I am having a hard time hiring someone to help bathe my 90-year-old hubby and I feel guilty about it. Any suggestions?

The men and women who do personal care are usually sensitive to their client's discomfort and will do their best to preserve his modesty. It is understandable that you feel sorrowful that he needs this level of care, but often it is not as traumatic for our loved ones as we fear it will be. He may actually come to enjoy being fresh and clean and feel less fearful once he is reassured that he is in capable hands.

The resistance to bathing/showering is so very common with the elderly. So much so that many caregiving agencies have staff trained to do it. Many medical plans allow for it in certain situations as well as hospice. So please try not to fret about it - of course you don't want to see your husband upset- and his being upset seems to be a part of a natural progression in many, many of the aging population.

Once you find the right bath aide this situation will improve. Some have written here that it can improve to where the person almost looks forward to it. And don't we all feel better after a good cleaning and into fresh clothes or pjs?

Besides that - bathing is so important to keep rashes, fungus and even cellulitis in check. It's also a good opportunity to do a "once over" to check for cuts, bruising and sores.

As stated above - a good bath aide will take care of business in a professional manner that ensures all boundaries of modesty and dignity are adhered to.

What is the guilt about Pat, and why can't you find a bath aide? Are you using an agency?

Have help who I think will be a good fit, but know how he will hate it. He has some dementia and stroke complications. I know that need help but so hate for him to feel bad. He also has no speech.