Has anyone reported a parent to the DMV to prevent them from driving anymore?

Speak to you mom’s dr & let them know she’s still driving. My mom’s dr was the one who told me If she didn’t give it up on her own he would report it

Yes, my husband and I reported our 90 year old mother to the dmv because she is stubborn. She is going blind and only has one eye to begin with. She’s also hardly able to walk so her reflex time isn’t what it needs to be for someone to be safe on the road. They revoked her license and when this happens they have to go to a trial to fight to get it back, take the written test, eye test and driving test to try and get it back. Our mom thinks she is still going to drive despite not having a license for a year. She’s going to an eye doctor who has also recommended she not drive and argues with him to change the paperwork. Her caretaker passed a note to the doctor that said her family doesn’t want her to drive. You can report her to dmv anonymously and she’ll never know. Best she not hurt someone or herself and take her keys away. She’ll be angry but she’ll be safe from herself. I had an old neighbor that ran over her own grandchild whom she didn’t see behind the car while pulling out the driveway and killed her. Better safe than sorry.

I am fixing to turn in my mother to the DMV. She refuses to give up her car.

Yes I did for my mother in law who was the main driver, 80 years old with late onset Alzheimers. We had ( still have) our entire family on Life360 , GPS. Several times mom would get lost while driving and we would have to help navigate her and dad back home or to their destination. I documented all events. Mom even had a wreck. I sent a letter to the State Medical Board stating our concerns and asked them to review her license. What I was told was that they would request a letter from her physician stating her capacity to drive and also to have her to take the exam.... if she passed it... she could keep her license.... our mom recognized she could not pass the exam and relinquished the keys.

Side note... having the Medical Board make this decision takes the blame off of you.... it did me....

Yes, parents have been moved reluctantly..

The wall of guilt..

The longing in the eyes, voice, and demeanor.. It was agonizing...

hence the WALL OF GUILT... and it is still up...lil by lil... Yes, quickly goes up,, and....

:(

Just tie the string around that loose tooth and PULL IT... It's not so painful.. Just a bit irritating.. but what a relief!!

yes, role reversal.

as my brother told me.. as he was a fireman, experienced old people being blamed fully for the accident ... They are old... they did it... nope,, old people get confused and apologize.... TAG IT'S THEIR FAULT.

HE has seen it multiple times... So, one day, he said to take the car keys ... period...
ok.... no ma, yo cannot drive anymore...sorry...

And the insurance to go on top of that? yikes...

and my friend was hit by a senior... mistook the gas pedal for the brake.. t-boned him... car was totaled.. Thank goodness it was on the passenger side that took the bulk of the hit....

And a years back.. a senior drove down the Santa Monica Board Walk, and ran over 5 or 6 people...he was confused.. That was before public walking spaces put up the big giant steel posts that would stop a car from proceeding ...

A friend was an insurance broker... he told a story of an old lady driving in a parking lot, ran over a person, got very confused... backed up, because she didn't know what she ran over, car went over the injured, the proceeded to put the car back into drive and drove over that person again...

Think about all the fun lawsuits you can be enjoying if mom gets into an accident.. nobody to witness this old lady did not cause the accident.. whose story is going to be believed? The young one or the old one with dementia?

Oh ya... my friend found out her mother had brain cancer, ,because the LAST CAR ACCIDENT MOM CAUSED within 3 weeks OF each other, mom had to have a CT SCAN... head injuries... her car rolled. Thats how fast she was driving... She passed away soon after.. Very progressive brain cancer...and they were still in lawsuits with the previous accidents.. The last accident she was the only one involved, thank goodness.

There's ride-share, van pool and public transit to consider as safer alternatives to driving if your loved one is still independent.

About 10 years ago, my brother reported my 90+ year old step-father to the Florida Highway Safety and Motor Vehicles. They requested he come in for a written test and only a written test - which he could pass (he was not cognitively impaired, but his vision and reaction times were poor.) So he continued to drive.

Check with the Florida Highway Safety and Motor Vehicles as to what will happen and what test(s) will be required these days if you report your mom.

