Follow
Share

Hello,


This is my first time writing, although I've been a reader for over a year.


I am the eldest of 3 siblings. My youngest sister and myself were named my mother's POA and Personal Representatives or Executor's of her Will. My middle sibling, while mentioned and a beneficiary in the Will was left out of the decision making process due to lifelong strained relationships, primarily with mom but with the entire family in general. To be fair, once mom's Alzheimer's became more apparent, middle sibling has made overtures and phone calls to mom, sent gifts on birthday's, Christmas, etc. in an effort to make amends. Also has made calls to us, to check on mom's health and welfare. However, there have been so many issues over the last 45 years that trust was destroyed long ago and - to be honest - everything that's done is viewed with a certain amount of suspicion because of it. That sibling requested a copy of mom's POA several weeks back .....for their records. Since we've had to send copies of that around to various places the last several years in order to take care of mom's business, and because I didn't want to seem like I was being uncooperative, I sent a copy. Now, they are requesting a copy of the Will.


I've never heard of requesting a copy of the will before the person in question dies and I can't find any reference to that being done anywhere online. I know once mom passes and it goes to probate, all interested parties should get a copy. If things were different, I probably would have no issue with this - but because of the past - I'm very skeptical that this is just for their records. Did I mention that this sibling supposedly works for an Eldercare Law Firm? We ( my youngest sister and I) have every intention of following mom's will just the way it's written - middle sibling has seen the will and knows what's in it and has been appraised of all things being done through mom's POA. Their thoughts and input have been taken into consideration on most all issues with of course the final decision being up to my youngest sister and myself. I hate to sound like a conspiracy theorist but I can't help but feel we're looking at potential trouble with this request. I'm not sure if they could actually break the POA and Will by obtaining a copy of both, since they were drawn up by a lawyer - but I think they could create significant road bumps that would cost time, money and general inconvenience. There are many other elements to this story that make me suspect of the reason behind this request - and if more info is needed - I'll be happy to fill in the blanks - However, I wanted to be as concise as possible while still getting the point across. Should I just send a copy of the Will or would I be better to contact a lawyer at this point?


Thanks.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
I have a friend, who did her living trust/Will. So nobody would be able to contest it, she mailed a copy of her Will to everyone she put in the Will so there will be no questions or mistakes. She is the only person I know who has ever done this, but it leaves no question unanswered, I suppose.
And if they have questions or concerns, they can ask her directly as she is still alive and kicking, and healthy as a button.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Lawyer up.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Two primary things to say about this issue:
1) Provide a copy of the will = NO.
2) Ensure you have documentation about mom's condition - this is one way others try to contest wills OR change them. I would ensure you have clear dated documentation that states she is NOT competent. Otherwise, if this sibling attempts to contest the will, or tries to get someone to change/write a new one, it will be rejected by the court.
Also, as POA you legally should not share ANY of mom's private information other than what is needed to process paperwork, medical care or finances, and then only to those who MUST have it. You are your mom in her stead only.

"I know once mom passes and it goes to probate, all interested parties should get a copy."
Actually, once it is filed after probate, anyone can request a copy.

"I've never heard of requesting a copy of the will before the person in question dies and I can't find any reference to that being done anywhere online."

About the only reason anyone would want a copy prior to the person's death is to plan to contest it or change it.

Although this doesn't appear to be a "legal" website, and none of the people listed are attorneys, they are end of life advocates and what is written makes sense.
https://www.joincake.com/blog/who-can-see-a-will-before-death/

"Who’s Allowed to Read a Will Before a Death?
Before the testator (the person who created the will) dies and an executor (who the testator named in the will to handle the estate after death) files the will in probate court, the will is considered the testator’s private property, just like any other piece of property that the testator may not want anyone else to see."
...
"The only people allowed to read someone’s will before they die are the people who the testator allows to read it."
...
"However, if a testator is still alive and doesn't want anyone to read the will, then there is no one who is otherwise entitled to read it."

It IS a legal document and IS no one else's business. It only becomes "public" after the person dies and it enters probate. The only reasons I could possibly see this sibling requesting it is to contest or change it. NO. Lock it up in a safe place, and she gets a copy after probate (before any distribution of remaining funds, any/all financial obligations have to be met first, including burial costs.) Keep meticulous records on how her assets are spent, including payments to the sister providing her care. For comparison, get the rates/costs from local LTC facilities. Between what is being saved by providing her care in home and showing sister is likely earning less (esp with respect to SS for her later life!) than if she continued working, this sibling shouldn't have a leg to stand on!

