How should I handle Mom's dwindling appetite?

I finally decided not to worry so much about what Mom is eating. I still use Elena's advice about trying to make it more fun and introduce some different foods into her diet. I have to make sure that I make a dessert for dinner each night that she eats after dinner and before bed....it holds her sleeping pill!!!!! She refuses to take any pill that will allow her to sleep so we have to run around each night making sure that dessert is ready to go and searching for new and different things to eat, although she loves ice cream so even if it was ice cream she would eat it!

We are making it an everyday occurrence to eat lunch outside together. She only eats 1/4 of a sandwich, but I make sure she has potato salad or fruit maybe a couple chips or yogurt and a cup of milk. It seems like if we are looking at the nature and talking, she forgets what she is doing and she eats. When we sat at the dining room table or I was in a hurry trying to get multiple things done at once, she would lose interest and not eat.

I am trying to clean off the patio and get an umbrella and see if perhaps we could eat dinner out there periodically as well before it gets too hot.

I know logically that as we age our appetite diminishes and yes it is caused by a lack of exercise, medications, boredom and maybe even the lack of will to continue to live. I guess I just have to accept the fact that I am doing what I can, the best I can and if or when she passes away i will at least know that I did what I could while she was here. As a care giver I have to try and control most all situations but in the end we really have no control over life and death, it is just realizing this and accepting it that can be hard.

Elena makes some excellent suggestions for enticing her residents and ai am sure they are very content in her care. However as the end of life approaches the appetite does dwindle and over time as the body needs less fuet goes away completely. Talk to the Dr about her breathlessness and feeling of fulness. they may be able to give her something to speed up her digestion. Present wery small portions and as Elena said just present them. Serve soft food that is easy to swallow. Even a small glass of wine with her Dr's agreement may stimulate her to eat. I agree that coffee and cookies are not the best nutrition but can you add egg or peanut butter to the mix, or make something savory with a little cheese. maybe mini pizzas (soft and home made) or tartlets made like quiche and puddings. Finger food that needs no effort and something to wash it down.

The key is in "I let my mother eat anything she wants". If you give her cookies every time she ask for it, it will ruin her appetite for sure. Indeed, she might ask for cookie just because it's all she remembers. It's your job to bring healthy option: piece of fruit, freshly made smoothy, small salad, parfait made with organic yogurt and fresh berries, etc.... bring it every hour or even more often.
I also do not bother asking my residents if they want to eat. I usually put it on front of them. Yes, it should be served appealing. I NEVER use plastic silverware and paper plates in my house. Use attractive china.... Yes, ice-cream tastes better if served with an old silver spoon and in a favorite cup! Fry slice of any fruit to top that ice-cream and compliment it when make presentation: "Oh, mom, look what I made for you! Oh, it looks yummy and tastes delicious! Can I have a spoon too?"
It also helps to "take a bite" on front of your mother.... bring those apple slices and share it with her. I bet she will not resist....
I also top all salads with fresh fruits and berries. Who said you can't serve lettuces with pears, strawberries and blueberries? Little drizzle of balsamic vinegar will make it complete.
You might also talk to the doctor about her meds. Most come with side affects, and declining appetite is one of them.
Good luck!

As with the last response, I'd suggest talking to her doctor about the heavy breathing and possible swelling. But with that said, I have read posts in here that suggest letting a person eat anything they want in order to get calories in them. There are some situations, it seems, where empty calories are better than none, at all. Ask your doctor if this is one of those cases.

But as for the outbursts, I wouldn't necessarily put too much stock in it. My mom has outbursts when I try to get her to do a lot of things. Partly, she feels less control over her life now that I'm her caretaker and she doesn't like that loss of control. Partly, her ability to properly express herself is diminishing, as her memory is causing her to have a hard time coming up with the simplest words and especially so when she's upset (usually with me!! ;-) ).

There is a difference between not being hungry and not eating, though. My mother has no appetite but will eat when I put it on the table because she knows she needs the nutrients. Have your mother's doctor have a talk with her about it. If the only problem is a lack of appetite, she might be induced to eat. But if there's some other problem, she might be having a hard time figuring out how to explain what's wrong -- it's she's too bloated to eat, for example, she might not know how to tell you that, or even that it's important.

ElenasElderCare: I hope and pray to God that if or when I need to be placed somewhere, it will be with someone like you! I loved your post and it made me wish I could pop over to share a bite with you. Caring for Mom alone is very difficult and leaving to run to the store to buy these things would really have to be planned out but i do agree that something appealing is better than a cookie.

My older sister brings home these cookies because she knows my Mom likes to eat them, so I am constantly fighting this and she brings home about 5 gallons of ice cream at a time as well.

