Having to tell mom she CAN'T WALK many times daily. Does anyone have any ideas on how to get this one thing to stick in her memory?

If she has dementia and “only forgets the ‘current’”, you have to internalize the fact yourself, that she WILL NOT remember that she can't walk, because her brain is unable to retain new information. NOTHING will stick.

If you are comfortable distracting her when she asks, tell her “Not now, mom” or “Maybe after lunch” or some other general neutral statement.

She is probably not nearly as frustrated or saddened by forgetting that she can’t walk than you are by having to tell her every time she asks.

I would tell her "mom, the doctor says you need to get a little stronger. He wants you to rest today".

Hopefully, this will be a little less devastating that " you can never walk again".

Great advise from both of you, thank you so much.

My mother 94 has been bedridden for about a month and a half. She will start fidgeting with her gown and covers when she needs to go to the bathroom and if I go near her bed she will ask for help to get up to go. She only recently became incontinent because of becoming unable to walk and being bedridden and it's really sad. I usually just tell her "it will be alright" because I can't think of anything else to say and don't think explaining will do any good. Then I step away and let the inevitable happen at which time she stops fidgeting and asking me for help. I feel bad stepping away but don't know what else can I do. It's a sad situation.

This is very common. I used to say ok,come . She would try and not be able to do more than get a leg over the side of the bed by herself( with great effort) . Many times redirection helped. Music ,changing the subject or tv helped a lot to change gears too. Good luck.

Wow, I have this same problem with my father! He continually thinks he can get up and go brush his teeth or use the bathroom but every time he tries - boom, down he goes. Every time this happens, the facility has to call me and tell me he has fallen and this information IS something he remembers cause he keeps telling the nurse not to call me. Apparently even the nurses don't know how to make him realize he can't walk....I try to tell him when I go see him but he just clams up and gets this look on his face...

Tell her it is not time yet, or the weather is not good. Just any excuse to not be able to walk right then. Telling a dementia patient "They can't" is like a red flag in front of a bull. They are determined to show you even though they are no physically able to move. My husband is the same. Always says he can do it himself, when I say I will get an aid to help him. I just ignore it, and move on.

In my opinion, dementia takes the short term first. Not being able to walk is very recent in her 84 years. Getting up, going to bathroom, not wearing a diaper is long term and goes back to when she was potty trained as a child -- ingrained in her mind well over 80 years. If someone told you to pee in your pants at this point in your life, your brain would tell you to hold it as long as you can because it is not normal. - That's how I see it.

You probably cannot get this 'new' thing to stick in her brain. So maybe new ways to tell her or a sign near her bed - Doctor said do not get out of bed. -or- Push this button/ring bell if you need to go to the bathroom to ensure she asks before trying to get up on her own. -or- We have to get your legs stronger before you can walk around. Let's do some exercises. Little leg lifts or arm lifts probably won't hurt her and will occupy the mind a little.

My mom could not remember that she could not walk and fell several times before she became bedridden. The problem is the memory will not retain this fact. So the way you react to her is more helpful than anything you do to convince her. Don't punish yourself, just learn as much as you can from others about kind ways to deal with your loved one. Many positive suggestions have been made on this website. See what works best for YOU in dealing with this issue. Be KIND to yourself.

Rehab training can get her walking. It's important for her to be walking.
Ask the dr why!!!

This was a very difficult thing with my dad, when his COPD got so bad that he couldn't walk to the bathroom. Very hard for him, as he was cognitively intact but as others have said, it really went against his grain to have a diaper.

My Mom did this too. A mattress even had to be put down beside her hospital bed and the bed lowered as low as possible because she hurt herself trying to climb out and fell in the floor. Had to take her to the ER. Sooo, the only thing that worked the last year of her life was lowering the hospital bed and putting the mattress down so she would just roll off a few inches onto a soft landing. She would do it when we left the room. She argued that we were lying and she could walk. Every single day! Then at night. It works but it doesn’t stop the asking. Just say no and don’t continue explaining. A waste of breath. Mom was in Depend diapers. Rheumatoid arthritis stopped her from walking and then she list her eyesight so she was bedridden and had dementia. The Lord came for her this past December. Good luck and I hope the twin pad or mattress helps you.

Gosh, that's a tough one because elders with dementia aren't going to be able to send a signal to their brain that says "Don't walk." So even if she were to look at words on a white board - "Do not walk" or an audio stating the same, it simply will be lost to the patient, BUT you could try it.

She is not going to remember and even if she did, she won't listen. You have two options that I see. One, you put hospital bars up on the bed so she CAN'T get up and out and walk or try to walk. Or, you have to place her in a facility. This cannot go on. You can talk for days on end and nothing is going to sink in. Sorry but that is the reality.

I guess it is very common! My hubby was so sure that he could sit on the side of the bed that he convinced the new aide! I came home from my dentist appointment one day to find my husband sitting on the floor by his bed and the aide sweating profusely while supporting his back, waiting for me! Thank God for the Hoyer lift. We got him up in a jiffy, and nothing was broken.

But, he still thinks he can stand up or at least sit on the side of the bed. I just ask him to wait while I get the lift. I tell him I’ll lift him up, and he can sit in the chair, no problem.