Another site discusses some of the points, mainly confirming that a will is no one's business unless the person who wrote it grants access:
https://legalbeagle.com/12718364-getting-a-copy-of-a-last-will-and-testament-in-tennessee.html

I will say this - my mother's cousin named her sister as executor. She was having great difficulty due to age, medical issues and distance dealing with the attorney who had written the will and was "handling" it with/for her. She was trying to enlist help from my mother and me with contacting this atty, but this attorney was difficult to reach, ever! A year and one day later, the sister died. I actually managed to contact the attorney, who "innocently" asked how she was, he wasn't able to reach her. I told him she was dead. When I asked what happens now, he couched his words - "It all falls to the alternative executor." So I had to ask (drag it out of him!) who that would be and his reply was "You." So, I was named as alternate, but never knew about it. When I was at her home shortly after the first one passed, helping to clean out the trash, this atty was there and took me aside to tell me she left her diamond to me. Surprised was all I could say. However, not a peep about being alternate!
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

It was my understanding that no one but the person who made the Will can give out copies, which gets you off the hook.I would check with the attorney, but I'm not sure you are allowed.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

My youngest sister convinced my mother to change her will, to leave the house to her - instead of leaving it to the 3 us equally. Then she challenged the will. As a result, probate is going on year 3!

Do not turn your back on your sister for one minute. Do not give her any ammunition for a fight.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Contact your lawyer. It is my understanding that you are under no obligation to give your sibling a copy of your mom's will prior to her death. Technically, the will is supposed to be confidential until after the person's death. Does the sibling in question know you have a copy? If so, that's unfortunate; however, that's not the point. Fortunately, things ended up where her will did not need to be probated because everything was either Transfer on Death (TOD) or Paid on Death (POD) so there was nothing to probate. I never sent a copy of her will to the sibling with whom Mom had had a very rocky relationship & to whom she basically left nothing. I offered her some items she had previously mentioned she would like; however, she had to pay for the shipping. I hope you don't send a copy to your sibling. Besides, are you certain you are required to provide a copy to all family members upon the death of your mother? I'm aware there may be a "reading of the will" & it may need to be filed at the courthouse; but, what your obligations beyond that may be -except for an accounting of where the money went, etc. I'm not certain. I will never send a copy of the will to the sibling in question because it will only hurt her because Mom had some rather pointed things put in it that had to do with her. Very sad but then I never had a good relationship with this sibling & although my other sibling did, for whatever reason out-of-the-blue the one sibling started to treat my other sibling like she always treated me. BAD MISTAKE . . . At any rate, I wish you luck.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
JoAnn29 May 2020
In my state, when you Probate you have to inform the beneficiaries and any interested parties that the Will is in probate and is now public record. The original Will is filed and the Executor is given a copy. You can either include the copy of the will in with the form u send to the beneficiary or say available upon request. I had to inform Probate when this was done.
(1)
Report
See 2 more replies
This is interesting and doesn’t sound as complicated as many of the people replying have been through. My understanding from what I’ve read is that the middle sibling has read the will and so is aware of what is in it. They are also kept apprised of the ongoing situation and involved in decision making although not in the final decision.

I cannot see any reason why they would need a copy of the will unless they were concerned that there might be unacceptable changes made. No one is entitled to even see the will until after death much less have a copy. I did not think even the executor was entitled unless it was necessary. Seeing it is a moot point in this instance. I think a frank discussion about why they feel they need a copy and keep the original in a safety deposit box.

As Davenport said the situation is not always clear and it does sound as if middle sib is trying to mend some fences before it is too late. But you are the one in the middle of the situation and will need to trust your instincts. Personally I would not give a copy of the will as there is no need for them to have it. If you decide to, then I would make sure that all siblings have a copy...
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

You are the POA and your sister hasn't been assigned any duties regarding your mothers business at this time. I would not consent to her requesting papers that she is not privy to obtain at this time. At some point that could get you in trouble from what I understand as a POA.
Helpful Answer (6)
Report
POA is there to facilitate necessary financial transactions and signing of paperwork in accordance with what the person would have done and should NOT reveal ANYTHING to anyone else unless it applies to the transactions being handled OR the person gives their express permission (*this becomes questionable if the person has dementia*)

A person can assign anyone, including an attorney, to be their POA. Should these POAs be waving all your personal information around, like wet laundry? Nope. Doesn't matter if it is family - unless the person wants their information shared with another person, NOPE!
(2)
Report
Imho, this request from the individual is suspect from the get go.
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

Let me give you my two cents on this...

