My husband had a brain tumor which left him in wheelchair, unable to swallow or eat (has feeding tube in stomach) . I work so I have aides for a few hours/day, visiting nurses and PT have hired personal trainer. I'm not usually a confrontational person, but boy, I am now! A physical therapist called me and said when she arrived, my husband was on toilet by himself. He said he had fallen off but got back up, poop all over. I said I'd be there in 10-15 minutes. When I arrived home, PT was on my ljv ing room couch. I said " how is he? Why aren't you in there with hjm? " She said "I don't clean up poop!" I asked him if he was ok, checked him for injuries, c!earned him up. After 20 minutes she came in and asked if he was ok. I told her she could leave. She asked if it was ok to come back tomorrow I told her I obviously did not have my have schedule book with me at the moment!
Then a personal trainer I hired, young, energetic, bubbly. She was great at first then started having problems with boundaries in MY opinion. I caught her giving him drops of something in his mouth. I yelled at her, telling her she could not give him anything! Then rubbing his shoulders when other people visiting. Then start massaging his feet and legs for an hour instead of working him out. Then wanting to take him in rafting and skiing trips. My husband and I fought about her a lot. He said he agreed with me about feeling uncomfortable with her, but he refused to let her go. So finally I told her she was no longer needed. In the meantime I hired a man who does not " baby" him and is motivational and a good role model. Has anyone else had issues with helpers before? Any suggestions as how to handle situations without blowing up at them, as I did?