I asked her doctor to send a letter to DMV. But DMV never responded. Thankfully, she had to have cataract surgery and ended up not driving just long enough for her to think she had lost her driver's license permanently --- so she never asked to drive again.

Unfortunately I can sympathize. My sister and I had to take my mother to the doctor and have a very Frank conversation about her memory care and behavioral issues that seemed to make it unmanageable for her to be independent any longer which included driving. He reported her to the Department of Motor Vehicles who in turn did revoke her license, she was unwilling to relinquish her car and keys so we did have to wait until we actually placed her in and assisted living Memory Care Facility to take care of that issue completely. I will warn you she was extremely disenfranchised and very nasty to deal with for quite some time in Assisted Living after that. During covid she began to really fail to thrive and I had to move her in and become her caregiver, she still lives with me. As such she has bouts of paranoia where she talks about how we took everything from her and says that I'm poisoning her. So sometimes unfortunately you end up living the worst case scenario. What I would say to you is it probably will not be quite this bad for you although it will be somewhat uncomfortable temporarily. You can simply refer back to when you were a child and your parent probably said to you when you had negative consequences for something, this is going to hurt me much more than it's going to hurt you. Sometimes it's just a necessary part of the process that you will just need to endure. The situation is very common to people her age and I'm sure once she's in assisted living she will find that she has plenty of people to commiserate on losing their independence. I definitely wish you and your sister luck just know that it's more important to keep your mother safe than it is to keep her happy.

judy4158: Disable the car by any means possible.

My Dad’s doctor sent him to a geriatric psychiatrist for an evaluation. He being a former Deputy Chief of Police, would complain about being questioned by the doctor. My Step-Mother made sure that he went every week just to talk. I don’t think my Dad knew that she-the doctor-was checking on his cognitive abilities at each visit. After a few months, the doctor contacted the DMV and had his license revoked. He was angry at first, but finally admitted to being forgetful. It took family intervention to help him understand. He finally became okay with not driving. After he lost his license, he needed a lot more help. My Step Mom and Brother had to drive him everywhere. Eventually, he couldn’t walk, his health declined, etc. and he passed last September. The year before, my Mom had to sell my Step-Father’s SUV, after he left one morning to take their dog to the Vet. He came back four hours later and said that the Vets had moved. He passed from Alzheimer’s last March. In the early stages, they both knew that they were having memory problems. It didn’t take a lot of convincing after that for them not to drive. It’s best to sell Mom’s car and get more help for her. Good luck with everything.

Just one more thought about taking away the car; thankfully, grocery stores and other stores will ship or deliver most of what someone needs to get by. But I would like to suggest that your mom could have a companion who will drive her to appointments and events (e.g., to see friends, attend senior center or church or outdoor events that are special). Visiting Angels and Care.com great resources, you have to vet those who seek the assignment and verify insurance.

You could help pay the insurance or upkeep or gas and let the companion drive Ms. Daisy around.

Old person here: some older adults (likely absent dementia) choose to stop or limit their driving voluntarily. Perhaps that could be presented as a choice/subject for discussion in some cases--even if in the end it won't be. My husband, now 93, stopped driving almost 3 years ago. He has some short-term memory issues but recognizes that operating a stick-shift SUV would be physically problematic due to a bad knee and slower reflexes. He had already stopped driving at night in his mid-80s due to loss of night vision acuity.

I'm 86 and drive locally during the day but have voluntarily stopped driving at night or in bad weather. I avoid freeway driving unless it's absolutely essential. Particularly since COVID, our area has experienced a significant increase in confrontational drivers. There have been more than a few "road rage" shooting incidents on our freeways. Scary! I can no longer always go where I'd like or do what I once did, but that's the trade-off. I'm a careful driver with no accidents (so far).

I guess my point is that it may not always be all-in or all-out when it comes to driving unless the person is clearly a danger to self or others. Older adults may be able to make a responsible decision of their own volition. (Admittedly, it will make life much more challenging if/when I can no longer drive to the grocery store, but I think/hope I will know when that time has come.)