I (just like other people on this blog) are in the same boat as you. NO, you do NOT have to provide anything to your sibling. When I ran into this with my estranged brother, my mom’s attorney said “absolutely not”, you are not legally obligated to provide anything dealing with your mothers affairs to anyone since you are DPOA and ETA. There has always been issues with my brother (and I use that term loosely) as he never has been around really my whole life. He is 12 years older then me and is disabled due to not controlling his diabetes years back. My other 2 siblings have passed away so it is just me and my wife to take care of her. I have always been there for her and my dad (he passed away 9 years ago) and will continue till the day she dies.

About 2 years ago my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer so it was up to me and my wife to take care of her. Sure, I could have just put her in a nursing home but she is not ready for that. Her cancer spread to her femur and caused a hairline fracture. She had to have surgery to put in a rod so her femur would not break all together. Right after the surgery, I called him and told him the surgery went well and she will be out in a couple of days. He ask if she was going to move in with us, I replied Yes. He then ask what are you going to do with all of her stuff???. REALLY!!! I just hung up the phone. I don’t have time for that crap!!!

We take her to all of her appointments (twice a month sometimes 4) we make sure she eats 3 meals a day (including Wendy’s frosty once and awhile..hehe) and control all her meds. I have never ask her for anything money wise, we’ll, because I work for a living and don’t need her money. I keep her money safe because if I have to put her in a nursing home the I will need that to pay for it. We just want to make sure she is happy in her years...btw, she is 86.

He started calling my mother not regular but at least he calls since he would call about once a year In the past to ask for something. Now that he has learned that we sold her house, boy, he perked up then!!! Started asking her questions about who is taking care of your finances? My mom told him I was. He then preceded to tell her that I was stealing from her and that she would not have a dime in 2 years. I just laughed it off and so did she as she is reading her monthly bank statements.

Money will bring out the worst in siblings, specially the ones that burn there bridges in the past and now are trying to rebuild them again. In my book it does not work that way!!!

STICK TO YOUR GUNS!!!! You are doing everything right for your mom and good for you and your other sister...

good luck!!!
Helpful Answer (6)
Report
Psyclinz May 2020
Sounds like my brother and your brother are twins! Situation you have described is the same as mine. The lies and manipulations are so fantastic I am contemplating writing a screenplay for Netflix - problem is no one would believe it!

Yep - stick to your guns. Save yourself the complications. Your only responsibility is to your mother, and it sounds like you and your sister are doing a great job. Take care.
(1)
Report
See 1 more reply
Might the middle sister be afraid you & the younger sister will try to pull a fast one on her so she doesn't get what's been bequeathed to her? She may not understand the rules & legal responsibilities of an executor, etc.

After my dad died my mother refused to let anyone see his will. I found & copied it while she was in the shower. To my shock I was named as executrix! My mother was convinced that I would handle things wrong & she'd be destitute. I took it to a lawyer (on my own dime) to find out what to do. I filed a form to decline.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Hi, allyn! Well, I'm 'the middle black sheep daughter', so I hope you'll consider my situation, just for thought or comparison, and really try to see things from your sister's perspective, and with compassion. Up until about 7 years ago, I struggled with alcohol (been sober w/support group 5 years now. The final 5 years, I'd moved in (TEMPORARILY) with mom, the house where I grew up, because, completely unrelated to the drinking, my 30-year relationship had impIoded, and I was forcibly 'retired' at 59 1/2 from the job I'd had for 30 years, and couldn't get another job, due to technological changes in my field (which I was given NO time to adapt to) then, ageism as I desperately looked for work for 2 years before giving up and begin taking Social Security

Although I moved in w/mom because I was emotionally and financially knocked on my ass, mom was 82 at that time, and was beginning to mentally decline (unbeknownst to either sister). Very soon, it was apparent to me that mom shouldn't be alone in that big house with a second floor, so I stayed on. Over 5 years, mom declined very quickly, that I became her full-time caregiver (two broken bones, 2 strokes, multiple falls with concerns about concussion, and the attendant ambulance and E.R. runs; flooding the downstairs of the house (left the bathroom sink running with the stopper on). I was completely competent and on top of everything as a caretaker and financial and household manager. (New roof, new electrical, neglected pool, etc., etc.)

