Has anyone reported a parent to the DMV to prevent them from driving anymore?

YES - AND REPORT TO THE LOCAL POLICE DEPARTMENT.
[p.s. 'just reporting' just mean your mother won't drive. Likely she will.]

1. Someone needs to take a part out of her car so it will not start.
2. Plug up the key hole (w/glue) so key won't go in (if car requires a key).
You need to replace her car key on her 'key ring' with another key that won't work.

NO CAREGIVER should be allowing her to get in a car. If this continues fire this caregiver and get another one that will abide by your direction(s).

This is something that YOU must handle...
Take action now. This is your responsibility.

You do not want your mother to kill someone and this is a 100% possibility, along with herself.


See TEEPA SNOW's website. She has webinars / videos about elders / driving / what to do.

Is your mom insured to drive?

Does your mom has medical documentation indicating she is unable to drive and/or has dementia and not allowed to drive? If yes, provide to DMV by Fed Ex. You need to go see her tomorrow and handle this.

Of course people here have family members / parents who have been angered.
I am unclear what you are asking / what your needs are?

Are you afraid that your mother will get mad at you?

If you are making choices based on this fear, you need someone else to handle this very dangerous situation. And, get into therapy for yourself. You are not making healthy decisions for yourself, your mother, or anyone in the streets or sidewalks - someone is potentially going to get maimed or killed. It could be a child, a family in another car. Do something. You know what to do.

Gena / Touch Matters

Old person here: some older adults (likely absent dementia) choose to stop or limit their driving voluntarily. Perhaps that could be presented as a choice/subject for discussion in some cases--even if in the end it won't be. My husband, now 93, stopped driving almost 3 years ago. He has some short-term memory issues but recognizes that operating a stick-shift SUV would be physically problematic due to a bad knee and slower reflexes. He had already stopped driving at night in his mid-80s due to loss of night vision acuity.

I'm 86 and drive locally during the day but have voluntarily stopped driving at night or in bad weather. I avoid freeway driving unless it's absolutely essential. Particularly since COVID, our area has experienced a significant increase in confrontational drivers. There have been more than a few "road rage" shooting incidents on our freeways. Scary! I can no longer always go where I'd like or do what I once did, but that's the trade-off. I'm a careful driver with no accidents (so far).

I guess my point is that it may not always be all-in or all-out when it comes to driving unless the person is clearly a danger to self or others. Older adults may be able to make a responsible decision of their own volition. (Admittedly, it will make life much more challenging if/when I can no longer drive to the grocery store, but I think/hope I will know when that time has come.)

Just one more thought about taking away the car; thankfully, grocery stores and other stores will ship or deliver most of what someone needs to get by. But I would like to suggest that your mom could have a companion who will drive her to appointments and events (e.g., to see friends, attend senior center or church or outdoor events that are special). Visiting Angels and Care.com great resources, you have to vet those who seek the assignment and verify insurance.

You could help pay the insurance or upkeep or gas and let the companion drive Ms. Daisy around.

My Dad’s doctor sent him to a geriatric psychiatrist for an evaluation. He being a former Deputy Chief of Police, would complain about being questioned by the doctor. My Step-Mother made sure that he went every week just to talk. I don’t think my Dad knew that she-the doctor-was checking on his cognitive abilities at each visit. After a few months, the doctor contacted the DMV and had his license revoked. He was angry at first, but finally admitted to being forgetful. It took family intervention to help him understand. He finally became okay with not driving. After he lost his license, he needed a lot more help. My Step Mom and Brother had to drive him everywhere. Eventually, he couldn’t walk, his health declined, etc. and he passed last September. The year before, my Mom had to sell my Step-Father’s SUV, after he left one morning to take their dog to the Vet. He came back four hours later and said that the Vets had moved. He passed from Alzheimer’s last March. In the early stages, they both knew that they were having memory problems. It didn’t take a lot of convincing after that for them not to drive. It’s best to sell Mom’s car and get more help for her. Good luck with everything.

judy4158: Disable the car by any means possible.

Unfortunately I can sympathize. My sister and I had to take my mother to the doctor and have a very Frank conversation about her memory care and behavioral issues that seemed to make it unmanageable for her to be independent any longer which included driving. He reported her to the Department of Motor Vehicles who in turn did revoke her license, she was unwilling to relinquish her car and keys so we did have to wait until we actually placed her in and assisted living Memory Care Facility to take care of that issue completely. I will warn you she was extremely disenfranchised and very nasty to deal with for quite some time in Assisted Living after that. During covid she began to really fail to thrive and I had to move her in and become her caregiver, she still lives with me. As such she has bouts of paranoia where she talks about how we took everything from her and says that I'm poisoning her. So sometimes unfortunately you end up living the worst case scenario. What I would say to you is it probably will not be quite this bad for you although it will be somewhat uncomfortable temporarily. You can simply refer back to when you were a child and your parent probably said to you when you had negative consequences for something, this is going to hurt me much more than it's going to hurt you. Sometimes it's just a necessary part of the process that you will just need to endure. The situation is very common to people her age and I'm sure once she's in assisted living she will find that she has plenty of people to commiserate on losing their independence. I definitely wish you and your sister luck just know that it's more important to keep your mother safe than it is to keep her happy.

