Has anyone heard of anyone losing their mind and not getting it back due to caregiving??

I suppose that it depends on your level of stress. Care to tell us more details? It’s perfectly fine to vent. We’ve all needed to vent from time to time.

Are you doing everything on your own or do have help with caregiving duties? It’s definitely a tough job, emotionally and physically.

My caregiver days are behind me. My parents are deceased. I cared for my brother too. We sacrifice a lot during this period of our lives. It’s quite frustrating at times.

How long have you been caregiving and do you have an exit plan? Have you spoken to Council on Aging in your area for a needs assessment for the person that you are caring for? I see from your profile it is your older brother. How old is he? Are you still working or did you give up your job?

I am sorry that you are struggling with this. Most of us have no clue how much of a challenge caregiving is until we start doing it.

Best wishes to you and your brother.

No..ish. But I have heard of many that took much time to recover or say they were forever changed.

There are many who sadly no longer around to tell us.

Do you need help? It's OK to speak up.

No. But I have heard of many who decide that they cannot continue to do 24/7 care due to issues of their own mental and/or physical well being.

If you are burnt out, you'll need to make some changes. Set boundaries. Hire help. Move your loved one into a facility.

Then, work on your own health, both mental and physical. Find your joy again.

What do you mean by “losing your mind”? Can you no longer concentrate, do you feel a sense of high anxiety, cry a lot, or feel over whelmed? Are you currently caring for your bro, or are you no longer caring for him and can't seem to get back to you old self? If you're still caring, finding help to come in occasionally to relieve you can help. Call you local Area Agency on Aging to get suggestions. If you're no longer caring for him, I would suggest professional counseling.

I gained over 60 pounds, lost a good paying job, saw a psychiatrist and was on medication for years, and stopped sleeping.

I don’t feel uncomfortable referring to that period of my time as “losing my mind”.

I’m by no means a typically “nice” person, but I have the triple fatal flaws of intense empathy, terrified attention to responsibility, and a driven desire to make life BEST for anyone who comes under my wing.

When my father dropped dead with no warning, 3 weeks after my first child was born, concern for my mother drew me closer to her than I’d been since I was a small child. She remained in her own little house, I lived about 15 minutes away, and she ran the show, and I let her, even encouraged her.

She had a devastating left hemi hemorrhagic stroke at 85, insisted that she was going home after 2 days in the hospital, and with her neurologist’s permission, did so. She was then 85, and resumed her semi-independent life.

Finally, at 89, a fall broke her hip, and rendered her totally dependent.

I was lost. After she partly rehabbed, I couldn’t think of any path forward but bringing her home. My house was perfect. I KNEW she’d get better. She didn’t. It was instantly obvious that her “mild cognitive loss” was full blown dementia, coupled with terrible frustration, expressed as hostility, that she couldn’t “go home”.

Her care was overwhelming. She had to be watched 24/7, and I was the watcher.

She died in 2007. I still have PTSD. Ultimately we placed her in a WONDERFUL residential care site, and her last 5 years were very healthy and happy.

NO perfect solutions, NO hard and fast rules (“Thou SHALL NOT consider residential are because Mama changed YOUR diapers 57 years ago’), NO GUILT, NO regard for the input of useless relatives.

Those aren’t ALL the rules for safe BALANCED careSHARING, but they’re a start.
REMEMBER- Care SHARING. When you are depended upon as a caregiver YOU DESERVE A LEVEL OF CARE AT LEAST AT THE LEVEL YOU OFFER TO YOUR DEPENDENT LO.

YOU ARE WORTH IT!

The mind can heal, with time and reflection. Step away and get healthy.

SEJAFoa
People can be damaged by caregiving. It’s hard. Very hard.
Sometimes we have to recognize that we need care ourselves and have to get help.

Here is a great meditation. Take a few minutes. Try this to see if it helps.

https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/compassion_meditation

Hello, I think feeling like you are losing your mind is a common phrase for burnt out caregivers. I know this feeling and phrase well. You have done plenty to care for your parent. No matter what “others” say… please step back and focus on getting your own life back. This might mean placing your mom in a care facility. The Area Council on Aging can help. Or contact a nursing home facility and speak to someone in admissions. The thing is… the level of care will become more and more. Your mom’s safety and your sanity are priorities. If others think they can do a better job of caregiving…offer them to opportunity to takeover. Above all, you have to make a change. I wish you the very best of everything.