So, while sisters were completely absent physically and unaware, they each refused to communicate with me, either by e-mail, text, and needless to say, phone, because of their belief that I was irresponsible and unpredictable (and further proof, having 2 relationships in 40 years that both eventually and sadly ended). During this awful period, found out that older sister (lives 200+ miles away, never visits or calls) came once to 'visit', and took mom to an attorney to replace me as POA, which mom had done independently, and given the circumstances, with herself (lives 200+ miles away). I learned this accidentally when going through mom's docs for some caretaking or legal purpose. I'd been seeing a therapist weekly the whole time, who knew I was committed to sobriety, and was also aware that sisters were plain mean and unfair, and very likely to also mess with the estate stuff, based on their past behaviour. (Thankfully, I have a regular, detailed journal as recorded by my therapist of my 5 years time there, thank god.) Anyway, the whole experience was a nightmare for this 'middle child', who conducted herself competently and soberly, and exercised sound judgment with mom in many very difficult emotional, mental and physical circumstances they were never remotely aware of, as they were simply not interested.

I did ask older sister when I discovered what she'd done on the sneak, under my nose, with the POA. She was sheepish and embarrassed, but not apologetic. I finally gave them both 30 days notice that I was moving out and far away, forcing them to come up with their own plan. Now mom's got 2 caretakers, my young adult and single niece moved in (she works full-time and is saving for a house), weekly housekeepers, and the two sisters are supporting each other emotionally with regular communication. I didn't have any of that, and the only report I've received in 18 months is how smoothly everything is going now. Well yeah, if I'd had any portion of that support, things would've been smoother during my tenure there.

So, that's my long sordid story of my experience being the 'middle/black sheep' sister. They never can or will 'forgive' me for being alcohol dependent for those few years; they have no interest to understand how addiction works, and refuse to acknowledge that 'the gene' is very much in both sides of our immediate family, and they lucked out while I drew the short straw.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
Sucky as your sisters were to you, I don't think this is about being the "middle" child, it just happens that you are and this sibling in question is.

Also, these sisters are not trying to cheat the other out of anything. Clearly the will leaves something to that other sibling and her children. It sounds more like THAT middle sibling is trying to maneuver getting more for herself.

BTW, I am the "middle" child as well. Two clueless brothers, one a year older, the other 10 years younger. I was the one to identify mom's issue (dementia), researched it (but was called a know-it-all if I tried to share information), got proactive about assets, etc (update documents and set up a trust), found MC places local to me to check out (OB is not local, YB still working and isn't always "there" when you need him, so I knew it would be ME managing everything, coordinated the repairs/cleanup of her condo and was point of contact for the realtor.) I continue to be the one who manages her income and trust, visits her, procures and delivers supplies, etc, basically everything other than hands-on care. IF there is anything left after she passes, we get equal share. Fair? Meh. What mom wanted? Yup.

So, hoping your mom is really getting the care she deserves. It is a shame that you decided to up sticks and leave, because they were jerks.
(2)
Report
See 1 more reply
Trust your instincts. I would not share a document before the person's death. In my opinion, doing so would just open Pandora's box. I would be concerned that sibling with document information may attempt to have your mother execute another one despite her dementia. My uncle executed a new will right before my grandmother's death. He not only changed the beneficiaries eliminating my father and replacing him with his son(her grandson). He also forged her signature. What he didn't know was that my parents had a copy of the original will. I hate to be suspicious too, but not everyone is pure of heart. Red flag alert on sibling working for an attorney !!!. You give her a copy and dollars to doughnuts, something bad will happen. Stand firm!!
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

This is a very suspicious request.
25 years of working with families and this is a new one. I am unsure the nature of the individual making this request but that is not something that anyone needs to divulge.
I would be very careful with this individual having access to anything that is personal.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

