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My mom is 97 and of relatively sound mind. She is frail and lives with my dad who is almost 93 and has Alzheimer's. I won't go into details as some of the details have been addressed in prior questions but it is becoming necessary for them to live separately. I haven't in earnest started the conversation with the facility where they live but they are aware of the situation and feel it would be best for my mom as well. My main concern is financial. My parents have a comfortable supply of money to maintain the status quo for a few more years because my dad's care bill is as the main resident and my mom's bill is considerably less as the second resident. Has anyone else had to deal with this financial decision? I am their POA.

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My parents went into a memory care room together; Mom has AD, Dad is frail, but fairly capable. They were able to stay together for about a year, when Mom began physically pushing him and him getting hurt.

While together, Dad was given the code to the door and had extra privileges and options: join Assisted Living for trips, use the code to go get ice cream & popcorn at will, join AL residents in the clubhouse, for more programs, etc. (AL at this facility is just on the other side of the door.)

The split was hard on Dad because he "has to take care of" Mom. He finally had to be given time limits for when he can visit her...still difficult, though.

We are just watching finances closely! And so is the facility. They only have "x" Medicaid beds, but have said (and shown us) that they will do all they can to hold onto those for parents when the time comes!

Find a director you like and feel you can trust! God bless you! It's quite a journey.
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MAFlatt Nov 2018
Oh my your situation sounds like so much like mine only with the parents flipped. My dad hasn’t become violent but has exhibited almost bipolar behavior. Next year we should have spent down their assets to allow my dad to reapply for aid and attendance through the VA. And yes my mom feels that she has to take care of my dad inspite of the excellent care at their facility. Blessings to you as you journey through this.
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We are waiting for a memory care apartment for my dad to open up. Presently they are in Assisted living together. But we are making the move we will be out of their money in approx 2 years living together but if we separate my dad to memory care he can go on MA and we will continue to private pay for my mom. It’s a bummer but necessary. Good luck
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MAFlatt Nov 2018
I understand Robbie2018. I have carefully gaged their finances based on them sharing an apartment but if we need to have one in memory care and one in assisted living I just don’t know how that works.
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Unlike Robbie, it sounds as though money isn’t a major problem for you. If mother is 97 and frail, her need for the remaining time may be covered by the funds available. It’s expensive, but what is the actual problem?
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MAFlatt Nov 2018
The problem is a sound minded individual being in memory care with someone that can not communicate and has a hard time settling at night. Because of that her sleep is interrupted plus the fact that she can’t quite let go of being the caregiver. And to say that money isn’t a major issue is a bit presumptuous. I have carefully projected their expenses based on them sharing an apartment. If they have to live separately it could possibly take a very large cut out of their remaining funds. I just don’t know how that works and have not had a chance to sit down with the facility to discuss.
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My parents are both in memory care and sharing a room which greatly cuts down on expenses.. although it is still very expensive. Both have dementia and the memory care only allows residents who have a dementia diagnosis. They are still very close and sit and hold hands all day... I dread the day I ever have to separate them.. both for financial reasons and because it would make a hard situation even harder.

I feel for you..it is not a good dilemma to be in. Does the assisted living or memory care allow roommates? Maybe your parents can live separately with roommates to cut down on expenses?
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