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My MIL is in the long arduous process of packing up her home and moving into a IL facility. We are unable to dedicate the time she wants to help her pack (think 10 hours to pack one box). She hired Visiting Angels to help her with these tasks, but they called after a few weeks and told her that they had to “prioritize their non-ambulatory clients” and would not continue providing services to her. We were a little shocked by this, but also understand. Anyone else had an experience like this?? She has a history of not telling the truth about things. We’re concerned that this is going to make her crumble and not move into the facility which she has managed to delay for 5 months.

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If she is well enough to be moving to an IL apartment then she probably is not really in need of the kind of services provided by a home care agency, while they may help out with packing and moving a long term client (especially someone with physical or cognitive deficits) these men and women are not general labourers.
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JudyJ65 May 2021
I agree. They originally were transporting her to doctors appointments and errands and I believe she thought that they would just transition to this.
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To clarify...are all caregiving groups going to this plan? We understand that certain groups need to have priority during COVID.
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Isthisrealyreal May 2021
I would say that they are short handed and they were having trouble getting an aide that wanted the assignment.

I think that you are dealing with two types of people when hiring from an agency. The ones that don't want to do anything and only do the bear minimum or the ones that are task oriented and they can't deal with the no progress of 1 box every 10 hours.

Just my personal experience and observation.
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Have her hire a moving service. This is not a job for a Home Care Agency.
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JudyJ65 May 2021
I 100% agree and am thinking that is the reason they fired her as a client. She won’t hire a moving service because they won’t help her sort the items and pack. She’s exceptionally stubborn and refuses to listen so we have been tasked with a Plan B.
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I would try to find a older woman that could use some extra money and has good organizational skills.

Make sure that whomever you bring in absolutely knows that she must move and they can not entertain her staying in her home.

This should be an exciting new season of her life.
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JudyJ65 May 2021
Thank you for that suggestion! I’m thinking there might be a friend in her church group that we could reach out to that she trusts. I hadn’t thought of that so we really appreciate that suggestion.

I wish I could say she’s excited and looking forward to it! She’s very change adverse but I’m confident once she moves, she will love it.
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That's not what Visiting Angels is for. They're a home care company, not a moving company. I doubt the "light housekeeping" any caregivers perform is intended to include packing up a house.
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JudyJ65 May 2021
I agree, however it was the same woman that was taking her to her doctors appointments that was helping her pack for the last two months. I don’t know how she managed to get them to help for this long to be honest. We aren’t always told the 100% truth but I think in this instance everything just came to a head. It’s a shame too, she does need transportation help while we are at work so I think she’s ruined her only help.
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Since she already knows “Church Ladies” the pastor or social service director might get together a group of her friends to help her, in exchange for a donation to the Church.

Everybody wins!
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I agree, helping her pack is not the job of Visiting Angels. And it should not take 10 hrs to pack a box. Does Mom realize she can't take it all with her. She won't need that China or silver Mom left her. How much cooking and baking will she be doing? All she needs is what she needs to live now.

When I cleaned out Moms upstairs I had 3 piles and she sat in a chair. One, throw away, another give away to Church yardsale or thrift shop, and what she wanted to keep. Then we went thru the keep pile again. This is overwhelming for Mom. She needs someone who can sort of take over and be able to say "Mom you will not need that". Oh when I think of what I may have to get rid of. I wish I had kept it simple. No collections. You don't need 20 towels when its just you. Don't need 6 sets of sheets when its just you.
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JudyJ65 May 2021
This move sounds very similar to your experience! The decision was made in February that she needed to move because the house was too much for her to upkeep and IL’s are getting divorced. Has taken the help of my SIL coming down every weekend (5 hours away) to tell her she isn’t going to need fine China. Everytime we make that suggestion (the local son and DIL that do everything on the day to day) she says “What do they know??” And no one pushes her because they don’t want her to cry.


So as of today, she is supposed to move this weekend and is threatening to cancel it for the 4th time. (Canceling moving company last minute which will probably fire her too) and waste another months rent at the new place ($3300/month). Her plan was to move a few boxes with her, put some in storage, and slowly have the VA help her move a box or two over when she needed it. I’m suprised this gig has lasted this long to be honest, but I try and stay out of it as much as I can for my sanity. All this avoidance does not get anything moving or put her in a safer position.

Moving companies are out because they won’t have the time and patience to deal with her indecisiveness and my hubby and I can only do so much because of our jobs. We are also trying to hold firm boundaries where we don’t swoop in and enable. At this juncture we are just trying to offer alternative suggestions for her to work through. Hard balance because this move needs to happen!!
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Yes, Visiting Angels was working for a friend's mother and decided they'd no longer be doing it b/c the woman 'was taking too many medications', is what she was told. Which makes no sense to me. VA said there was too much liability on their part to be dealing with all those meds and the possibility she'd take them incorrectly while OFF of their time clock. Again, utter senselessness to me, but what do I know?

There are only certain jobs these agencies are willing to take on these days.
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JoAnn29 May 2021
Maybe because CNAs by law cannot dispense drugs. They can remind a person to take them but they cannot hand it to them. Not allowed to do med planners either.
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I think you need to hire a professional company that does packing and moving. My daughter just moved into a new apartment. She hired a moving company for the move. They packed and labeled everything. She said it was costly by worth it. She lived in a 3rd floor walk up and moved to a building with elevators and parking garage.
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Judy, I just read your profile and that MIL probably has the beginnings of dementia.

In my experience, one of the first skills to go in dementia is the ability to plan, to forsee and to prioritize.

My mother would NEVER have been able to pack for her move to Assisted/ Independent Living. We fictionalized the idea that this was a temporary move so that she just needed to take 2 weeks worth of seasonal clothing.

We cleared out her house over the course of 5 years.

Someone needs to make a list for " immediate" packing and "longterm" packing.

Get her moved, take pictures of everything that is left and have it put in storage if the house needs to be sold right away.

There are also companies that specialize in re-locating elders. Have you looked into those?
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BarbBrooklyn May 2021
https://www.retirementliving.com/reviews/moves-for-seniors
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For example, this company offers concierge moving services:

https://www.retirementliving.com/reviews/moves-for-seniors
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