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VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Maybe don't expect your children to provide your hands-on care?
Put yourself in a facility before you aren't able. Talk to an elder law attorney and do some financial planning and learn about Medicaid. You can fill out a legal document naming a Pre-Need Guardian so that your children don't attempt to become your guardian. You can assign them as your PoA, but this doesn't obligate them to actually care for you, only manage your affairs.
No I haven't and I never would end my own life, but I also will never burden my children with my care as I get older. They already know that and we have discussed what I want done regarding any future care. Just because someone has dementia doesn't mean that their life doesn't have purpose. Case and point....years ago when I was volunteering for hospice, one of my ladies was in a nursing facility with Alzheimer's and no longer knew her family and was very childlike. But she loved to sit out front of the facility, and watch the cars come and go along with the people. And she always smiled and said hello to those passing by. One afternoon while I was sitting outside with her, a woman approached me and asked if the woman I was with was my mother. I smiled and said no, but I wished she was. To that the lady replied that her father had been in the facility for rehab after a devastating stroke for a few weeks and that every time she saw my Alzheimer's patient that she always smiled and said hello to her, and how very much just a simple smile meant to her as she was dealing with the stress of her father having a stroke. That was a true life lesson for me, and one I will never forget. That God was still using this precious woman with a broken brain to brighten the days of someone just needing a simple smile and hello. Needless to say, I was blessed beyond measure to have witnessed what a special gift my little lady was bestowing on others with her sweet smile and hello, and again will never forget it.
So now all that being said, if you don't want your son caring for you in any way like me when you get older, make sure that you have all your caregiving ducks in a row, and make things very clear with him as to how you want your care to go down. And you can start with getting your POA's in order along with your living will, will. and your POST or MOST forms filled out and shared with your son. And after you get all those thing in order make sure that you are out there living and enjoying this one life you've been given.
If you live in a state or country with MAID, make arrangements before you get dementia if that fits in with your moral views.
That being said, when I'm at my husband's memory care unit, I get so much joy out of being with the residents there. They all have late moderate to severe dementia. Each and every one of them is special, and they are all living the best lives they can even though they have a terminal disease.
Sure, I think we have all thought we'd rather die than put someone else through dementia care. Thinking about it is easy, but I've personally come to understand that I couldn't go through with something that drastic in the very real moment. I'd hate to leave my husband and sister and neices and nephews with that kind of grief. And of course, it's a risky venture with no guarantee you won't end up just badly damaged and worse off than a dementia patient.
I would rather face dying with dementia in a care facility with professionals who deal with it the best way possible.
So here's what you can do now - talk to an elder care attorney. He or she can help you take the responsibility for your physical care off your son. Do you have health insurance? Make an appointment with a psychologist, or social worker, or therapist. Tell them what you went through being a caregiver, and why the future worries you. You'll be surprised at how it can open up the possibilities for you.
1) If you (original poster or other folks reading this thread) are thinking about self-harm, please contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (if in the U.S.). 2) A family acquaintance died by suicide based on the stated reason that she wanted to avoid what happened to her parents, which were their deaths while in their 80s or 90s after long illnesses. I think at least one parent had Alzheimer's disease. To the best of my knowledge, the person did not have a diagnosis of any illness at the time of her death. (She left behind a lengthy explanation, which was part of her obituary, which she wrote herself.) 3) I'll limit my opinion to the following: Just because a person CAN do something doesn't mean a person SHOULD do something.
I wouldn’t commit suicide but I feel like I will get papers drawn up stating I don’t want any medical intervention once I hit moderate dementia. Since I’m pretty healthy, I will just hope pneumonia or a UTI takes me out if nothing else does. I’m currently going through it with my mom and it’s hell on earth. We are just waiting for something to end it and she cannot wait.
Amy Bloom has written a memoir titled In Love. As for it at your local library; I just passed in in mine yesterday. Her husband received a diagnosis of Alzheimer's and he and she travelled to Europe to use either Pegasos or Dignitas. She tells all about making the trip, handling paperwork and etc.
You must love your son very much to not want to put the burden of dementia care on him and I have the highest respect for that. Suicide is not the only option that can prevent you from becoming a care burden to your son.
Planning for old-age care while you still can will. Making sure you have a good Long Term Care (LTC) insurance policy will. Getting legal paperwork done making your son DPOA (Durable Power of Attorney) so he can act for you and make decisions for you without the complications and battles so many people are in because aging parents refused to plan for anything. Or because they just assumed their adult children would be their care team in old age. Taking care of a DPOA now means if you need to be put into assisted living, a nursing home, or memory care facility your son will be able to place you. He will be able to safeguard your money and assets as well. You can also put some assets into his name now if you want to ensure there will be inheritance for him after you're gone.
Suicide is not the only way to not become a burden on your son. Of course, it's a personal choice. I believe people should be given the same mercy and compassion a suffering animal is given when it's put out of its misery. Unless you've got a plan in place to go to Europe where medically assisted suicide is legal and a doctor can help with it, you'll have to plan differently and you can.
No. I would never do that and we have explained to our kids why it's wrong. They know their grandparents have suffered through dementia, but that suicide is far more painful to the family. My cousin took that route after a diagnosis and I don't think his family ever recovered from the trauma.
First.. there are things that you can do so that your son or other family members are not burdened with your care. Second....Yes I have thought about it. As a matter of fact I have a little lock box that has medications in it that I could take. I told my sister if I ever call her at night and ask her to let the dogs out in the morning she will know.... I suppose the down side to this is I have lost the key to the lock box. Need to get it to a locksmith so I can safely destroy the meds. I have made plans for my care. I have purchased long term care insurance. I have prepaid my funeral and picked out what I want. (I do have to go get a refund. I am having a closed casket and they put in a charge for hair and make up. I don't do my hair or put on make up now why on earth would I want it done in a closed casket?) I am living in a handicap accessible house so I do not have to leave I can have caregivers either come and go or remain here. Whatever is needed.
