Is my father with Alzheimer's traveling to visit siblings in other states a healthy idea?

I would say it all depends on your dad's severity of dementia. My mom has dementia and nothing gives her more pleasure than a road trip! It's so stimulating for her. We stop, eat, visit. She seems more lucid when she is relaxed in the car. We've done 16 hrs from CO to IL. We've also flown and she gets very excited about a plane ride. I would not make her plane ride more than 2 hours though as I would need to assist her with bathroom issues. Too confusing for her in an airplane bathroom. I recently placed Mom in assisted living as she is blossoming. It's the best thing I could have done for her. I struggled with guilt at first, but when I go to visit and see her in activities, it makes me cry that I didn't do this sooner for her. Discuss this with your dr regarding travelling first, but it could be a real lift to his spirit. Also, it's so healthy to stop blaming siblings and friends, even though it might be truth. It's not going to change the circumstances and it adds extra stress that you do not need. I have no family around to help me. My brother comes when he is able. I just made a shift in the way I am viewing this situation and am choosing to be positive. My mom so picked up on my stress and therefore that made her stressed. Now there is an ease when I am visitng her. We laugh now.

Bullseye, (just another perspective)
I live 800 miles from my mom. When my dad died in 2007, we, my younger sister (who lives within 40 minutes of mom) and myself, tried to keep her in her home. That lasted about a year. She lives in a very nice assisted living facility for memory care patients near where her home was. We and she both thought at the time that keeping her in her home town, would allow other interested family and friends access. I use to have my mom come to visit me. We had a caregiver travel with her. Although she had visited and stayed in my home many times, it was very still stressful on her and my family. Although my sister is very responsible and dutiful with my mom, there is little social interaction. My sister sacrifices her vacation to bring my mom to her doctor's appointments. Earlier on she would include mom in family gatherings. Since my dad died my mom has become severely distrustful and hateful towards my sister, so I don't blame my sister one bit. Very few people, if any regularly visit with my mom. As far as mom thinks, she falsely believes that no one has visited her for months. When I speak with her (on the phone or in person), she really doesn't remember who I am. I personally yurn to move my mom here. I don't know how she would react to the move, so I don't do it. For the most part she seems to be able to remember where her room is. I don't know if she could relearn anything. So when I get to go home once, possibly twice a year, I stop in and visit. She tells me about her fantasy family of 6 kids (there are only 2 that we know of) who live very far away and that are too busy in their lives to visit. She complains about where she lives. She doesn't know why she has been put there, but she knows one day she will get out and be able to live her life. In the next breath, she is explaining about what a wonderful place she lives and they take very good care of her and allow her to be as independent as they can. It rips me apart inside. I go back to my home and live with guilt and doubt that if I moved her closer to me that she may be happier. I selfishly fantasize about stopping after work and joining her for meals and holidays and hanging out with her on weekends. Some days, I pray for her to be permanently released.
Maybe you could make a deal with your brother. If he came and stayed with you (or you take this time to get a little break) for a week and he took care of your father in your home, as a trial, you would have more faith that he is able take care of him, or more likely, your brother will realize that he is incapable of taking care of your dad and that your dad shouldn't be taken away from his stable environment. The education for both of you may be enlightening and enriching. Best wishes.

Bullseye - Your question is a good one. I can only speak from my personal experience having cared for my husband with stage 6 dementia for four years. Traveling to a different city for family events or for overnight visits, even by car, is pretty traumatic for my husband. His confusion increases and he becomes seriously anxious. Rather than sleeping, which means I don't sleep, he spends most of the night gettting up and down, opening and closing doors, turning lights on and off, and in a general state of confusion. He constantly asks when we can go home and doesn't really know where he is, why he's there or recognize very many family members. Because of this, I recently announced to our children that we would no longer be able to go and visit them - and that they would have to come to us if they wanted to visit me and their dad, or have the grandchildren visit with us. We have some extra room to accommodate visitors, so there's no hotel costs for them. Anyway, IMHO (in my humble opinion), I think it's very hard on a dementia/Alzheimer's patient to travel. The consideration should be what's best for the dementia patient, not what's easiest/best for the family member. Just my thoughts . . .

Sorry, more than THEY can chew.

Does your dad have any money that they want to get their hands on? It will be harder for you to get your dad back from so far away in another state.

I'm sorry to bring that up, but their sudden desire to be involved seem suspicious.

Momhouseme,
So I guess this "Since my friend couldn't/wouldn't visit him, his kids moved him to their nearby Kaiser (3 hr from my friend) and that was the beginning of the end; once boyfriend was in nursing home the kids ensured he made a new POA naming them and revoking her and it goes on." indicates the kids were not acting in their dad's best interest? Maybe they should have left him to just be alone...
Bullseye,
There are quite a lot of horror stories posted on this site. Most people don't post the good and happy events/news. Unless your family member (brother here) has displayed bad are harmful behaviors, I think you should consider the effect your decision and how you handle the request, may have on your relationship with him/her. Once your parent dies, he/she maybe your only remaining family. I'm not saying throw all caution to the wind. I'm sure you know in your heart why your brother stayed away. Education for your sibling along with thoughtful and considerate dialog should be the starting point, not listening to only the horrors listed on this site.

