are already in charge of her financials. Whether she comes home or needs a facility is up to her doctors. Work with them on what is the safest option for her and for you.
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Thankyou for the help... I was hoping it wouldn't far enough that I would have to apply for G/C on her. mostly it plays into her greatest fears of someone having total control of her life and money...essentially putting her life and all her assets at the mercy of another person. Though I have read up more on the G/C and as I look back on my life I had a kind of unofficial G/C on my mom and her A*hole 2nd husband.I feel I am the best candidate in my family to be my mothers G/C as I am the closest to her than any of the three of us... mainly because when my parents divorced my mom got me and my brothers went to my father. and aside from a few court ordered visitations, it had been basically for most of my life it had been me & her other than a few speed bumps( a couple of abusive BF and a very abusive 2nd husband,thankfully he got sent to prison 5 yrs.later for life for trying to kill my mom and me for the insurance he had on us.)
From the time I was 6 til I was 18 and moved out... our relationship seemed like I was the parent and she was the child. I cleaned, cooked did laundry etc..I even had to pick out what she was going to wear to work or just for the day. She was working 2 jobs and I babysat when I got older...you would be surprised hoe my you can rake in as a babysitter..lol. then when I got older around 16-17 and the Bast*d of a 2nd husband ( druggie leach) started kiting checks and it almost cost our house and everything we had, the bank then appointed me the trustee of the account and I added paying the bills, buying groceries, and giving them a weekly allowance to my list of things I took care of on a daily basis. All they would do is go to work come home the "leach" would go straight to his pot plants that he grew in a hidden spot in the back yard.(i'll tell you what I did to him to get even at the end of this post) some were as tall as me.after tending his buds he would make a tall bourbon and soda water then bring out the weed box and roll two doobies. one for him and one for her. Then he would go grab mom from whatever she was doing and he would light them up and make her smoke one with him. if she refused he would punch her in the head or slap her.I don't know if you can get addicted to just pot. though I know mom would be pretty much like a zombie after she smoked with him. And I took care of everything. I was my mom's protector. Anytime he would start smacking her around I would jump in between them and make him stop... one of two of the worst memories I have of protecting my mom is the time I came home early from school (no band practice that day.) and in a way I'm glad I did but when happen scared my soul for the rest of my life as I never though I would ever get the nerve to do what I did.... I walked through the front door to see A*hole sitting on my mother just pounding her face using one fist then the other and blood was everywhere and it was flying with ever punch he threw. Though I don't remember much of it...I apparently had a mental snap be cause I that he was killing as all she could do at point was just moan and I snuck into the kitchen and grabbed the biggest butcher knife I could find and snuck back into living room and quietly so he would never see it coming I proceeded to bring the knife down to stab him in the back as hard as I could between his shoulder blades. But I never heard his father come in the house and he grabbed the blade of the knife just in time to keep me from killing him. I had forgotten to close the front door and he can in to see what was going on since mom started to be able to scream again and was doing it for all she was worth he had heard her screams and came in running and stopped me from making the biggest mistake of my life... killing someone. Leach happened to turn around because he heard his father yelling at me to let got of the knife. He ended up having to get 13 stitches trying to get the knife from me.
just be fore the ambulance came for my mom since he had broke just about every bone in her face... I remember looking at him with the nastiest face I could make and told him if I ever saw him hit her again I would make sure his father wasn't going to be around to save him and I would kill him... not my proudest moment but it put the fear of God into him and I never saw him hit after that. He even stop making her smoke pot with him... though I think she kept doing it out of habit. The other one was after I turned 18... I was washing the dishes from dinner and her came up to me and whispered in my ear that since I was legal... that I had to start putting out or get out. Since I was a virgin at the time I was really scared as I sure in hell didn't want him to be my first time. I tried to tell my mom but her stopped me every time I tried to tell her.... then he started to grop on me every chance he could then he would whisper that maybe to night would the night he would come for a visit in my room. I felt so guilty that I had left her behind with that monster... a few nights later he was drunk driving with my mother pretty much passed out in the front seat. He had unbuckled her seatbelt then proceeded to hit a mack truck head on as it was going downhill and he was going up hill. the police report stated that he he was doing a happy dance next to the door on my mother's side of the car saying he killed her and he was gonna be rich.. it turned out he got a small cut on his eye, my mother on the other hand been passed out and no seat belt hit the