I recently became DPOA for my mother and got added onto her banking accounts. My sister has been on them for a long time. So there are three of us on the accounts. My sister is bipolar, and can be very aggressive. So I am feeling unsure on how to deal with the finances.
Mother has been saving money to pay her funeral expenses. It was up to $4000. When she got bad with Alzheimers we started looking for nursing homes or assisted living places...they all say that my mother can't have more than $2000 in the bank so we have to spend down the money. We can't spend it on anything that doesn't benefit Mother but funeral expenses are allowed, we just have to have an irrevocable account.
Every month my mother pulls out $450 to live on. She lives with me and gives me $280 a month for rent and utilities and uses the rest for odds and ends she buys like groceries, clothing, etc..
My sister called me last month screaming about us pulling that money out and demanding to know where every dollar went. She accused me of 'making all these plans to deal with the money but nothing happens!'. So I made an appointment to go talk to the funeral home about the funeral. Sis said she'd go with me, thought it was a good idea. Then canceled and won't talk to me about it anymore. So I went alone, because it HAS to be done...and I made the arrangements, very basic, but it's $7500. (My sister was estimating up to $12000 and being VERY nasty about having to be the one to pay for it since the rest of us are all 'deadbeats') So I bought an insurance policy so if she passes before I finish making the monthly payments it'll be paid off. So my sister SHOULD be happy, it's off her plate.
so. I feel GUILTY every time I go to the bank and pull out money for anything. I have to pull out the $120 a month for the funeral for example...and I am paying people to come stay with her...not a lot, just gas money for my nieces and such. I keep records but how do you know what to do? I know I will never satisfy my sister but legally am I ok?
More important...am I morally ok? I haven't discussed this with my mother because she gets so obsessive and doesn't understand money anymore. She can't understand that she can have two accounts for example...she thinks she has accounts at several banks and wants to know why?
I feel so alone and I just don't know if I am going the right ways. Are you feeling lost too?