My father in law was in early stages of Alzheimer's when he & mother in law flew to FL to visit their daughter. While there, he became more distrustful, even paranoid. On the flight home, he looked at my mother in law & said, I don't know who you are, but thanks for helping me. From that moment on, he seldom remembered her name, or that she was his wife. His downward spiral quickened, and she could no longer care for him. Later, the doctor informed her that change of environment can exacerbate the disease.
My own mother was having some early dementia symptoms. She lived in her own home a block from me, and I have taken "care" of her for ten years. Up to the age of 90, she drove & volunteered in a local elementary school. Due to balance and memory issues, I have been more involved with her transportation and shopping. But lately I had to spend more time helping her remain "independent." Any change in routine caused confusion. For example, she took her vitamin every day at the same time. When the doctor prescribed the only Rx she ever needed, I put it in her pill box with the vitamin, and told her to take them at the same time. She stopped taking everything, because there was an extra pill & she didn't know what to do with it. I had to go to her house 3 times/day, just to be sure she took her meds and was eating & drinking. I brought her food and snacks. She didn't want to join us for meals, didn't keep the same hours as us, etc.
She fell, and was hospitalized. While there, she became more confused, and the doctors said she could no longer be alone in her home. She was moved to a rehab/nursing facility for PT & OT. While there, she 'named' her children, but they were all her siblings. She became more depressed and uncooperative, wanting to go home, but not knowing where it was. She cried, yelled that she can't trust me, etc. We moved her into a beautiful assisted living/personal care facility, 1 mile from my home. She accepted that she was there "for a while". My closest brother is 4 hour drive away. The other is 3 states away. Both offered for her to live with them. Neither realized the level of need, or that she is so emotionally attached to routines. My younger brother visited her, and decided this was best for her. Uprooting her, requiring her to get used to new environments, would cause more stress. Also, the only people she would see are them. Where she is now, former neighbors, card club members, and other friends she has made over 10 years come and visit. She has been there one month, and although she still thinks she will be able to go "home" she no longer cries about it, and just keeps "working" on her walking and memory so she will be able to leave.
My brother asked her if she would like to come stay with him for a couple weeks, and she said no. He asked if she would like to go for a short while at Thanksgiving, and she said she wants to take things one day at a time.
Let your brothers come for a week while you go to Arizona...

Thanks for your update, Bullseye. You are a "target" in the real sense of a Bullseye. For all who posted here, we always know there is more to the story than what is originally posted. You have your hands full with Dad and dealing with the courts. Hold your head up high - work with everyone as much as you can, even your brothers, but don't let your guard down. The problems always seem to have something to do with $'s, property, loans, etc. DO NOT take your Dad to AZ. That will totally confuse him. Your brothers are the ones who should be doing the traveling now, not you and your Dad, and you can not send him traveling on his own. Is your Dad aware of the situation - does he understand? Does he want to see his sons? One trip to a lawyer's office on a good day for him with your brother/s could cause you and your Dad more problems than ever imagined. It is very difficult to deal with siblings who become uncooperative and even vindictive. The threat to your husband should send up red flags all over the place and you must also protect your family. God bless you. Yes, the Lord will take care of things in His time while we are the ones being tested...Hugs. "The truth shall set you free."

If we read this posters information, we see that the brothers in question never offered help when they were nearby.

No one is suggesting that the brothers COULDN'T or SHOULDN'T help with their dad, just that bullseye should be cautious and investigate their motives.

If you have read many of the horror stories posted on this forum, especially dealing with money and moving across state lines, the sudden interest of the brothers deserves some scrutiny.

This forum is to post opinions, personal experiences and support. I take the position that if I know something, I share in the most informative way I know how. It is up to the poster to correlate the information given as it applies to their own situation, of which we only know a part.

Well, now that we know more about this story, it seems that those of us who were intuitively suspicious had justification. Wow...the seemingly sweet desire for dad to visit Arizona is more likely a ploy to relocate him into a different court jurisdiction. You can certainly do what you want, but if I were you, I would BEWARE ... Arizona is a state unto itself when it comes to the law.

If I read your question correctly, you and your dad lives in Alaska where's your brothers moved FROM, and now that they live in Arizona, they want to take your dad from Alaska to Arizona on a trip to see Arizona, is that right?

What a can of worms so to speak. Do they even know what's involved and how to take care of your dad? You don't say what state your dad is generally in, behaviorally, how he handles new environments, movement, lots of people buzzing about, chatter, etc. And what are his bathroom, bathing and other hygiene needs.

What is his level of recollection? Why would he need to go see Arizona, and maybe mess him up mentally, if he wouldn't even be able to remember it?

And how would they plan to get him there? Long car trips are usually a recipe for disaster. Flying is often something that freaks out dementia patients, sometimes not until the very last minute, and often also due to security regulations and TSA pat downs.

Some have gone so far as to rent RVs when a trip of any length is involved so the patient can have a bed and a bathroom whenever necessary.

Depending on the length of the trip, the mode of transportation and your father's condition, your brothers maybe biting off more than I can chew.