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My mom has dementia and my dad has lost his memory. There was a problem with their bank account yesterday and I couldn't call for them because I'm not on their account. My mom can no longer leave their condo with 3 sets of steps to get in and out. Attorney says they both have to come in to the office and I know my mom would have to be there to sign the cards necessary to add met their account. I've waited too long to have these things in place. Where do I go from here? I have a sister that lives close but she won't even stop in and see them, let alone go to them when I beg her to help. It's always NO.

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Oh crap, it's always something isn't it? IMO you need a new CELA (certified elder law attorney). THis is BS that they both have to come into attorney's office. There may be need for a witness, but a compassionate attorney under the circumstances I would hope be willing to make a darn home visit, even if they convey a need to charge a bit more and to bring a witness along. Also not an expert in legal stuff, but wondering if you couldn't be the messenger back and forth same day with the papers and something be done via zoom? Don't know unless you ask?....
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Thank you everyone for responding to my plea/question!! My mom can't be reasoned with if you are telling her something that she doesn't want to do but she is cognizant of her surroundings and what's going on. My dad has started losing his memory but can be spoken to about these things and understands. I agree that this elder attorney isn't the right one. They offer a 30 min free consultation but they won't speak to me!
I love 45 min from my folks and go there often. They do want me to POA. My sons girlfriend works in the nursing home business, in the marketing field. Her very good friend is a social worker in the same town as my parents. We have it set up for both of them to come to my parents this Friday. Her friend has all the paperwork and is a notary. Also very experienced. We will be able to get the paperwork signed, notarized and witnessed. That's a huge weight off my chest!! I know they are both able to do this with a sound mind as it is their wish. Thank you all for coming to my aid once again!!
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Have you talked to your attorney about the possibility of a Virtual Conference between mom, you and he? Might be possible
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CJLC1234 Aug 2021
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Get help from somebody and bring your parents in. Get them the help they need now. The other - and more expensive option - is to become their legal guardians. Less expensive, but also an option, is to allow the courts to assign your parents a legal guardian. However, the legal guardian will make all decisions and not necessarily what your parents would have wanted.
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Dexpending of the state you live in there are some elder law attorneys that will come to their home. They will assess the situation and make you aware of the options. Had to have lawyer come out for mother in law. Depending on the situation you could say for safety reasons such as balance if it exists to get the attorney to come to the house. But, there is a possibility that the only option is to take them to a lawyer. Make sure it is an elder law attorney. Conservatorship/guardianship maybe the only viable option.
Best of luck
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Frances73 Aug 2021
My parents lived in a small town and the lawyer came to their house to have them sign documents. Once she went to memory care during Covid I would send in documents and one of the nurses would sign as a witness, even if Mom could only sign an X.
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Probate attorneys will come to your home, if they understand the circumstances.
Your situation is not uncommon.
Have an attorney observe the situation and advise from there.
Conservator seems to be the only option.
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CJLC1234 Aug 2021
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If your mom has been diagnosed with dementia she no longer can sign anything legal. Check with you Association in Aging https://askjan.org/organizations/American-Society-on-Aging.cfm

Question what your attorney said before taking your mom out. Contact an elder law attorney or contact your area or state attorney bar association

Best wishes
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If yesterday's (August 9th, yes?) type of situation arises again, you call the bank with your father standing next to you. You introduce yourself to the call handler, and say "my father, Mr CJLC, is here to speak to you and give his permission for me to explain his instructions." You hand the phone to your father, the call handler will run him through the security questions (which you can support and prompt him with), and you should then be able to complete the call.

That's first aid for banks, utility companies, anyone else who can only deal with their customer or his nominated representative.

Can your father attend the office to create a POA for you? That would be better than nothing.

