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I (we) live on so this cousin won't get stuck. Mom did not shower or change clothes she slept in. This family member is toxic-to me. Am I the dirty dog or should the person trying to visit make sure she can come into my home and do as she pleases. Which is nothing but irritate me while me Mom sits back and protects her and watches me be upset?
I'm just tired of the stupid games. This is the same cousin who went behind my back and online to get my Mom her drivers license.

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I was mistaken about what I wrote previously and am so sorry to get everyone caught up in that mistake.
I had an epiphany.
There might come a time in a couple of months that she might not want to go back to her apartment. I'm not going to hold it over her head every time something ticks me off that she says or does. That is just cruel and I don't want to be that person anymore.
I don't know how long it will take for me to warm back up to my cousin, but I will always have my guard up somewhat, but I can't keep carrying around this burden of the past between my mom and me. So, losing her beloved dog who was mine too has taught me something about compassion.
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Is Mom going back to her apartment? If so, u will have ur home back. I would change the locks in case Mom gave cousin a key. Then u can check on Mom when u feel like it. If family complains, tell them they are welcome to care for her. You are being abused and need to get away from it.

When things get stickier, ask APS to do an eval on Mom. If they find no problem then ur safe. And u have a record showing you have been up with Moms care.

Not sure if u can get a restraining order on cousin for entering your house without your permission or not.
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Update to update:
Somehow my cousin found a way to pop in on my mom while I was at a dr's appt.
I really do not want her in my home whether I am here or not.
My Mom has a sneaky side to her and I don't trust this relative of mine in my home while I'm not here.
I can write her a letter and tell her that what she is doing is trespassing, and I don't want to take it further but I will. Why is she not doing what I ask, yes she is coming to see my Mom and so forth but I don't know what pieces I will have to put back together once my Mom does something that puts her in harm's way and this cousin doesn't see what I see on a day to day basis, just thinks it is me treating my Mom poorly. As in my original post, they just want to get together and talk sh*t about me and other relatives and I don't want it in here.
I ask again, what rights do I have.
I have been working on myself going to counseling and so forth and this is my business!! I don't need this bs.
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Yep know what you mean MIL and husband’s family blame me for his FTD Parkinisms his high anxiety and compulsiveness. Apparently I have the power of God. They do nothing and his mother won’t even do SKYPE with him because she doesn’t want to look at him and be upset. Moved interstate 18 mths ago so son can help with his father
now DIL has left my son and their two children under 5 because she wants to have fun. Found out she has been sleeping with random men and taking cocain. She already is a heavy drinker
However MIL demand my son take her back to better look after my husband and blames me for the breakup because I am a viscous poisonous person who is probably the reason why she left him. This will now become the family line. If you don’t want her in your home then don’t. Better still take your mother to them to look after
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I need to get this straight. You are fewer than several months from your mother moving back home? Your cousin has come to take your Mom to the home so they can together assess her needs there? And you cannot be gracious while that is being done? I have to be missing something, and I am sure that I am (along with a few marbles). But I would myself try to be very gracious and accommodating, help with packing and assessing where Mom is going, get the movers lined up now, and ready things in general so that you can get some relief and the help that you need. Family fighting is extremely upsetting to our elders. They are smack in the middle of it, and it puts terrible stress on them, can result in accidents and failures in healing. Please try to be the best person in you, and start a nice little hidden count down card. 60. 59. 58. And on you go. Hoping you update us when Mom returns home and you have some relief.
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Rbuser1 Jul 2019
AlvaDeer, I have been taking her over there off and on since she got displaced from her apartment.
My issue is someone calling and saying she's going to be here in hr and half and not letting someone know before hand. My Mom wasn't even prepared to do anything with her niece. I take responsibility for overreacting but it was a clear cut trigger.

this is from my answer above:

This cousin won't be here to help move anything. It will be up to me, because I am the daughter. I just can't. But I will to get her away from me.

I will say thank you for reminding me to be gracious in the midst of it all. It's frustrating as I watch my health go down the tube from the stress of living with someone 24/7 and being taken for granted to boot.
Sorry, I've regurged enough this evening, I am making myself sick.
But thank you for your reply. truly.
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update: cousin brought her back less than 2 hrs. So, I guess she drove all the way from 2 hrs away to visit with her. I think they thought I was going to roll over and let be what may. Just tired of it.
I am in counseling through local clinic these days. And I am becoming more disabled mentally each day.
Mom is expecting to move back into her apartment in a couple of months, so cousin took her over there to look at them and see how much work has been done.
This cousin won't be here to help move anything. It will be up to me, because I am the daughter. I just can't. But I will to get her away from me.
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Geaton777 Jul 2019
I think you need to do what is best to support your own mental well-being and I'm not pretending to know the answer. It may be best if your mom wasn't in your home yet you seem to indicate she needs "handling". I would try hard to get an official cognitive assessment for her if you ever have the chance to take her to a doc appt. Then you could put the gossip to rest (but you shouldn't care about what they think anyway). If she really is a danger on the road you can anonymously write to your state's DMV and there is a place (probably on their website) to submit information. I've done this and it's worked. If anyone does an end-run around the license issue again, maybe they should be reported. Peace and serenity to you.
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If it's your house, you get to make the rules about visitors. I'm assuming your mom has some issues like dementia going on? Are you her DPoA? Do you think this cousin is angling for your mom's money? Since she has worked against you in the past (driver's license) and assuming your mom shouldn't have been driving, I would call the cops on her if she tries to enter your property whether your mom wants her there or not. Do you have any medical proof that your mom is a vulnerable adult? If so you can let your cousin know you are filing for a restraining order (this way you have ammo if your mom meets her off-property), but you will need to give proof to court as why your mom needs it. Other than that, take away your mom's phone/block cousin's number, block her emails, etc. Others will post more suggestions. Hope this helps for now.
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Rbuser1 Jul 2019
I have healthcare POA, she stays in my home, and cousin has her own money. I quit work 2 months ago and have charged my mom rent since then. So this doesn't include everything else being done for her.
I'm not sure if this is age related decline or dementia, but she puts on for whoever comes around. Show boating?
Extended family are huge gossips and I have been the scapegoat for as long as I remember.
I'm tired and burnt out but I'm not completely down and out so much that I can't call some shots. If I seem bitter, I am.
As for restraining order, I told mom the last time cousin did her deal with the driver's license that I didn't want her here anymore and I would get a restraining order if I had to. My aunt intervened the last time and took mom to get her eye dr to fill out forms so mom could keep her illegal license. They don't trust my judgement because it is different from theirs.
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