dash & windshield full force and broke bone in her face and almost lost all her front teeth ( thank goodness they had a special cement that they could put on them until they were able to re-root.) she also suffered three broken ribs and had a punctured lung.they arrested him on the spot and charged him with attempted murder , While cleaning moms bedroom I found that he had $250,000 life insurance policies on my mother and I and was trying to kill us off to collect on them... he came home 3 days later ( his parents put up their house to bail him out until his court hearing) He tried to act like nothing happened, mom was still n the hospital, and then he found out that I had found the insurance policies and with a really sick & twisted smile he whispered you're next since he figure that mom was messed up and probably wouldn't live much longer. As much as I hated to leave my mother without protection I had to leave and quick... I went to go see my mom at the hospital and tried to get her to leave with me when she got out... but all she said was what's the point he would just get mad ,find us and drag us back home.and beat us like he did the last time we tried. My little brother begged me to take him with me, but I couldn't because I would be crossing state lines and him being a minor the jerk would get me charged with kidnapping him.I felt so guilty that I had left her behind with that monster.. but I truly feared for my life. I heard a few days later his hearing came up and with the insurance policies that I had gave the DA and the fact he had pending charges for beating the crap out of my mother, then was drunk, stupid and got caught doing his little happy dance and the police officer heard him say that he killed her and was gonna be rich... He was sent to prison and later got in a fight and shanked someone.. he ended up getting life for it and what he tried to do to us. Mom doesn't remember much of what she went through, the doctors at the state hospital said that she was blocking it all out as all the trauma of finding out all that he did not just to her but also my little brother and me and she was going to move in with one of her sisters down south to get treatment and try to get her life back together... and I helped her a lot during that time... and all my life she has known that I would always try to protect her anyway possible... and as the dementia slowly steals her memories and her life she is now starting to remember and mentally reliving that part in our lives and has to deal with the fear that comes with it. And I again am by her side willing and waiting to help protect her again...and with me she can feel safe again.
well I know this was a really long post and totally off topic, but wanted to give you the true reason behind why I'm the best choice to be her G/C. And I plan on telling the judge this part of my past and re-live the nightmare so he will understand that I will do everything in my power to take care of her and keep her safe.
Oh I almost forgot to tell you how I got even with him for breaking her face the last time I ever seen him hit her.... Well he love the 3 pot plants that he was growing and couldn't wait to harvest them, giving some to friends of his that already paid him for their cut and getting to smoke the rest...
I added weed killer to his watering can... he always used miragrow on them and the blue color covered the color of the weed killer perfectly.
Her was so upset when they all started to wilt, dry up and die off.
He though it was because of the hot weather and he kept watering them to death.
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MS - mom since she is not competent or cognitive, she cannot do any DPOA paperwork so at this point the only option is to go the guardianship / conservator route for either you to be appointed by the court OR for the state to appoint a court approved & vetted outside guardian. G/C's really are not a DIY project IMHO & you need an attorney to deal with this in probate court where G/C are done. It is a speciality area & you need legal that know the system & judges as judge has a good bit of discretion in his courtroom. It will cost - maybe 5-12K.

An emergency G/C can be done & your attorney will know how to be done.

Your worry about brother taking charge & getting guardianship is unlikely if he or anyone in his household or dependency is a felon. Court routinely does background on applicants & you can mention this in your application (if you do this, attach a copy of his publicly available arrest records - judge will love this tidbit to dress down bro if he shows up to challenge you). Bro won't pass. You need to get a court order appointing you the G/C to shut down bad bro or any other family from ever interfering from this point on. G/C is held in probate court and is all open records so keep that in mind.

G/C are expensive to set in place and there is no way around this if family want to be appointed. If you cannot, then you petition the court as a concerned family member to have a outside court appointed G/C done. Sometimes this is the way to go as they can get things done faster, quicker & their whole job is being a G/C with the legal savvy to know what to do. If there are mental health issues the appointed G/C can get doors opened that you never could. Often when there is family infighting the judge appoints an outside G/C anyways as judge not going to take any truck or time to deal with family dramarama.

There is a great recent thread on this site of a post from Heidi73 on her path of dealing with her mom, G/C and appointed G/C & the court, that is an especially insightful read.
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