Otherwise you're looking at guardianship.
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CJLC1234 Aug 2021
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It's never too late. Do it now. You will feel better. Make an appointment quick with an elder lawyer.
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CJLC1234 Aug 2021
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As just stated, pay a qualified lawyer to bring the paperwork to your parents...not the one who wants them to come to his office.
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CJLC1234: Edited to locate an elder law attorney who will be able to come to your parents' location.
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CJLC1234: Imho, you should retain an elder law attorney STAT to obtain PoA for both of your parents.
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CJLC1234 Aug 2021
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This is serious and complicated and you can't mess it up any more. Seek the advice and help of an attorney trained in eldercare to help you. PEOPLE - DO THIS B E F O R E SOMETHING HAPPENS.
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Either guardianship or representative payee for social security would be a good option.
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Why not have the lawyer go to their house to transact the business at hand.
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Contact your local county office for the ageed and disabled.. in my mother’s county they had listings from professionals to contact.
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CJLC1234 Aug 2021
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Don't panic. Most elder law attorneys give free consultations. Find a well regarded elder law attorney who will listen to you and find alternate ways to service you. My Mother's attorney used Zoom. Perhaps the bank will do the same as a courtesy?
Obviously there is a bigger picture with your sister, and she can't be relied upon at all. Can you visit your parents to get a clear assessment of all their needs? Once you are there you can easily install wifi cameras so you can monitor your parents from your cell phone. It seems that neither is competent and in dire need of home care, begin taking steps to set this up ASAP. Finding home care you feel comfortable with will relieve some of the pressure on you. Just take one step at a time, starting with the guidance of a better attorney than the one you have.
We are here for you to vent, cry, or get advice. You can do this!
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doctors can give you a letter that they can no longer handle their affairs. You go to court and file for court appointed power of attorney or guardianship. Guardianship is a lil more intense as court will want quarterly statements on how their money is spent but you need to prepare monthly.
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Circlepi2 Aug 2021
Isn't Guardianship much more involved than a note from the doctor? I thought you had to go thru series of legally procedures?
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I echo MJ1929's advice.   One of the estate planning attorneys for which I worked met with a client who was in a terminal state; she went to the client's house, came back to the office.  We rapidly prepared the estate planning documents and she took them to the client the following day.  The client died shortly after the attorney left.

Another example:  when my sister was in respiratory failure, I contacted another attorney for whom I had worked, and who I respected and trusted a great deal.  She came to the hospital, had the dox prepared and came back either the next or following day.

Good attorneys will make house calls in dire situations. 

CJLC,  this could have been done earlier, but we never knew when things will happen to spur action.  Dementia can be sneaky.    I think the larger issue is not whether someone will come to the house, but whether your parents are cognizant enough to understand what they might be executing.

Geaton's first paragraph addresses this issue and identifies a defining line of being qualified or not to execute documents.  This would be your first step, if you have access to medical records or can call your parents' physicians (I went with my father to all of his appointments and medical staff knew me.  I honestly don't even recall if I provided conformed copies of authorizations).

Start with your parents' doctors to determine if diagnoses have been made.
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A trust and estate attorney worth his salt will make a house call. When my dad was given a terminal diagnosis and my mother was unable to be taken to the attorney's office, their attorney came to the house to do the paperwork for them to resign from their trust and allow me to take over their affairs.

Find another attorney.
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commutergirl Aug 2021
I was a paralegal in an estates and trusts department and often times I went to clients' homes for their signature as I was also a notary public. I would video record our conversation and the signing in the event family wanted to contest we had back up that client was of sound mind at the time of signing.
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Simple answer - Yes you have waited too long - someone with dementia cannot make a POA.
So you will have to go for guardianship. Speak to an Elder Lawyer about putting this process in action.
Good luck, it is always so hard when people will not talk about things when they can and then become incapable and the job gets harder.
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jenny6 Aug 2021
Technically, people without legal capacity should not be able to sign legal documents, but it does happen and that paperwork has been used to invalidate estate plans that had been in place for 20-30 years . Be careful when asking for guardianship, especially if any family member objects. You open yourself to a potential situation where the judge appoints a professional conservator . Here in CA adult guardianship is called conservatorship. ALL expenses - salary for professional conservator - attorney fees for BOTH sides, investigations, etc. all come out of. the conservatee's money. When all the money runs out and the professional conservators lose interest, the conservatee ends up a ward of the county.
There are many horror stories about guardianship. See "How the Elderly Lose Their Rights" in the New Yorker magazine, or the fictional "I Care a Lot" on Netflix .
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Does your mom have a diagnosis of cognitive impairment in her medical records? Has her doctor ever given her the test? Sometimes mild memory loss will still be acceptable for assigning a PoA but the attorney overseeing the paperwork will interview them each separately and privately to make this determination.

Your only other legal pathway is to pursue guardianship through the courts. It is expensive and time consuming but will give you the authority to manage all their affairs (and in your case it would be x 2, so not sure this is even financially do-able unless they have the funds to cover the expense).

With no PoA or family guardian, the count will need to become their guardian since the law requires there be a legal authority for each person. I'm going to send you a PM (private message) so please check for it on your Profile page.
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