My Mom, who is elderly, lives over a 1,000 miles away with her elderly companion. Recently, she fell and injured herself and is now in rehabilitation. I call everyday to check on her. She wants to make her own decisions and handle her own financial affairs.

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When you say elderly, how old is that. We have 30yr old posters thinking their parent of 65 is elderly.😊

I agree, you need to visit Mom. You need to see how things are. Even if there is no Dementia there is age decline. Maybe Mom can still make her own decisions but a little input on your part may help sway some decisions. Just remember in her eyes you are just the child and she is the parent. You can't go in with guns blazing because if you do, she certainly wil, put up a wall. Just evaluate the situation.

I would not move her either to be with or near you. Medicaid for one reason, does go over state lines. You have a full plate. I used to watch my gson fulltime. Mom moving in I had to stop. We get him now for over nights and days off for school. Your husband and grands are priorities.
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If it were my mom I would be up in her grill. Yup companion or not who is responsible if something happens? If she becomes incompetent is the companion gonna do all the legal, medical, insurance, financial crap that will be coming up? You don't have to be GRRRR and into it but make a conversation out of it. You love her right take some time off and show up at her door. Make a visible point to show you are there for her.
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I just had to say something (we call my sweet daughter HollyBerry)--

YES, a ton of people have this same problem.

You need to come back and go into more detail. How old is mom? Can she handle her ADL's? Can she drive or at least get transportation on her own?

This may be a good time to go "boots on the ground" and get there personally and check out the situation. Calls just don'y give the all the necessary information. Mom no doubt flavors hers calls with you to make you either A: feel fine or B: feel guilty.

As long as she can, she should be allowed to handle her own life. You don't want to (trust me). As long as she can, hopefully for all of her life, she can be in control, but you kind of owe it to yourself and her to find out exactly what's going on.
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