YES - AND REPORT TO THE LOCAL POLICE DEPARTMENT.
[p.s. 'just reporting' just mean your mother won't drive. Likely she will.]

1. Someone needs to take a part out of her car so it will not start.
2. Plug up the key hole (w/glue) so key won't go in (if car requires a key).
You need to replace her car key on her 'key ring' with another key that won't work.

NO CAREGIVER should be allowing her to get in a car. If this continues fire this caregiver and get another one that will abide by your direction(s).

This is something that YOU must handle...
Take action now. This is your responsibility.

You do not want your mother to kill someone and this is a 100% possibility, along with herself.


See TEEPA SNOW's website. She has webinars / videos about elders / driving / what to do.

Is your mom insured to drive?

Does your mom has medical documentation indicating she is unable to drive and/or has dementia and not allowed to drive? If yes, provide to DMV by Fed Ex. You need to go see her tomorrow and handle this.

Of course people here have family members / parents who have been angered.
I am unclear what you are asking / what your needs are?

Are you afraid that your mother will get mad at you?

If you are making choices based on this fear, you need someone else to handle this very dangerous situation. And, get into therapy for yourself. You are not making healthy decisions for yourself, your mother, or anyone in the streets or sidewalks - someone is potentially going to get maimed or killed. It could be a child, a family in another car. Do something. You know what to do.

Gena / Touch Matters

The wrath of your mom incurred by taking away her driving privileges cannot equal the misery of losing a life because of her driving. When we took my FIL's keys and car away, he was angry. He got over it. When I took my husband's car and keys away from him, he was angry. He got over it. The mechanics of driving aren't what kills, it is the lack of cognitive awareness. Do everyone a favor, including your mom, and take her car away. Save a life. It may be hers. When you move her to AL or MC, she won't need a car. She will have everything she needs in addition to lots of company.

First of all, (((HUGS))) for you! You are going through a very difficult time. When it was time for my stepfather to stop driving I spoke with his ENT specialist, who he has a good relationship with, and asked the doctor to have a conversation with him, in which he tells him that he can no longer drive. If you can do this, I recommend it as it is much easier for the doctor to tell the person than it would be for the family. The doctor was kind, but firm, leaving no room for negotiating. He emphasized how devastating it would be if an accident resulted and he was hurt and even worse, if he hurt someone else! He said that as a medical professional he was required to report unsafe drivers to the Registry. If it can be resolved this way, then YOU ARE NOT THE "BAD GUY" and you can commiserate with your Mom. Best of luck with everything. I feel your pain.

My father-in-love drove down a busy street, smashing into the sides of parked cars and breaking off opened car doors, as he went. The police finally caught him in the act and concluded that he must be the person who had been reported as a driving menis by various people reporting hit, runs and missing car doors for months. They took his keys but he came up with another set and started his wreakless driving, yet again. They came back to take the other set along with the car. He rode a bicycle until he could no longer stay in an upright position. He started walking everywhere while carrying a large stick. We tried to get him to stay with us in a town about 30 miles away, but he became confused and agitated. All he wanted was to go back home and we took him back to an angry wife that didn't care enough to stay home and to care for his needs. One autumn day he walked away from home and got lost. His wife didn't inform us that he had gone missing for at least a week. We were leaving church one afternoon when a friend stopped us on our way to the car and told us how sorry he was about what happened to my husband's father. He found out about it by reading a local newspaper, which you showed us. We searched for him from that autumn day and through the winter. He was found in the spring. He was sitting under a tree in the marsh that I saw in a dream. He had died of exposure during the winter and wasn't discovered until the spring thaw on a day in May... Take the keys. Enjoy her and help her to feel independent for, as long as you can.

My Dad did not drive after quarantine except a couple times and he looked frazzled when he got home . I paid the tickets , registration , inspection - made sure we had everything we needed - he lost his car once - parked it on the sidewalk slightly and I think he knew he should not be driving . I kept the car keys when it was time to renew his license I chose not to bring him to the DMV . Like His Doctor said “ Do not let him drive .”

