How do I handle the comment "I wish I'd die and get out of this world"?

Will type more when I get home form work..But same problem.
Think I will be dead first. Will explain later.

Cathy24, I love your answer. I've have to remember that one.

But, meanwhile, since you didn't give more information, it's hard to disagree with those who suggest it could be a cry for help.

On the other hand, my mother sulks and says things like this when she doesn't get her own way. It's partly a guilt trip on me and partly her feeling sorry for herself. One thing that is hard for me to keep in-mind is that she's also a human being and prone to her own feelings that I can't control. If she's down, it's not up to me to fix that, although I'll admit I do sometimes find activities for her or try to distract her during those times.

Once again, though, just feeling sorry for oneself or laying on a guilt trip is different than actually being depressed and wanting to die, for real. So, I certainly am not saying to ignore it, either.

My dad went through an awful time recently, between December and February. He would often say that, particularly when he was at his worst, and I heard him praying to be taken from this world. Not only was he physically and emotionally spent, but he misses my mom as much now as he did when she passed in 1986. It broke my heart to hear him speak this way.

I reacted with sadness, but also with understanding and encouragement whenever he would claim how much he wanted to go. I also tried to reason with him that there are many people who also have illness concerns but who don't have good healthcare, a secure place to live or family, which he does. I also explained how important he is to all of us, and when it is his time, God will bring him home. I emphasize that we are thankful for every day that he is with us. Dad himself has always awakened and given thanks for another day, and I am grateful that this practice has resumed.

Back in January, I had Dad evaluated by the psychiatrist on his medical team because I suspected he might be experiencing depression symptoms. He started an antidepressant regimen (concurrent with treatment for other issues). Another antidepressant was added a few weeks later, thus helping both appetite and sleep loss.

He has since greatly improved emotionally. I am observant of he he is feeling, and always supportive.

Drummergirl, I'm really glad to hear your dad is improving and I hope he continues to do well with this new regimen.

Thank you so much, geo123! This has definitely been uncharted territory for us. I am thankful my husband is so supportive, too.

My dad, 86 has been healthy all his life, up until recently. I'm hoping that the prostate cancer hormonal treatment won't lead to significant side effects that may derail all of his emotional and physical progress he's gained.

I either ignore the statement, and just listen, or say a prayer. If they wish to leave soon it's fine with me. Sometimes it is a blessing.

I lost my dad 2 years ago and he was depressed a lot this way still want to be needed, you have to remind them they still are needed . Its hard to hear it but at their age they really feel that way. I use to give my dad word games, and things to do in the Garden. Give him something so he feels useful and needed. It hurts when they talk that way, sometimes it can be manipulation to do something they know they can't do, Like drive or go out on their own. Try to give him some chores around the house, even if its just folding towels. He dose have pride and wants to feel like he is still useful. Make it simple. People in his generation worked hard, and it was that way to them a pride to work. He just needs some busy work to do and don't feel guilty if he refuses to do anything. Just try to get him to?

My histrionic and NPD mother said while we were visiting at a rented condo with them and my (nurse) sister about six years ago: "I' just going to jump off this balcony!". My sister, who has always been able to get by with saying whatever she wanted to with my crazy mother said "Go ahead!". Here we are, six years later, dealing with the SOS.

My Mom says that frequently & I just tell her I love her and give her hugs. I don't take it very seriously anymore because she would never do it. Considering such a large percentage of caregivers die BEFORE the person they care for, at this *point" I'm beginning the search to put her into Long Term Care with a Geriatric Case Manager. I am burned out and get no help WHATSOEVER from my brother. We barely speak, so once again, I will be doing this alone. But I've decided I have to put myself and health first. She is going to be totally pissed. I have no idea how I will get here there. But I feel such relief about that the fact a Geriatric Case Manager is going to walk me through each step.

when a person feels bad physically or emotionally, he may say that he wants to die
I don't have a long answer for you....I suggest that you acknowledge that this person is depressed...sad...he may feel guilty re his being a burden to you...my answer is "it must be hard Dad, we both should try and do our best"....people say that sort of thing, but it is still difficult to hear

Cathy, I do understand the pressure you feel to continually keep your father's morale up, so that he does not feel like saying things like "I wish I'd die." But that is an impossible task. You only have so much energy. Just console and encourage yourself that you are doing the best you can, and that is the truth! If your Dad happens to say something negative, you can not take it to heart. After all, he has lived a long time, and it stands to reason that his brain and personality have more than likely undergone some aging changes, and this is causing him to say things he ordinarily wouldn't have said. You are good to him.