I am 10 yrs into caregiving for my now 95 yr old mother. I’ve had to do different levels of caring for her, as she does not have dementia, but has had many physical problems and some of them have brought her close to death. I don’t feel I have lost my mind, but I definitely have lost my life as I knew it. She has terminal cancer now and when I think of what I want to do when she passes, I freeze. I don’t know anything more than caretaking. I haven’t had a vacation in 10 yrs, and I wouldn’t know what to do with myself if I took a vacation. It all seems so foreign to me.

I was certainly losing mine caring for my husband with dementia. I placed him in care 6 months ago and am slowly regaining my old self. Those moments when I recover an old feeling make me so happy. It’s so good to know my old optimistic self is still in there. Buried pretty deep, but recoverable.

That level of constant attention to another - especially one oblivious to your sacrifices on their behalf - is debilitating. I lost myself. During the height of the pandemic, I thought - if I get Covid and die, at least I won’t have to do this anymore. And that thought seemed rational to me, not a sign I was coming unglued. LOL.

When you stop the 24/7 caregiving, stop constantly living in that alternate universe of fun house mirrors, I think it’s not uncommon to have a bit of PTSD. I’m slowly learning to let go a bit. Now I manage his care, take him on outings, talk to him every day, but I stopped talking to him in the evenings when his delusions take over. I finally realized that talking him down only worked for him for 30 seconds, but upset me for the night. Letting go of the idea that I can somehow make him happy is the goal, but I’m not making as much progress on that as I would like.

I think caregiving can, indeed, make you crazy, but you can come back from it. They can’t.

It certainly feels that way!  I often times don't like the person I've morphed into over the past 15 years of accelerating caregiving.  The effects/stress/fatigue bleed over into my work life and certainly relationships with my now adult children have suffered.  I often feel a bit paranoid about being judged but then only to find out, yes, guess what-I was right.  It is a lonely place often; other people can choose how involved they want to be, when to step away etc.  Not so much for us.  I'm trying to add more balance for myself now that my husband is in assisted living.  I start each day with listing at least 3 things I'm grateful for-it is a wonderful reminder that there is still good, beauty etc.  Take care of you SEIAfoa, because no one else will.

This is a pretty good definition of burnout. Whatever a person does over and over and over.... and the recurring thoughts while doing so become ingrained in your brain - like a big rut in a trail from constant walking in the same place.

The good news is that this doesn't have to be permanent. If changes are made, unhealthy thoughts can be replaced with more positive ones. By reframing the situation -looking at it from other perspectives - most thoughts of "losing it" can be changed.

However if the situation involves difficult behavior from others, then it might become necessary to find other ways to cope. Learning to create and honor "boundaries" takes time and effort. I like the books on "boundaries" by Townsend and Cloud. These Christian counsellors offer good step by step method of dealing with problem behavior. Many times the process is easier with the help of a counsellor or counselling group.

Need more info.
Usually one doesn't lose their mind do to Caregiving but they can get what's called Burn Out and I suppose even have a nervous breakdown.
If this is the case, you just need to step back and away from Caregiving and you'll be fine.

Caregiving is hard and stressful and it can really damage your life. You look young and it is recommended that you get out of that role because you need to be working for a living -- unless you are disabled, which case it is good you are doing this to help your loved one.

The longer you stay out of the work force (assuming you are not on disability), the harder it will be to get back to it and you may end up homeless due to years of caregiving.

Not so much losing your mind, but feeling burnt out. It’s typical and normal as a long-term caregiver. Find time for yourself, doing hobbies YOU like to enjoy and reward yourself each day with it. I’ve always exercised and loved quiet times with God, so my “me” time is at 0500. This means I can’t hug my pillow longer, but I spend quiet time with God. I then do a 50-minute elliptical workout while watching my favorite comical sitcom on my iPad. After a hot shower, I’m ready to face my workday and caregiver day. I’m less stressed when my mornings are like this, but am exhausted at bedtime. Find your “me” time and get additional caregiver help to enable you to take care of you.

Maybe something you could try now while caregiving, could you enroll in a course online? I've been thinking of doing that. The ones I did in the past included interacting with other students online 2 x week, plus the reading and learning something new. Maybe since you sound maybe distraught, you could take an easy, fun course. It could be a way to "escape" now while concentrating on something outside of your brother and yourself.

You may need to work on finding alternate care for your disabled brother, or at least some home care respite relief.

For the time you are the one doing the hands on care, concentrate on doing those tasks well; don't agonize over other things you are not able to do. Arrange for time off, even if you have to pay out of pocket. Look into Adult Day Care programs for him if there are any in your area.

