Have any of you gone against your children to place your spouse in a care facility?

The rehab will teach him how to regain use of his arms & legs. If he has dementia...not mentioned....then cooperation is limited with physical & occupational therapy. But this seems to be something he could recover from. He has best opportunity in rehab...not home. If after rehab, he’s not back to himself, tell Social Worker you’re not capable of being his caregiver. The adult children don’t have a say since they not doing caregiving. They are only outside critics, who have no clue. Take one step at a time, but certainly don’t take him home if he can’t take care of himself. You can’t lift him or move him or you will get injured. Let us know how it goes. Medicare will pay for short term rehab providing he is progressing. Hugs 🤗

The advice to take the opportunity to do your own "financial forensic investigation" is on spot.  Really critical.  This is a situation where knowledge is truly power.  You need to find out all about the financials, all the info you can, because your future depends on it and with this knowledge  your attorney can work to protect you.  If I understand the situation, you are wife, caregiver, housekeeper, etc., but are financially powerless?  OMG.  Get together all the info you can about your financial situation, account number, insurance, just everything, while he is out of the way. That will give you some confidence and power - you are not helpless.  A work friend had this situation happen - she accidentally overheard her husband and daughter talking, so that she would be impoverished. She was shocked - couldn't believe they would do such a thing. Next day she contacted a woman's shelter, got a referral to an attorney who explained step and step what she had to do to protect herself. She patiently followed through, got together documents, etc., etc.  She did not divorce her husband, but he died a couple years later.  On the way back from the funeral home, she quietly got the kids together and explained to them that Dad's plans were NOT what was going to happen. Her ducks were all in a row.   She did not want some kind of family feud, was prepared to be generous and forgiving, but she was in charge of her estate. Kids accepted that.

Katie, one point I didn’t see elsewhere. If there is money in the bank, start making withdrawals - nothing huge that will get questioned down the road. Maybe take $100 a week or a little more - every week. You will need a nest egg to get you started if you decide to go. See your attorney as soon as you can. He can advise you on the best way to about it all. Stay Strong Woman - Hugs from me in Florida.

P.S. Even if you ultimately decide not to go (but I hope you do), you should still have cash on hand. You don’t know what’s coming down the road.

It should not be necessary to make him 'a ward of the state'. Rehab is covered for a certain amount of time with Medicare. After those days expire, if he still requires rehab or NH care, the self pay is determined on his income and resources (bank accounts, savings, etc). Some facilities are rehab (short term) patients only and some facilities are considered partly nursing home long term and partly rehab because they have a certain number of beds they use for rehab. You need to ask your doctor or a social worker at the hospital to tell you about rehab facilities in the area. Then go visit to see #1 if they have adequate staff (which means they show up in a reasonable period of time when the call button is pushed for help/toileting).

If he does not recover at rehab and requires long term facility, then you discuss with children and doctor. Can he safely go home and is there enough money to hire help at home. Can doctor assist you in getting home health care to continue physical improvement. Should he have to stay at a long term facility, your financial situation will be evaluated by NH Medicaid (Health and Humans Services in Texas) to determine how much might be owed to NH each month for care. The spouse remaining in the home is not left destitute by this process. If there is no money except, perhaps, social security and the income is low enough, he might be eligible right away for Medicaid to assist with the cost of his NH bed.

In regard to psychosis - although it is a real term referred to, often it is as simple as a urinary infection to be ruled out. Happens VERY commonly in the nursing home settings and patients act totally different, language, dementia issues. Always rule that out.

Katie ; Happy Easter. I hope things are going well and that your DH is a bit appreciative that he is home for the holiday.

If you are one of many of us who missed out on getting a financial education, go to Bogleheads.org. You will find out that money is not as complicated as it's made out to be.