How do you handle buying Christmas presents for your loved one to give others?

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So this year, like many past years, Grandma and I settled on how she would buy me presents. She was supposed to have her sister buy me a gift. Then I was supposed to help Grandma buy gifts for everyone else. I should point out that this is Grandma's first year of living with me, but her sister and I have always helped her with gift buying in the past.

So her sister indicated to me that she had bought and wrapped my present. Then I found out that Grandma had also asked two other family members to buy gifts for me and a few other people. Apparently, she had forgotten that her sister and I had already gotten something. So the other family members (one is the POA) said we could just return one of the gifts. The problem is that the sister said mine is non-returnable and I'm not going through the hassle to return the items I already ordered. The gifts I purchased were well thought out and I put a lot of effort in it. The other gifts were ordered online with no thought after I had made arrangements with Grandma, and return shipping would cost a lot. I suspect the gifts are from a well-known mail order food company. So me and a few others have double or triple presents from Grandma.

I'm kind of annoyed because the two family members that Grandma asked to buy me and others presents for, have never been involved in helping her buy presents. It seems to me that with Grandma's faulty memory, they should have come to me and asked me what the gift buying arrangements were. I mean, Grandma does live with me. I'm the one who does everything. They're not involved in anything. The POA barely does anything and certainly doesn't do what they're supposed to.

Am I wrong in being upset here? As Grandma's sole caregiver, it seems these other family members should have checked with me about the presents. And it seems they should have especially done so considering her faulty memory.

What do you all think about this?

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Christmas is difficult as are birthdays. In the past when Mom was on her own, she sent everyone, children, grands etc $10. Her sister was an exception as we're myself and my husband since we lived close by and spent the holidays with her.
After moving in to my house, I did not presume anything when it came to gifts. She was in her right mind and if she didn't want to remember everyone's birthdays etc as she did in the past that was not my business. She asked me what I wanted and what she should get my husband, as she did every year and purchased a couple of things through catalogues since she couldn't get to the store, to send to my aunt and asked me to write a check for her.
This year she decided that she wanted to send each brother and step brother and my aunt gift cards to a restaurant and they could use it toward taking their families out. Where she got this idea, I don't know, but I bought the cards, she picked out Christmas cards and signed them and I addressed and mailed them.
Faulty memory is not a condition that is seen as incompetent. If it was, we would all be in trouble. Everyone should have asked you what was being done about Christmas presents before buying any since you were there to converse with Grandma. If POA doesn't want to pay you, he shouldn't pay anyone. It was either your grandmother's wish that all the gifts were bought or not. It is not his job to determine this unless she is incompetent.
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You have received some good suggestions so stop being upset. there is nothing that can be done this year if there really is no way of returning anything. If POA owes you money for things you have brought insist on being reimbursed but otherwise just let it go. I don't think anyone was being malicious, just thought they were being helpful as you have so much on your plate.
I have an absolute limit person for birthdays and Christmas as we are elderly and have a fixed income that keeps shrinking. If I find something on sale that usually sells for my limit I have no shame in keeping the change. I used to be able to make a lot of things but physical issues prevent that now. One year I was so broke the limit was $5 per persion.I was able to make things that would have cost many times more - think knitting with thrift store yarn or weaving afghans that sell for $100 with $12 worth of yarn. ovely gifts and much appreciated.
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There would not be an issue if everybody did what grandma had wanted. imo.
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"Grandma is aware and alert".
You are her caregiver.
She wanted others to also buy you gifts.
Receive them graciously, thank Grandma.
Don't second guess your grandma!
The only issue is that the POA is against grandma spending that money on you!
The POA is over-stepping, in my opinion.
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Letters and cards are precious
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Most elders like to give and receive something that can't be bought, e.g. a telephone call, a walk swept, a rug vacuumed, et al.
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mejjy11, some good ideas on this thread. But one thing I want to bring up is the other people thought they were helping you. You can get angry at them for not communicating with you, but maybe they thought since you tend to do everything, this was a way to help you and Grandma. I think this is a great time to discuss the real situation, Grandma can't remember all the time, so just check with you. Also be specific on what you need for Grandma. I see you are really annoyed and think they did this and belittled your job as caregiver. I think since presents are secret they didn't want to spoil the surprise. Figure out what can be put away for next year, what can't, return what can be returned and enjoy the mix-up!
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Yes, the other family members should have asked you. But like I have found, it never goes that way. Can you keep them for next year? I realize the food won't keep.
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I will try not to be rude! Sounds like your family has forgotten the true meaning of Christmas. I really do understand the gift giving process, but look what it has done. Everyone is angry at each other. How old is grandma? In my family we really don't expect anything from our elders. Why should we? How many years have grandma been giving gifts to family members or how many holiday meals has she cooked over the years? How old is she? The gift giving process may be getting too difficult for her.

Sounds like you should simplify the process next year. Don't expect anything from Grandma. Have everyone else draw names and if people want to give a gift to Grandma they can. If she wants to buy a gift for someone make it simple and everyone should understand not to expect too much from Grandma.

I really don't understand why people expect anything from the elderly. The older I get, I honestly don't care about the gifts. They are nice, but I would rather just have a fun day with family.
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It is too late for this year, so grin and bear it, thank everyone for the gifts and put this memory in you back pocket for next year. I Agree with the hassle of returning things...ugh)
Likely your grandma has been in the habit of providing each person with a thoughtful, personal gift..until she couldn't any more. That's OK.
My mother would hoard $5 bills and send one to each grandchild for their birthdays & Christmas (very sweet, but 3/5 of my kids are millionaires on their own and would actually joke about the money she sent. She's on a tight fixed income. I sat my kids down and explained to them what portion of her small income was being spent on them and their cousins. Sobered them right up. Then I asked mom to stop sending money to anyone but the great grands, and to stop sending them anything when they hit 18. (No one is that old yet).
She did think about it, and several years ago stopped the b-day money. She only sends to the GG's, and I hope they appreciate it.
Mother has 24 grandkids and over 60 great grands. That adds up. (Also, about 20 of those kids don't have a clue who she is!)
As far as us gifting her?? We asked her to stop giving us adults anything--it was stressing her out. Now, well, we don't even have a party any more, but everyone gets her a small gift (I always send out a reminder email to PLEASE make it current photos, unframed, of the ggkids, and gift cards to one of her favorite restaurants. NO more stuff for her house!! With the GC's she can "treat" her one friend who can still drive, to lunch and not feel like she's impoverishing herself.
Times change, families change, accepting the new normal is hard, every few years it gets less and less.
If your mother insists on "giving" and can afford it, help her to find a charity to donate to.
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