If your brother had his own scheduled activity part of the day, you would have time off for shopping and appointments and maybe even a part-time job.

If you are a caretaker for anyone, no matter who or the relationship, etc. and it is destroying YOU, then YOU must put a stop to it at once even if it means placing them somewhere. No one should tolerate the problems that come from these people - their lives will be gone before they know it and they don't deserve that.

I'm in year three after leaving my abusive mother who I helped for two years. I'm not much better and some days I'm worse but that's because I live in limbo. Since I wouldn't stay to be her free slave with no life of my own, she's pushed me out of her life and badmouthed me so I have no family left. I was once her POA etc but now she probably changed it to my siblings - her darlings who do nothing for her. So you need to assess if you need to leave before you're too far gone, or if you can get help. I don't know if the person being taken care of is abusive, but if they are, the longer you stay the worse - from my experience and others I've read here and other online forums.

Is there a story to this?
Is this a brother who is disabled?
There should be some programs in the county for day care.

There is frightening evidence, statistics that a fairly high % of caregivers die before the person they are caring for.
This could be for any number of reasons but it is still an eye opener.
If it is getting to be more than you can handle you need to find help.
Either bring in caregivers for a period of time daily or a few days a week.
Or if it is possible look for Day Care or if there are Senior Centers open with activities that would stimulate him and give you a break.
Or Placing him in a facility appropriate for his skill level. You do not mention details in your profile. Age, and other issues other than mobility that your brother has. If he is able somewhat to care for himself a Group Home might be an option.
Is your brother a Veteran? If so the VA can help, there are lots of programs that the VA has.
Caregiving is stressful, exhausting, and it WILL change your life.
There must be a balance.

Imho, especially since individuals are living longer, the caregivers of the elders often get ill before the elders.

You haven't provided a lot of information, but if you are providing care 24/7 with no respite and no other interface with others, it can certainly seem like you are losing your mind!

Given only that you are caring for your brother, we have to guess that you are not working a job outside the home. Unless you are receiving some kind of pay to provide for his care, this is a concern. Certainly your brother's care is important, however since he isn't that old and he's your older brother, that might leave you without a job, health insurance or a way to save for your own future, including SS.

If you are 24/7 care, is there any way to hire help, to provide some care, so that you can secure employment and also have time to yourself? Doing the same tasks over and over and over again, with no free time for yourself to do what you like or to have time to socialize with others can take a heavy toll. In addition to having an outlet, to take care of your needs, you may need some counseling as well. Without health insurance or income, this may present a problem.

Any chance we can entice any more information from you? We can suggest ways to get help, but we do need more input from you in order to point you in the right direction.

I think in general, caregiving can suck the life out of us, and only someone who has been there "gets" it. But I don't truly believe someone would "lose their mind". If that's the way you feel things are going you need to explore what options are available for you to share the burden, get some time off, or figure out a way to have others visit you to socialize even if living in the environment of the person you care for. All I can tell you is that I thought I was handling things just fine, one day at at time. But trying to be more of superwoman with everything under control, caught up with me last fall when I had a health emergency...meaning there was basically no one to play the role of caregiver for my parents while I was in the hospital recovering from an emergency surgery for a dissected aorta which I nearly died from. Do not let it get to that point. Keep your health and well-being on a front burner, check your BP. You matter too!

Hi
Yes unfortunately many have been there. I wasn’t the hands on caregiver as my dad was in a nursing facility. Many medical problems. But even the nightly visits,
falls, hospital visits and all the other tasks that involve family are one stressor on top of another. I became so exhausted I was not doing my job well at work and I had 2 car accidents during that period of time.
luckily not serious but I ended up being sued because of one .
Don’t feel alone or judged . It’s not easy .
Best to you

Yes. Sounds like burn out. The caregiver needs a break. Respite care for the one needing care is recommended. Don't know the situation, but hiring a home health aide can help too.

I became a completely different person. Some changes were good. I saw that I was capable of extraordinary focus, organization, patience, problem solving and physical stamina, all in service of my Alzheimer mother and her needs. Some changes were bad in that I became bitterly estrange from my three sisters. Everyday, I have to stop my mind from getting lost in memory from some trauma related to the caregiving. It's been three years now, and I am slowly getting better but I the person I was before is gone. I think it must be how veterans from a war feel upon returning home.

I have been asking myself the same thing. PTSD is real and depending on what a caregiver goes through they certainly can have it. I know caregiving has changed me. I am still in the middle of it but I can see how the person I was may never be back. We'll see. The sooner I can get out of this situation the better. Sad, bitter- sounding & honest, but true.