My mom was dead set against she and my dad moving into an assisted living facility at 88 and he was 92 with advancing Alzheimer’s. This was in mid 2021 and she, the social butterfly, had been cooped up in the house for over a year with just us kids visiting. I eventually was able to show her how nice the facility was with lots of nice residents and fun activities and food. She agreed to move one day before she went into the hospital with a heart attack and does a week later. None of us were equipped to take care of an Alzheimer’s patient so we did move dad into a nice smaller ALF near some of us kids. We told dad his house was being temted for termites. He thought he was in a hotel at first and would say what a nice place it was. 🥰. That was almost a year ago. His Alzheimer’s is worse but he still sometimes talks about going home. But overall he is happy, loves his private apartment and we go see him all the time.

I did not report my daddy, I just took him off the insurance. When he realized this he was pissed but he knew he could not drive without insurance. I was the worst daughter in the world to him for about six months. He would get in the car with me and I would take him where he needed to go, market, bank, doctors, but he would be soooo angry. I thought too bad, I did not want someone to get injured or killed because of him. I guess I'm just mean that way. Oh after six months I was the best daughter ever. Its not easy to do this.

I've been through exactly the same thing, and the reality caused much less fallout than I imagined. I wasted a lot of mental energy and worry. My mom is 85 and has dementia, which was accelerated when she had Covid in December.

I am in NY so can only speak to what happened here. Our DMV website lets you anonymously report an unsafe driver. You aren't anonymous to the DMV, but you are to the person you are reporting. They will get a letter from the DMV to report for a road test. When I took my mom for the "ridiculous" test, she couldn't even pass the written part, which was required for the actual road test. License suspended immediately. It took my about 9 months to be able to sell her car. I ended up getting $5k less selling it last October than CarMax offered me in May, but que sera sera. She would not allow me to sell it, "I'm going to get my license back".

As I have POA, I went to the elder care attorney in January, as after having Covid my mom could no longer be alone, ever. We had been paying for four hours of care a day, which was ok until she got sick (what a fun Christmas that was, me alone with my mom with dementia, both of us with Covid) to start the Medicaid application. After Christmas we were paying for 24/7 care at home. I had a very nice facility already picked out. The day of admission, I told her that I had to take her for a mandatory test in order to keep her insurance. Dementia = white lies go unchallenged. When she found out she was staying there, she went batshit ballistic. Her PCP at the facility immediately put her on Seroquel. My mom has been there since March and is a VIP patient based on my friendly relationship with the ED of the facility. She is getting great care, everything is clean, and she even has a private room. Even the food it good!

She still has her days when she wants to "go home", and meltdowns. The staff know how to care for her and handle her. She doesn't love it there, but that is irrelevant as I know she is getting exemplary care.

In hindsight I worried way too much. Please do what is necessary in FL to get her license taken. I hope you have POA so you can sell her car and do whatever else is necessary without being challenged. Best of luck. YOU CAN DO it!!

Judy4158,

I reported both my patents to DMV. This was in NY and each state is different. My dad was the first. He drank everyday and his vision was going so I downloaded the form filled it out and sent it. It took a few weeks but they (DMV) sent him a notice that he needed to do a driving test. He went and took the test and failed. My mom (or in your case, someone you know who lives near your mom) had to drive him to the test in case he failed. They told him he could retake the test and perhaps get his license back but he never did. A year and a half later my mom was showing signs of dementia. Short term memory loss and some frustration. After watching her for months and knowing that she was now the only driver in the house, we became worried. So my sister and I reported her. In NY they do not tell the person being tested who reported them to DMV. That was my sisters biggest worry. She did not want my parents to be angry with her. I understand that, but there are innocent people out there and old drivers can cause accidents. I was not comfortable with my mom's ability to continue driving. Anyway, I don't remember how she got to the driving test, probably a friend (my sister and I live in different states from my parents), but my mom failed the test too. So now neither of them could drive and they had no interest in hiring someone to come into their home to help them.

Long story short. My mom continued to drive, We told her over and over if you get in an accident, you will go to jail. She would not listen. So just know you can advise DMV that your parent is dangerous behind the wheel, but if they take the license away, NO ONE IS GOING TO ENFORCE IT. The police do not care, APS will not intervene. My mom never got into an accident but my sister and I worried about that happening all the time. We finally came and took the keys, but know that they can get the car towed and have new keys made. Hopefully your mom is not that determined.

