Has anyone had feelings of guilt about giving away LO's clothing, furniture, jewelry and cherished items? I find it hard to clean out apt.

MissGypsy, when I had to clean out my parent's house, it wasn't easy. I wanted to bring home so much stuff. Then someone here on the forum had a great idea, swap out things from your own house and replace it with the love one's items.

I now have some of the lamps that were my parents, and I donated my own that had no real value to me. I did that with other items, and it worked great.

Yes, there will be times when I wished I would have swapped out more. I loved my parent's dining room set, but I had my sig-other's set from his previous home and I just couldn't bear to ask him if I could swap it out.

Oh I had some guilt, but then I had to think that someone else has fallen in love with that item they found at the Goodwill store :)

If you are finding it hard perhaps it would be easier to hire someone to help.

My Dad is a hoarder. Although there are some treasures from my grandparents, the rest is overwhelming and at times I would love to pile it all up and strike a match.

But remember just because something was precious to someone else, does not mean it is of value to you. Just as we pass along our children's clothes and toys as they outgrow them, so do we pass along the things our loved ones leave behind.

But why guilt? Guilt is for those who have done something wrong. If Mum has moved into care, she no longer needs those things. If she has passed, your memories are in your heart and mind, not things.

Think too about how these things can help the next person. Perhaps a young man will buy a second hand ring and propose to his sweetheart? Her clothes will be appreciated at a local charity shop or shelter. Her furniture can help a family who has lost their home.

P.S. After dad passed, I was having a hard time donating his clothing and had large bags of it in my lower level for months. My stepdaughter took a bunch of his shirts, unbeknownst to me, and had a friend of hers make 3 stuffed animals from them! There is a dog, a bear and an elephant all made out of different parts of dad's shirts now! Once I was given the animals, it was easy for me to donate his clothing to ARC! 😙

Your profile says that you're caring for your mother. Is she still alive or has she passed? I might would feel more guilty if the person was still alive, but once they're dead, then no. No need for guilt. Time to clean out and get things organized. I'm hoping that you're giving away her jewelry and cherished items to family members that will appreciate them, and not just giving those items to Goodwill. Goodwill can have the rest of what family doesn't want. And if you're having a hard time, just take your time doing it, and have other family members help you, so you won't feel so overwhelmed.

When my husband died, I went through his closet and drawers, and thankfully was able to give the majority of his clothes to my son-in-law, and 2 grandsons. Even my daughter took a few pieces of his clothing along with my son. It makes my heart happy now, when I see them with one of my husbands items on. As far as his jewelry, I don't think I will ever be able to part with that(not while I'm alive anyway)as I enjoy wearing some of it myself, and it's too expensive to just give away.

And please like others have suggested, make sure that you are keeping for yourself some of the "cherished" items, so you have something to look at to remind you of your LO.

Why would you give away your loved one's jewelry & cherished items? I can see donating furniture to a worthy cause, but jewelry & cherished items can easily be boxed up and saved so you can pass them down to other family members. Save the 'guilt' for something you've done wrong! This is something that's necessary, and nothing that warrants guilt.

It's always difficult to clean out a loved one's apartment; I had to do it for my parents when they went into Assisted Living. I couldn't even conduct an estate sale b/c the building wouldn't allow it, so I had to call the Salvation Army to come and pick everything up! I did save the clothing, jewelry and cherished items though, and have most of it at my house; the clothing my mother has and some of the costume jewelry. I have the good stuff in my safe.

Wishing you the best of luck sifting through the mementos and keeping what you can.

Both of my parents clothing was given to a ministry for drug and alcohol treatment for adults. I was told people often arrive there having lost everything and have only the clothes they’re wearing. It was nice to know the clothing would be used and appreciated. I gave most household items to a charity shop that helps homeless people. I kept a few items precious to me from both parents, but overall I found that it’s my parents I miss, and surrounding myself with their stuff doesn’t help make it better. For me it was easier to plow through it quickly, doing a little at a time only prolonged the sadness of the job. Please don’t feel guilty, the items were loved once and can be again.

We let family members take what they wanted of mom's things first. Mom always said no one would want her stuff but I know she would have been surprised at what each child and grandchild wanted. It made it easier to get rid of everything that wasn't a special memory to someone in the family. My son took a electric percolator and uses it every day to make his coffee. :) My siblings and I knew we couldn't keep everything even if we wanted to. The hardest thing was selling the house since my sister and I live very close. We sold to a delightful young couple who were happy to get acreage with a barn for their horses. Mom is surely looking down from heaven and loving that someone is definitely enjoying the place. I value the time I spent with her during her last few years way more than her "stuff". I miss my mom every day but thank God for the time I had her (85 years) I hope my son feels the same way about me. Don't rush if you don't have to. God bless you.

Just this weekend I was told by my elderly uncle that we are `only a keeper of things to enjoy and look at, until it gets passed into someone else`s life who gets to keep, enjoy and look at the item, and one day that item will once again enter yet another persons life, and so the cycle continues ...... `

My dad moved to memory care in October. I am now in the process of cleaning out his house. It is bitter sweet.
I see all my mother’s and father’s treasures. Some make me laugh. Others bring sadness. Overall I see two lives that although not perfect did the best they could. Lives well lived.
As far as belongings. Family got what they wanted first.
I am giving what they do not want away. I call it a blessing.
Some I put out on the driveway with a free sign.
With the pandemic I felt if it will give just a little joy to someone’s life during this time that it’s a good thing. Lots of smiles as people got what they wanted. Some things I took to a charity resale shop. My belief is let someone else love and use it. The item gets new home. It brings someone joy. And at the same time honors my parents. God’s bless to you.

No, I am of an age for many years now that I myself am letting go of "stuff".You can't take anything with you where we are all going. When my bro died he had given away all his prized collections or sold them, saving a few wonderful pieces and told me who they should be given to, a man he worked with in a collective. I kept his small carved spaniel dog he had since we were young kids. "Stuff" is beautiful, prized books and etc., and a joy to have in your life. But like I said, we don't take it with us.
My daughter, however, is the opposite and cannot let go of everything. So we all vary in this. I agree very much that it is a joy to leave things for others to love and enjoy.
All of our lives my brother and I had collections of things. We would buy and sell often in a collective. Had fun with it. But in the end it is all stuff.
If you have access to Netflix consider watching a few episodes of Marie Kondo. She is a joy at teaching you about items, what they mean, how to let them go with thanking them for the memories they represent to you. I can still see my Mom leaning over me to tell me goodnight on her date night with my Dad. I can smell the tabu perfume and see her jet or amber beads twinkling at her throat. I don't need the beads (tho my daughter feels she DOES, ha ha) to see my Mom. She remains with me so long as I live.
Don't worry about guilt. You aren't a felon, I assure you. It is the other G word you are dealing with now, grief. I wish you healing and joy in memories.