There are States where Medically Assisted Suicide is legal BUT the hoops you have to go through are crazy AND with dementia it is tricky. YOU personally have to chose when to take the medication, YOU personally have to take the medication. I think by the time you are ready to take it you no longer have the capacity to chose the time or to the desire to take it.
See an Elder Care Attorney make sure your "legal ducks are in a row" and begin frank and honest talks with your family and friends as to what you want when it comes to end of life care and make sure your doctor is fully aware. Make sure you chose a POA for Health that is in agreement with your wishes.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Put yourself in a facility before you aren't able. Talk to an elder law attorney and do some financial planning and learn about Medicaid. You can fill out a legal document naming a Pre-Need Guardian so that your children don't attempt to become your guardian. You can assign them as your PoA, but this doesn't obligate them to actually care for you, only manage your affairs.
Did you get diagnosed with ALZ?
How old are you?
More information would be helpful.
Just because someone has dementia doesn't mean that their life doesn't have purpose.
Case and point....years ago when I was volunteering for hospice, one of my ladies was in a nursing facility with Alzheimer's and no longer knew her family and was very childlike. But she loved to sit out front of the facility, and watch the cars come and go along with the people.
And she always smiled and said hello to those passing by. One afternoon while I was sitting outside with her, a woman approached me and asked if the woman I was with was my mother. I smiled and said no, but I wished she was. To that the lady replied that her father had been in the facility for rehab after a devastating stroke for a few weeks and that every time she saw my Alzheimer's patient that she always smiled and said hello to her, and how very much just a simple smile meant to her as she was dealing with the stress of her father having a stroke.
That was a true life lesson for me, and one I will never forget. That God was still using this precious woman with a broken brain to brighten the days of someone just needing a simple smile and hello.
Needless to say, I was blessed beyond measure to have witnessed what a special gift my little lady was bestowing on others with her sweet smile and hello, and again will never forget it.
So now all that being said, if you don't want your son caring for you in any way like me when you get older, make sure that you have all your caregiving ducks in a row, and make things very clear with him as to how you want your care to go down.
And you can start with getting your POA's in order along with your living will, will. and your POST or MOST forms filled out and shared with your son.
And after you get all those thing in order make sure that you are out there living and enjoying this one life you've been given.
That being said, when I'm at my husband's memory care unit, I get so much joy out of being with the residents there. They all have late moderate to severe dementia. Each and every one of them is special, and they are all living the best lives they can even though they have a terminal disease.
I would rather face dying with dementia in a care facility with professionals who deal with it the best way possible.
So here's what you can do now - talk to an elder care attorney. He or she can help you take the responsibility for your physical care off your son.
Do you have health insurance? Make an appointment with a psychologist, or social worker, or therapist. Tell them what you went through being a caregiver, and why the future worries you. You'll be surprised at how it can open up the possibilities for you.
I wish you joy and peace.
2) A family acquaintance died by suicide based on the stated reason that she wanted to avoid what happened to her parents, which were their deaths while in their 80s or 90s after long illnesses. I think at least one parent had Alzheimer's disease. To the best of my knowledge, the person did not have a diagnosis of any illness at the time of her death. (She left behind a lengthy explanation, which was part of her obituary, which she wrote herself.)
3) I'll limit my opinion to the following: Just because a person CAN do something doesn't mean a person SHOULD do something.
As for it at your local library; I just passed in in mine yesterday. Her husband received a diagnosis of Alzheimer's and he and she travelled to Europe to use either Pegasos or Dignitas. She tells all about making the trip, handling paperwork and etc.
Planning for old-age care while you still can will. Making sure you have a good Long Term Care (LTC) insurance policy will. Getting legal paperwork done making your son DPOA (Durable Power of Attorney) so he can act for you and make decisions for you without the complications and battles so many people are in because aging parents refused to plan for anything. Or because they just assumed their adult children would be their care team in old age. Taking care of a DPOA now means if you need to be put into assisted living, a nursing home, or memory care facility your son will be able to place you. He will be able to safeguard your money and assets as well. You can also put some assets into his name now if you want to ensure there will be inheritance for him after you're gone.
Suicide is not the only way to not become a burden on your son. Of course, it's a personal choice. I believe people should be given the same mercy and compassion a suffering animal is given when it's put out of its misery. Unless you've got a plan in place to go to Europe where medically assisted suicide is legal and a doctor can help with it, you'll have to plan differently and you can.
Second....Yes I have thought about it. As a matter of fact I have a little lock box that has medications in it that I could take. I told my sister if I ever call her at night and ask her to let the dogs out in the morning she will know.... I suppose the down side to this is I have lost the key to the lock box. Need to get it to a locksmith so I can safely destroy the meds.
I have made plans for my care.
I have purchased long term care insurance.
I have prepaid my funeral and picked out what I want. (I do have to go get a refund. I am having a closed casket and they put in a charge for hair and make up. I don't do my hair or put on make up now why on earth would I want it done in a closed casket?)
I am living in a handicap accessible house so I do not have to leave I can have caregivers either come and go or remain here. Whatever is needed.
There are States where Medically Assisted Suicide is legal BUT the hoops you have to go through are crazy AND with dementia it is tricky. YOU personally have to chose when to take the medication, YOU personally have to take the medication. I think by the time you are ready to take it you no longer have the capacity to chose the time or to the desire to take it.
See an Elder Care Attorney make sure your "legal ducks are in a row" and begin frank and honest talks with your family and friends as to what you want when it comes to end of life care and make sure your doctor is fully aware.
Make sure you chose a POA for Health that is in agreement with your wishes.