Now they are in a nursing home. Do they resent us, probably. Did we try everything we could to get them help and keep them safe in their home, YES we did. In the end try to tell your mom:

Make decisions today for what you want tomorrow. Life is changing and if you do not make your choices today, in a manner that safely protects you and your community, you may not get those choices tomorrow.

For your peace of mind do what your gut tells you regardless of whether she gets mad at you. You could save someones life. You could save her life.

Good luck and I wish you the very best with your decisions.

Drivers license is only one factor. She can easily get into more trouble without it. Take her car and hide any keys she might have access to. Your car?

I reported my mom to the DMV. In California, you can do this anonymously. You just go online and print out a form that explains why you think the person is an unsafe driver and submit it. The DMV then sends Mom a letter (in our case, about 6 months later) explaining that there is concern about her driving skills and she must be evaluated by a physician. If the doctor agrees that Mom is an unsafe driver, her license will be revoked. In our case, Mom was given the opportunity to renew her license if she passed both the written and practical drivers exams. She has not been able to pass either. In the end, we had to physically remove her car because she was driving without the license anyway.

As I mentioned, all this can be done anonymously. Our mom was furious and was determined to find out who reported her. For months she obsessively asked us and her doctors if we knew who did it. Fortunately, the DMV would not tell her so I have not had to directly incur her wrath, but I do have to listen to her fume about it to this day, a year later. That said, it was all worth it to know she is not on the road anymore.

Judy, what is the plan to ensure mom's needs are met when you report her and get her license revoked?

Cuz you need a plan, you can't just get her license revoked without a way for her to get her needs met, that would be cruel.

If your mom is having cognitive issues, it is no longer safe for her to be calling the shots, living alone or driving. When a child wants to do something dangerous, you don't allow them to do it, just so they don't get mad at you. This is no different. The parent / child roles are now reversed at this stage in life.

Just tell mom you're getting older and want to spend more time with her and that is why she needs to move closer. Tell her you are struggling to manage things from 500 miles away.

As far as the driving goes, if she is still fighting you on it, you can send a letter to the BMV and tell them that your mom has dementia and shouldnt be driving. You can ask them to test her. They will send her a letter asking her to come in for a test. It will take care of itself.

My mother was in IL when she had a stroke. She was 92. After several weeks in rehab, she had a remarkable recovery, but my brother and I had already been discussing the driving issue. She had never been a very good driver, anyway. I sent a letter (or requested a form — can’t remember) to DMV stating my concerns and asked for an evaluation. They then sent her a letter saying she would need a driving evaluation due to her recent medical changes. They did not indicate who tipped them off — she thought it was the doc or rehab facility. She did not pass the evaluation and pitched a ‘two year old hissy fit’ with me when it was done. I said ‘Mom, it was not my decision. You can wallow in this or you can accept it and move on because the decision has been made.” It took some time, and she continued to bring it up occasionally, but with the evaluation, we ‘ripped the bandaid off’ and it was done.
At one point, months later, when she brought it up, I just said, “Mom. I know that was a hard blow to your independence, but I think you and I both know that you should not be driving.” She didn’t have a response and never brought it up again. She passed away at the age of 96 in AL and not in a car accident possibly injuring someone else as well as herself.
This was in NC and I know states have different guidelines, but it’s our story.

When my mother was at that stage, I put a couple of wifi cameras in her house so I could keep an eye on her. I also got one of those medical ID bracelets and inscribed my name and number on the back. Once I put it on her wrist, she couldn't remove without help. I also set up grocery delivery for her so she didn't need to get in the car. I took her keys because she kept getting lost. Having someone come in a few hours a week is good. I used adult sitter services (sitter.com). They are cheaper than a nurse's aide. As long as she can still handle her ADLs on her own. When my mother's dementia got worse, I moved her in with me. Assisted Living never really seemed like a good deal especially for the cost. Good luck to you.