NEVER EVER SHARE A WILL UNTIL AFTER THE DEATH OF THE BENEFACTOR. My brother did exactly that through my parents’ attorney and the Florida attorney actually sent every document to him!!! At that time the Florida attorney told me directly face to face in a meeting that even if my brother were to get a new power of attorney appointing himself POA that it would not be legal!!! (Talk about malpractice!). Long, long story short my brother actually had the nerve to rewrite every document through Ohio attorneys. Then the Ohio attorneys sent them to Florida to be rewritten according to Florida law. (The Florida attorney actually did all of this ALTHOUGH HE HAD WRITTEN A LETTER FOR MY MOTHER’S DOCTOR TO SIGN STATING THAT SHE “NO LONGER WAS CAPABLE OF HANDLING HER PERSONAL AND FINANCIAL MATTERS” EIGHT (8) MONTHS EARLIER.). So, unbeknownst to myself & my twin sister who were appointed by our parents to represent them as POA, Trustees, etc. since 1989 & 1997 my brother through the Ohio attorneys rewrote my parent’s Will and in August of 2018 the Ohio attorneys filed the new Will in the state of Florida. The Florida attorney told me he was shocked and didn’t know about it. Believe it or not the state of Florida accepted it! My sister and I had to hire an attorney to dispute it all and it has cost us over $250,000 and everything is still not resolved. (My mother died June 25, 2018.).

1. Why my three (3) younger siblings did what they did - strictly for money. It was 100% dishonest & illegal, but lawyers will do anything for money. Most of them are just as evil.
2. The irony - my three younger siblings stole from their own children what my parents wanted their children and future grandchildren to receive.
3. My three (3) younger siblings were also basically estranged from their parents for decades (In a manner of speaking) but low and behold Mother got sick with cancer and dementia and in swooped the evil mongers.
(May God have mercy on their souls because they’re gonna need it!)
4. Lastly, NEVER, NEVER SHARE CONFIDENTIAL INFORMATION WITH ANYONE ABOUT A WILL. It’s all about the money and it definitely doesn’t matter how much there is to get.

Best to you!
Helpful Answer (5)
Report
momsdtrFL May 2020
My brother legally disowned my mother because he wanted to take control of her assets when she was 70 and mentally sharp/competent. Mom left him out of the will. When she passed his wife stormed into the house and grabbed the will from me. I was the executor. Fortunately there was a second original will. In the state of NY she hoped to go intestate (no will) so the estate would be divided between me and my brother with his wife as personal representative. Yes it’s all about the money and gross lack of integrity. My advice is keep the will in a safe deposit box . Unfortunately that will not stop the greed and self entitlement of relatives taking advantage. I hope you are successful in making it right.
(6)
Report
See 1 more reply
Let me add - Mom did things the way she did for a reason. It is privileged info between the parties legally named. Let sibling make amends by visiting Mom, taking her to Drs. appointments, etc. But keep private documents private. Keep careful records and do what is best for your Mom (and yourself since it seems you and sister are doing the caregiving.)
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Since Mom has been diagnosed with Alzheimers it would be difficult to contest Will/POA after the fact. May be trying to see if will etc. done before Mom's diagnosis or after. Since this seems like it was already in place - I would not give them copy of will - POA should have answered their questions if any. Provisions in a will only take place once person is deceased - so if they are looking at "inheritance" or how you are spending "their inheritance" None of their business. There is no inheritance if Mom needs funds for her use before death. Keep careful records and If they threaten court - I would go to court and everything is out in open.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
That's one of my thoughts - depending on how long mom lives and what her needs are or will become, there may be nothing to inherit! Inheritance isn't a birthright.