I had also read that the brain of an Alzheimer's patient craves sugar is why they go for it. I do have to say that I cook some very good meals but she just refuses to eat or fakes a stomach ache. I thought when we gave her yogurt the other day to eat in place of her meal, she was going to throw a huge fit, but it was a rather small one instead.

geo123: My Moms memory lasts for about 10-15 minutes if that, so having a talk with her doctor is of no value to Mom. By the time we get home from his office, she doesn't even remember ever having been there.

She says she isn't hungry but it is more like, "I don't want to eat that!" I will ask her if there is a special meal that she would like me to fix for her and her answer is always "no nothing." Her main stays are a cup of coffee, cookies and ice cream. She might eat some salad as she does like that but I cannot get meat into her any more. I cook her one egg and she eats half. If I make toast or hash brown potatoes then she will eat less of the egg and a couple bites of the potatoes and bread. It is frustrating and I have turned into one of those people who are allowing her to eat anything if she will PLEASE JUST EAT!

She also will not eat lunch because she is still full breakfast and her 2 tablespoons of food and if she does eat, then she won't eat dinner because she is still full from lunch.

We have locked up all her medications to keep her from accidentally getting into them and overdosing herself but now I almost wonder if the lack of eating is a way to end her life as well. I have seen this before with my aunt and my father in their last year of life, we practically stood on our heads to cook for them to eat. It didn't work.

Veronica91: When I first asked this question last year, the doctor put my mother on Megace but it turned out she had gall stones and had to undergo surgery to correct the issue. She has been doing well with eating and then all the sudden cut her eating to about 2 tablespoons a meal. Now I am sorry if my asking this question offends you, but there are hundreds of people on this site and more coming on every single day who have experience in this area and are willing to share their insights and experiences and I appreciate that. None of us are paid to provide answers to these questions, so if you see one that you have previously answered and you are ticked to see it again, then perhaps you should pass that question up and answer someone else's rather than being rude. What is a big deal to me may not be a big deal to you, but it is my problem that I am seeking new/additional advice or input on. I greatly appreciate the advice that has been given by Elena and others, that is what we come here for true understanding and support by others who have walked in our shoes.

Holy Cow I am truly sorry if you found my answer offensive that was far from my intention.. I was not at all ticked with your asking the same question because previously you had found the reason to be gall stones and to you this was another new experience.
My remarks about it not being a big deal were directed to the forum and the world in general when so many people insist on major measures when their loved ones are reaching the end of their time on earth. This is not necessarily the case with your mother and of course you should continue to tempt her with tasty treats. The point I was trying to get across was that few people deliberately starve themselves to death but that is the way things appear to their loved ones.
Again please accept my appologies.

Veronica91: I never felt that my mother was trying to starve herself to death. This is not my first rodeo with care giving, it is my fourth. With almost everyone of them their appetites diminished as they went downhill and I realize this is part of the living/dying process. Although I believe my mother is years away from actually dying. It is frustrating this up and down roller coaster of eating and not eating as well as the change in behaviors. Never will I put my mother on any type of feeding tube to sustain her life, her Healthcare Directive clearly states she does not want this nor do I. My question was asking for insight from others as to how they had handled this situation when they were faced with it. Your response of "HolyCow You have been through this twice before so stop making it a big deal" is like a slap in the face to someone who is having a very difficult time dealing with this situation and honestly looking for help.

There are many times when I have seen the same question asked numerous times, if I am tired of answering that question I move on to another one, or if I have seen maybe, PStegman or JeanneGibbs or Igloo answer a question the way I would or I can add nothing to what they have offered, I move on or mark "Helpful Answer." I try not to write anything nasty to anyone as I know that we are all dealing with horribly stressful situations and just seeking advice.

Thank you for your apology....I appreciate it!

HolyCow, what a great idea about making meals more fun. I will need to remember that if at some point I notice my parents not eating.

Glad to hear your Mom enjoyed eating outside :)

My mother, 88, in a NH, barely eats as well. At this point I doubt she weighs more than my big old Labrador. I've tried taking her favourite foods for lunch but she eventually refused it. A vegetarian (which the dietician is aware of) she mostly refuses to go to lunch and just picks at supper though she does eat breakfast, and munches away at her stash of cookies and chocolates. I shouldn't provide them but at this stage at least she's eating something and enjoying it. Even if I stopped providing, there's a vending machine in the hall and she has money to use it.

She's had Parkinsons and numerous strokes over the last 17 years plus she has dementia. I go between feeling that, as she spends all her time in bed or her wheelchair, her body doesn't need a lot and thinking that maybe she's just starting to shut down.