I asked her doctor to send a letter to DMV. But DMV never responded. Thankfully, she had to have cataract surgery and ended up not driving just long enough for her to think she had lost her driver's license permanently --- so she never asked to drive again.

About 10 years ago, my brother reported my 90+ year old step-father to the Florida Highway Safety and Motor Vehicles. They requested he come in for a written test and only a written test - which he could pass (he was not cognitively impaired, but his vision and reaction times were poor.) So he continued to drive.

Check with the Florida Highway Safety and Motor Vehicles as to what will happen and what test(s) will be required these days if you report your mom.

There's ride-share, van pool and public transit to consider as safer alternatives to driving if your loved one is still independent.

as my brother told me.. as he was a fireman, experienced old people being blamed fully for the accident ... They are old... they did it... nope,, old people get confused and apologize.... TAG IT'S THEIR FAULT.

HE has seen it multiple times... So, one day, he said to take the car keys ... period...
ok.... no ma, yo cannot drive anymore...sorry...

And the insurance to go on top of that? yikes...

and my friend was hit by a senior... mistook the gas pedal for the brake.. t-boned him... car was totaled.. Thank goodness it was on the passenger side that took the bulk of the hit....

And a years back.. a senior drove down the Santa Monica Board Walk, and ran over 5 or 6 people...he was confused.. That was before public walking spaces put up the big giant steel posts that would stop a car from proceeding ...

A friend was an insurance broker... he told a story of an old lady driving in a parking lot, ran over a person, got very confused... backed up, because she didn't know what she ran over, car went over the injured, the proceeded to put the car back into drive and drove over that person again...

Think about all the fun lawsuits you can be enjoying if mom gets into an accident.. nobody to witness this old lady did not cause the accident.. whose story is going to be believed? The young one or the old one with dementia?

Oh ya... my friend found out her mother had brain cancer, ,because the LAST CAR ACCIDENT MOM CAUSED within 3 weeks OF each other, mom had to have a CT SCAN... head injuries... her car rolled. Thats how fast she was driving... She passed away soon after.. Very progressive brain cancer...and they were still in lawsuits with the previous accidents.. The last accident she was the only one involved, thank goodness.

Just tie the string around that loose tooth and PULL IT... It's not so painful.. Just a bit irritating.. but what a relief!!

yes, role reversal.

Yes, parents have been moved reluctantly..

The wall of guilt..

The longing in the eyes, voice, and demeanor.. It was agonizing...

hence the WALL OF GUILT... and it is still up...lil by lil... Yes, quickly goes up,, and....

:(

Yes I did for my mother in law who was the main driver, 80 years old with late onset Alzheimers. We had ( still have) our entire family on Life360 , GPS. Several times mom would get lost while driving and we would have to help navigate her and dad back home or to their destination. I documented all events. Mom even had a wreck. I sent a letter to the State Medical Board stating our concerns and asked them to review her license. What I was told was that they would request a letter from her physician stating her capacity to drive and also to have her to take the exam.... if she passed it... she could keep her license.... our mom recognized she could not pass the exam and relinquished the keys.

Side note... having the Medical Board make this decision takes the blame off of you.... it did me....

I am fixing to turn in my mother to the DMV. She refuses to give up her car.

Yes, my husband and I reported our 90 year old mother to the dmv because she is stubborn. She is going blind and only has one eye to begin with. She’s also hardly able to walk so her reflex time isn’t what it needs to be for someone to be safe on the road. They revoked her license and when this happens they have to go to a trial to fight to get it back, take the written test, eye test and driving test to try and get it back. Our mom thinks she is still going to drive despite not having a license for a year. She’s going to an eye doctor who has also recommended she not drive and argues with him to change the paperwork. Her caretaker passed a note to the doctor that said her family doesn’t want her to drive. You can report her to dmv anonymously and she’ll never know. Best she not hurt someone or herself and take her keys away. She’ll be angry but she’ll be safe from herself. I had an old neighbor that ran over her own grandchild whom she didn’t see behind the car while pulling out the driveway and killed her. Better safe than sorry.

Speak to you mom’s dr & let them know she’s still driving. My mom’s dr was the one who told me If she didn’t give it up on her own he would report it