We also set up an irrevocable trust, first with mom's "liquid" assets, then with the proceeds from the sale of her condo. What I wasn't really aware of until later is the intent, in some cases, for this trust is to "preserve" assets if/when mom goes to a NH. When the EC atty told me to contact him if/when she moves to a NH (she's in a private pay non-profit MC), to give him a call to help set up for Medicaid. I was appalled. So long as I am the one managing all her "affairs", I fully intend to use HER money for HER care! IF it is ever used up and she needs NH, fine, we go Medicaid and we three get nothing. If someone has assets, they should be used for that person's care, not squirreled away for our benefit. Sure, it would be great to inherit something, but I am not holding my breath.
(0)
Report
Your sibling has no right to even read your mother's will until after she has passed. That is privilege between your mother, her attorney and the executor of the will.
I had this same issue with my brother. Prior to my mother's passing when she was no longer competent to make any legal decisions (and he was unaware of this because he was not involved in her caregiving AT ALL) he demanded to me (the primary caretaker and the executor of her will) and my mother to see my mother's will because "he wanted to make sure his mother was being taken care of"......I guess he did not realize the absurdity of that statement! His only concern was that HE would be taken care of after she passed! I told him if he had any such issues he needed to take it up with my mother's attorney..... the attorney had already been forewarned about my brother years prior when my mother wrote her will. I don't even know whether he ever contacted the attorney or not but he never asked me for a copy of the will after that. Also because my mother's attorney knew my brother would cause problems when he didn't get everything my mother had left, she added a "No Contest Clause" to her will so that anyone who attempts to contest the will basically receive nothing. There are a few states (Florida and Indiana) that do not enforce this clause but it is definitely worth looking into.
Good Luck!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Is there a way to have your lawyer send a letter asking for the rationale for asking for this information?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
FloridaDD May 2020
Don't bother.  Just say no
(4)
Report
See 1 more reply
It is possible that the sibling's animosity might be the culprit here, and the reason the estranged sibling is estranged. If Mom is unable to do much without someone present, it is possible that the estranged sibling feels she can't talk to her mom in any realistic and meaningful manner. She may feel that she "deserves" to get part of any family fortune and shouldn't be excluded because of problems that occurred as the kids grew up. It is possible the current caregivers have a valid point that the estranged sibling deserves nothing but there is always another side. It might be good to know what one can expect if there is to be a monetary windfall - or not - just for their planning purposes. Not a popular stance I'm sure, always the devil's advocate viewpoint should be considered. IF there is no expected "windfall" then I might ignore the request. Except I see no reason why a sibling shouldn't be allowed to know what her ailing mother's wishes will be. Unless of course, there is a possibility of animosity, but so what? Just don't return her phone calls.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
I was leaning towards what others had to say - a will is your own personal private wishes for how to handle your possessions after your death. PERSONAL. PRIVATE. If the person who WROTE the will wanted it to be known before, then it is their prerogative to give a copy to anyone they wish.

That said, you imply sibling is being excluded and/or that the "caregivers" feel said sibling should get nothing. OP never said they feel sibling gets nothing AND per a reply post from OP:

"Middle sibling does get an inheritance in the Will - it's just that hers is split equally between her and her children, as mom felt otherwise - the grand kids would get nothing. These are grand kids by the way that she raised when middle sibling left the state - so, her reasoning was not without merit."

No one is trying to cheat this sibling - more the reverse, sibling is looking to get a bigger share.

She also mentioned that her mom more or less raised these grandchildren, which is why she wanted them to get their share as their mother would likely blow it all and they'd get nothing.

Clearly sibling isn't happy sharing with her kids. Scum is what I would say. Can't be bothered to raise her own or be part of the family all these years and then potentially wants to cut her own children out of their inheritance? That's what it sounds like. She gets what mom left when the time comes and that's that. Sure, come along when mom's cognitive functions are out to lunch and play sweetie pie, so as to get the lion's share. Oooo I am OH so nice mommy, please leave it all for me. Many of us have seen this type. When the $$$$ are pending, the scum leach out of the woodwork. I wouldn't trust this one.
(1)
Report
Is there a clause in your mom's will that says if anyone should try to contest the will, she will leave them nothing?....our maybe $1 ??? That way things are specific just in case.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Ally, It's time to lawyer up! Best of luck.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this. I too have a sibling like this. I reached out to my Dad's attorney and he stated not to release the will to anyone until my father had passed. At that time the attorney was the one to distribute the will. (My brother asked me for a copy again 3 days after my Dad's funeral) I told my Brother that Dad's attorney will be sending out the information. He had 60 days to send out the copies but did so well before. Death really does bring out the worst in people. I personally would not give a copy to anyone, let the attorney handle this. Best of luck to you.
Helpful Answer (8)
Report

