How do you handle someone who thinks you do not know what you are doing?

Oh, this is so familiar. You can't convince them that what is in their mind is not right. Sometimes you can call in one of the males in the family and they can convince them for a few days maybe. But then it will go back to the same thing. Even if you call in a repair person, it will end up that it wasn't fixed right and they'll want to call them in again.

Something that is a bit helpful is to have a male in the family say things are okay, as mentioned above. Then when she says things need to be fixed, you can say that "Tom" said it was okay, so you don't need to call the repairman.

I have been going through this with my mother for 4 years now. With her it is the floor that is raised on stilts and bouncing under her when she walks. I know that the problem is her vascular dementia. We had extra supports put in the floors 4 years ago and she almost drove the workers crazy, calling them to fix the problem. I had to make their service card and papers "disappear" so they could have some rest. They actually do have the floor a bit too high now, but it wasn't their fault. They were trying to please their customer, though they knew it was too high. My mother has transferred the complaining over to me. I got my brothers and nephew to jump on the floor and assure her it was okay. (Strange thing is that she believed my 14-year old nephew, but not me. :-) Now I just remind her about what "the boys" said about the floor.

If she can afford the service call, call them and let him say that the washer is working properly. However, if she seems to be focusing on things that are not real on other matters too, I might suspect something medical and I would discuss it with her doctor.

Sometimes seniors are quite stubborn and it's a matter of picking your battles. I wouldn't argue about the washer, but would keep watch to see if she is obsessing or imagining other things.

There is a double whammy that can happen with the service guy in the case of dementia. He can say nothing is wrong, which may be accepted for a while until the elder figures out the service guy was wrong... or forgets that he was ever there. Or the service guy can placate the elder by finding something wrong, then fixing it. Then the elder turns on the caregiver and says, "See I told you something was wrong." The caregiver has to play out in his/her mind what would work and go with it.

It's terrible that sometimes we have to be so manipulative, instead of just making honest statements.

My mother was also obsessed with "the man" or "the boys". I had my (man) friend come in and fiddle with whatever the thing was= the tv, toilet, whatever.. and she would smile and be satisfied that the "problem" was "fixed". even though he wouldnt do anything but make it look like he did. it was an easy quick fix till the next time. - My mother had a strange distrust but obey men thing all her life.

Have you explained to her how much a service call would cost? Does she understand?

You wrote that "this" just recently started. You mean this washing machine stuff? Or has she had other obsessions as well?

When she brings up the washing machine have you tried changing the subject?

If you think your mom's behavior has changed take her to her family Dr. and see what he/she has to say. Maybe your mom is experiencing dementia or maybe one of her meds is affecting her. Maybe she's just stubborn.

If your mom has going on about this for a while and shows no signs of letting up call a guy in to look at the washer if your mom can afford it. It might be worth the money if it settles your mom down.

(In my family we always called it "the guy". If something breaks down we call "the guy". If we need something fixed we call "the guy". Forty years later and I'm still calling "the guy" when I need something done.)

Thank you for all the great advice. I only worry as she did this about two years ago and called the man and he sold her a new computer control module on a one year old washer for $500.00 and the washer brand new wasn't that much. I am trying to prevent that from happening again. I have thought of asking a friend to come and pose as the man, but she knows most of my friends. I was just more or less worried that this may get worse at some point and needed clarification that this is somewhat normal. Distraction helps sometimes, until another load needs to be done. She does seem to think my older brother knows everything so I will have to have him " check it out" thanks everyonr

I wondered if your mother has vision problems, like spots in front of her eyes, that leads her to see the dishes as dirty.

I understand, Momofsadie. We had a multi-thousand dollar disaster here five years ago that was brought on by my mother fretting over the water heater. I don't even like to think about that incident. I couldn't get her to listen. If you think she is about to make a costly mistake, bring in the big guns -- the men in the family.

Does you mother have dementia? Older people can be easy to take advantage of, but certain types of dementia seriously impair reasoning and judgment. The control module incident made me wonder. Is it the same washing machine?

Seems like that generation..looks for problems even if one doesn't exist...or they envision negative outcomes..and have paranoid ideas about almost everything...the negativity drives me crazy! I avoid doing certain things for mom for as long as I can ..having a talk with myself...I'm not going to react to how she's going to act...it's difficult..I feel like a bully sometimes...I'll just say..Don't start..please! Yikes!

"Oh Mom, you are right! I don't think these new machines get clothes as clean as the old models did. Your generation knew how to build a quality product! But these newfangled machines have to work with less water. That's a good thing, I guess. A lady in my bowling league has been talking about her washing problems with this kind of machine. I'll ask her what worked best for her. Maybe we need a different laundry product."

Agree with her observation. Offer a different solution.