All of the above comments have emotional value to me and offer support..

This morning I came across this comment and believe it to be true and helpful. It is attributed to Marshall B. Rosenberg:

"At the core of all anger is a need that is not being fulfilled."

Explosive anger erupts here when a zipper will not cooperate or a button is difficult to manipulate due to his peripheral neuropathy. Small things have always caused some anger, but it is more violent since my husband, with dementia, cannot perform any of his normal chores. Work was always his main interest and now he has no interest in anything else but how he feels, etc.

The worst part is that he knows he will not get better and is gradually losing his faculties.

Depends on the source. If the oldster is a narcissist, like one of the above answers, would say 'go ahead and jump'. If they are truly a narcissist, they don't jump.
Makes me wonder though, if we are nice to them, give them hugs when they are acting ok, would it extinguish the other behavior (again, provided they aren't narcissists). Then ignore this whiny depressive type of yak and don't pay it any attention. Behavior that is rewarded tends to repeat itself?

Lois you are an ispiration for us all...

Lois I have to ask? Do you ever wonder what your life would be like if you were the one with Alzheimer's instead of your husband? As you said you are a very independent women. I guess I wonder if one of kids would be doing the brunt of the care giving for you or was your husband the type to take charge?

Stress seems to come full circle (repeats itself) by many little 'triggers'. I'm finding that you're in a 'no-win' situation being a caregiver. When you 'think' you've 'solved' a problem or get to a place where things are looking 'up' something else comes along (siblings, working with medical staff/institutions, money situations...) that works against you and your 'good' intentions/will... Suddenly, your stress is right back where you started from. I'm starting to think that caregivers' (due to their kindness and good nature) are unwantedly masochists of sorts. So, somehow we have to learn to deal with it by ourselves or some kind of counseling (maybe). This scenario has been the most difficult (by far) that I've had to deal with in my whole life: Coming to terms of endearment for my 'self'... knowing that I'm doing and have done all I can do and not berate myself over and over again... it's extremely difficult for the kindhearted... isn't it?

Would my husband take charge? No, he would not. It's not in his nature. He was born with Whooping cough and was 'babied' by his mom during childhood and well into our married life, when possible. He expected life to go his way and became irritated when obstructed in anything. He would NEVER admit this. But he could be very sweet and had lots of friends in school, where we met, and I love him dearly cause I know there is a sweet, kind person inside, then and now.

The kids? Three have college degrees - one in psychology, a Master's, and she is very supportive now and understands our relationship through the years. She has mentioned before that she thinks Dad is one angry son-of-a gun. She is the one who would be most helpful were I to become ill, but 4 hours away and recently widowed.

If I were not able to care for Dad, he would land in a nursing home in a flash and would not last there more than a month or so - not an environment he could handle evidenced while a rehab in-patient after a prolonged intubation IH after pneumonia and blood infection eight years ago.

Our retired son is most helpful with keeping my tractors going, and other stuff and he lives nearby, extending love and professions of help when I seem to be breaking down, coming over to 'sit' while I do my thing - you know- shopping, taking the dog to the vet, etc..

The youngest is a HS teacher in a small town 2 hours away and she is the one with the most compassion, but no time, really, with two active teens and a husband recovering from quadruple by-pass surgery.

There would not be enough help from them to do what I do now caring for their Dad for him to survive long with me helpless.

I guess this was possibly TMI for your simple question and I am sorry to be so long winded.

Heart2heart... Please do not berate yourself in any way. You are a Godsend to your 'receiver'. We are all with you and hope for the best. No one knows what you are experiencing until it happens to them. The other day the sun came out in all its glory. I sat in a chair watching the beautiful white clouds passing in a field of gorgeous blue sky - uncovered my legs and arms to the sunrays, and just basked - 45 degrees out.. Also when out Lab returned the ball I gave it a throw as far as I could making her happy.

The wonderful warm rays and Marley's happiness seemed to unwind all of my stress tangles and I went back in to my mundane chores with a lifted heart and knew that I was doing all that I could. Find the time to unwind - meditation is supposed to help, but I haven't gone there - yet. God bless you... Lois

Lois thank you for your honesty..Aaah the long awaited sunshine, I know exactly how you feel!!!