This forum saved my sanity, possibly my life. For nearly 20 years, after my father died, I was caregiver for my mother. She made nothing easy and our already difficult relationship became downright toxic. As she sank into dementia, I tried to keep my compassion. Love was harder. I think I loved my mother once, but I can't remember. When my father died, I felt like my heart was torn out. When my mother died, I was just numb. Now I am settling the estate and clearing out a huge jam packed house...attic to basement. It is filled with the possessions of my parents, their parents, a summer cottage, my late brother's house. As I went through boxes, I found things that reminded me of better times and I felt some sadness about my mother. Then I ventured into my father's workshop and just howled with grief. I don't know if it's common to lose love as a caregiver. I sure still miss my father more than my mother. I am still receiving condolences for my mother and I feel fake.