Have any caregivers left their loved one in a memory care facility for respite?

I had all sorts of fears placing my Husband in respite.
I had a vacation planned. I would be gone an extended time, 3 weeks. I had not had a vacation in 6 years!
I had all sorts of fears.
Would he "remember" me when I got back?
Would he be so institutionalized by the time I got back that I would not be able to bring him home.
What would happen if he got sick, or worse, died while I was gone..?
And a half a dozen other fears that ran through my head.....
I set it up that my Sister would be the contact if anything went wrong she was authorized to handle it.
I did get a call from my Brother in Law. The facility doctor had diagnosed my Husband with an infection and they wanted authorization to treat it.
I got back to my Brother in Law and said of course treat it. (this should not even have been a call he had to make but anyway...)
I got back home.
My Husband went and sat in his recliner as soon as he got inside.
He was just as at home as ever. I never had to worry..
Oh, the infection....
I got the bill later...ATHLETES FOOT! and the prescription was the exact same stuff that I had for him at home only the stuff from the facility pharmacy cost at least 10 times what the normal prescription cost is.

Take care of yourself.
He will be fine.
He will be cared for
He will be safe.

Your husband will be FINE in Memory Care while you take a well needed break! When my mother's dementia was advanced and she lived in Memory Care full time, she thought she was living in a hotel and the caregivers were moving her to a new and better hotel every night, after they'd taken her to a new & fancy restaurant for dinner! True story. She had elaborate stories for me about the nice shows she was taken to, also. She was living the high life & saying how exhausted she was from all the social activities they were taking her to all the time!

An Alz/dementia patient lives primarily in his MIND. So no matter where your husband is living physically, mentally, he'll be in a different place ANYWAY. It won't matter to him if you're 100 feet away or 1000 miles away, as evidenced by him asking you if 'you've been there all along' when you're gone for a few hours. Keep that in mind when you leave for respite which you need to do!

He may like MC so much that you'll feel comfortable to place him there permanently after you return.

Best of luck!

The absence is much harder on you than it will be on him. His asking "have you been here all along?" demonstrates that he doesn't have an accurate perception of length of time or who exactly is around. During your much-needed break, he will be kept safe, comfortable, fed and reassured and it HONESTLY won't matter to him what else goes on.

I want to say how much I admire your good sense and constructive approach in looking for a solution that doesn't lay any pressure on your stepdaughter and doesn't leave you in limbo either. I expect you'll find your first day off in five years extremely strange and alien! - but by day three you should find you're at least breathing properly and your ears will stop twitching (the sudden absence of calls and questions takes some getting used to).

What plans do you have for your break? :)

When I worked we had my bosses Aunt for a client. She had to be placed in a NH when no longer could be left alone. She was easy to care for and just check on but literally overnight she had what my Boss called an episode. I asked how Aunt C was doing and was told really well. She thought she was in a Hotel and the aides and Nurses were hotel staff. Loved the dining room and the table cloths that the staff put on the tables. She was a happy camper.

Tell him ur taking him to a nice hotel where he will stay a few days.

You’re very wise to take a respite. Your own health and emotional well being are as important as your husband’s care. I’d urge you not to discuss the respite time a whole lot. He likely won’t understand no matter what is said, and won’t remember it either. Reassure him that you’ll return and go. If you think it would be helpful leave a calendar for the staff to show him visibly what the day is and what day you’ll return. I hope you’ll make this a regular happening and wish you well

Yes. My niece used respite care 1 week per month. My father understood that to be time she could focus on activities with her children. While he was in respite, I would visit him 2 x week, so he still felt connected to family.

He enjoyed meeting new people.

We chose a company with multiple group homes ownership. That gave them flexibility to place him where they had an opening to match my nieces scheduling needs.

Respite Care facilities were actually excellent preparation for when it is time to move into a facility permenantly.

My mother, at mid-stage dementia, thought the respite home was a hotel. There were times when she became agitated that she was ready to move on with her "trip" but she was distractible. Pricey, but my sanity has value too.

Good idea!!! I need a break!!! I cannot hear anymore about other peoples vacations!!

I understand your concern. You need to rest and if your husband was back to his right mind, he’d tell you to rest! Hold onto to that thought. Your husband will be safe and cared for in MC. Will you call him or is that ok to do? I’m not sure if a daily call would be a help or a hindrance.

You didn’t say how long you would be gone, but I doubt he will forget you or be “institutionalized” in a few days or couple of weeks. Maybe if you write him a note that you’ll be back on “whatever date” and leave it with him, or ask a nurse to give it to him, that will give him a daily reminder. Or maybe a calendar with your return date marked and he can count down the days. You may ask the facility again what may help him.

I agree with another response, I’m sure when you both get back home, it’ll be as if neither of you ever left.

Most important, really use this time to recharge. That will be very hard if you are too worried about your husband. You need to be ok for both of your sakes.

If you will, please post again when you are back and let us know how you both did. Good luck!

Wow!! My post would have so semilar to yours. I have been caring for my husband for 6 years with mid- term of Dementia. I have been wondering samething to place him in a respite care? Or hire someone in the house? I need to go and see me relatives out of the country minum tree weeks. I have not seen them in 17 yrs. Yes, those questions comes to my mind what if. what if he gets worst after I come back. He is very. Very stubborn man, similar to yours very attached to me. Wish you the best. Exhausted😞