Years ago prior to my mother in law passing. My brother in law was at her house wanting to know where her will was. A close family member clued my husband in on this. My husband and I found the original will and had it looked at by an elder care lawyer to make sure it was the original. After this we placed it in a safety deposit box until her death. We felt my brother in law was going to try and get it redone. The will was written before I married my husband which I I was glad to see, so I would not be accused of influencing her. When she passed we had it recorded and family members were at that time allowed to see it, but not before because she had dementia.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Do not grant a copy of the will to anyone!!! I have the same situation and unfortunately I made a huge mistake and granted my estranged brother a copy. He was barely mentioned in my moms will and now he is on a campaign to destroy me and my moms relationship. He has threatened an audit, he's threatened a negligent lawsuit, anything to get me out of the picture so he can get poa. My mom has dementia and he is constantly trying to brainwash her into thinking that I am stealing from her, that I am leaving her for periods of time ect. Meanwhile he has no idea of the truth he lives 500 miles away and has barely spoken to her till he got hold of the will.. now his tune has changed. These past 5 years, my life is devoted to her care. There is no legal reason to give a will.
Helpful Answer (8)
Report

First off, the will is used to distribute assets AFTER someone dies. It is intended to pay off debts owed, finalize the debt from life on earth and what is leftover can become inheritance for others. What a person leaves for others is supposed to be done with a clear mind and definite reason why you would leave something for this person, but not for another person. Unfortunately, there are often times when a life lived in anger or little thought for the people they brought in to the world remains the same at death - like a final get even. For the most part, I want to think that people share their assets equally with those in their life to create resolution and provide a sign of forgiveness and love. So bottom line, no one should be picking out details of a will until the owner of the will is dead.

With all that said - your sister has been in the middle of havoc for quite some time. Understandably there may be hard feelings on all sides. BUT there is the chance that mom's health has given her a wake up call that both are running out of time. She is making some attempts to be kind so the rest of you need to let it run its' course.

If there is absolutely any chance you and other sibling had any hand at all in this sister getting a smaller share or something in the will that will slight sister upon death, you still have the option to make things right when will is activated. Maybe mom didn't give her equal amount. Sister and mom didn't get along and sister will have to live with mom's decision. However you and other sibling could repair old wounds by coming together to distribute inheritance equally between all three of you to heal. Why prolong anger and misery for your own lives as well.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
Hi 2 Cents! You are awesome! Great advice! Blessings be upon you!
(0)
Report
See 1 more reply
$$$$$$$ Families Just give it a Break! Especially Now,with corona virus,ect.... Why don't You all just LOVE Eachother! Love Your MOM while You still have Her,And Stop worrying about, THE WILL.....What ever is in the Will,Donate it! Try that! Life is too short,and Too much time spent, on the Almighty Buck! More time should be spent on the ONLY Almighty! GOD!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
Jamison May 2020
my feelings are that if they are interested in the will they do not have the mindset to 'just' love anyone. I'm sorry but I married into a family of narcissists who ONLY care about money. It's crazy making but true. #yesdepressingtoo
(5)
Report
See 4 more replies
Some states will accept a copy of a will, others will not. I would hold onto the copy. If they don't accept that, then you should apply for executorship immediately after death. When a person dies intestate with surviving children, usually all children would share equally. If your mother made provisions for others in her will, e.g. charities, they would get nothing unless all heirs agree to this. You could ask your mother's physician (if he is familiar with dementia) to visit her and make a determination as to her legal competency. If so, you can have her execute a new will with the same provisions.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

She has no right to see the will now and you may be right that she's preparing to stir the pot. I would not provide her a copy and simply say, if your mom didn't give her a copy you don't feel comfortable doing this now. If your mom has dementia it's unlikely (but not impossible) that she 'd be incompetent to change her will. If she is still legally competent then this sibling could try to get her to change her will, yes. If there's no way she is legally competent, her will cannot be changed. But your sister could try to contest it later. Unless your mother has a no-contest clause in her will (and I would recommend this to everyone although even this might not be 100% airtight in every state), your sister could try this later. Best of luck, your family doesn't need this extra angst at this point.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

it was very enlightening reading your post because I m experiencing pretty much a similar situation .
There is only myself and my sibling .
i have POA and also all bank records business records . My Dad gradually wanted me to have records etc...
To the point what is your sibling going to
do if you don’t give him a copy of the will?
You have the POA for good reason your mother’s wish!
i am not a lawyer however what is he going to do if you don’t present it to him?
If in your gut you feel it’s not appropriate follow your feelings .
Good luck ♥️
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter