We just had a family care meeting at the AL for my LO where they explained why my LO needs to move to a higher care level because of cognitive decline. The phone conference started was with myself, the ED, and Patient care coordinator. The ED was friendly and smooth and sympathetic and expressed concern and talked about how tough things had been because of Covid. She acted like you would expect someone in her position to act.

Then the patient care coordinator comes on is frankly somewhat rude and unsympathetic. She said my LO behaviors have become worse and has been verbally lashing out at staff and is requiring more care to redirect and assist. I tried to explain that his hearing is very bad and he often does not hear what the staff is telling him and this causes confusion on his part. I also explained that he was used to having frequent visits from family and that the isolation from Covid lockdowns have been very hard on his mental health. I asked that they wait until the lockdowns are over to reevaluate him. She didn't seem to care. She just listed all the times he used profanities with the staff. I complained that they never called and told us behaviors were getting worse. She claimed they did and we didn't answer. This is not true, because we have been home almost continuously since March. It was just a ridiculous back and forth argument that went nowhere with this woman raising her voice. I just could not believe that this is a service we are paying almost $100K a year for and we were being treated in this manner. It seemed so unprofessional. She just had a very uncouth manner to her, lacking in refinement. I wonder if people who work in that position have to develop tough, no nonsense personalities because they probably hear complaints all day from families. Is this unusual?

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I have actually experienced the opposite. My husband and I have had the Administrators calling our home "angry" about his brother's behaviors.

I'm thinking maybe they are in the wrong line of work if they are going to get angry at someone who can not help themself.
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How annoying! I guess if dad needs more care and is being difficult, maybe it is time for him to move. The PCC doesn't have to be such a jerk about it though. I would call the ED and complain, FWIW, Or even better, put it in writing and CC: whoever would be appropriate. Be professional but factual. Write it, calm down, and reread and maybe tone if down a notch, if needed.

These are hard times, no doubt.
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They might have different personalities, but the one thing you can know is that one of them is dealing with it hands on, as is her staff. Yes, all you say is/can be true. That doesn't change the level of staffing that is needed to do the care. And yes, it is the care levels that get so costly, finally the memory care which in my state can go to almost 20,000 a month. Starts at 10,000 and goes up. That because of need of staff, staff to manage things, and needs for medications and so on.
Covid has made all this worse. When you cannot visit together and person to person it is awful. And many seniors are deteriorating, with a staff that is under great stress, due to covid.
The facts, however, are the facts. ALF are businesses. As with any other business they would love to cherry-pick their customers. That is the sad truth. Your Dad is not so easy a resident as many others, he requires much more, and if you do find another place you think is better, this ALF can likely fill Dad's room with a more easy resident quite quickly. That is the HARD and SAD truth. Any adversarial relationships that form with family makes this more a certainty. As my bro would assure me as an ALF resident "It's very corporate".
I am so sorry for all of this. It becomes impossibly complicated. But the facts are the facts and argument is very unlikely to change the costs. It is no time to be seeking other care, but something to think about for the future. So sorry you are all going through this.
Helpful Answer (6)

Frankly the ED is a salesman whose bonus pay often depends on sales and occupancy counts and may promise anything to keep customers happy, the care coordinator is not only fielding complaints from families but also from front line staff plus they in all probability also spend more time on the floor where they are apt to have witnessed any difficulties.
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EllensOnly Aug 2020
These were my thoughts exactly.
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