How do I get over the guilt of wanting to be romantically involved with someone other than my husband with dementia?

I feel for you---I am 59--and we aren't dead yet! BUT, as JudyC and tigerlily suggest, get a puppy! I have a Beagle, Snoopy, who is very affectionate and loves to sleep with my husband and I. I know that you are probably thinking that we are nuts, but think of the alternative of the guilt you would eventually feel if you strayed from your spouse. Your wedding vows were for SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH---not just the good and easy times.

YOU don't FIX it. Just keep taking care of him. You married him for better or worse, so what did you think this would mean? so its the worse now, "Get over it." You will not regret it. find other things to do to occupy your life for happiness. God will take care of the rest... HIS way. Take care and may God help you every day.

A difficult situation for sure! But we all have our needs and I think it is important to have companionship --- I am aware that it is very difficult in this kind of situation to not give in to our human needs and desires. Have you tried turning all those feelings into more creative ones like writing, painting, etc. Meditate on it! If you have done something....don't be ashamed, face it, forgive and go on. I really think the most important thing is to take good care of your spouce and at the same time take good care of yourself. Don't be so hard on yourself. Meditation can help get rid of all types of stress and most people who meditate find this to be true. I know from experience that sometimes what we really need is a hug and to know that someone cares about us while we are pouring out our love and energies to make someone else happy or as their caregiver. We have needs and we count too! My best wishes to you...sending you love and a great big hug!

I really can understand your feelings and emotional need. My sister died 3 months ago from Emphysema. Her last 5 years were just surviving. Her husband took care of her but they had separate bedrooms for at least the last 8 years of her life and even though she could speak to him there was absolutely no romance or cudding because she was bedridden. I use to feel bad for my brother in law because I know he desperately needed someone to talk intimately and enjoy activities out of the house. Even companionship for a meal or a movie. I don't know how he handled it or if he did find companionship elsewhere but if so I know he would have felt very guilty about it. That is the problem with seeking something elsewhere, you will still have the guilt, then if you meet someone that you like...what then?
It is tough and I am not sure how I would handle it myself, but my prayers are with you for sure. By the way....if you get a dog get one big enough to cuddle on the couch watching tv!

get a puppy. puppies likes to give kisses. read your bible. there are several love stories in there. AND there is Nothing wrong with going to movies or out to dinner with the girls, they give hugs. REMEMBER he is not dead. you gave your Marriage VOW. hang your Marriage Certificate on the Wall.

Boy, do I know what you mean! I was 58 when my husband developed dementia.

Questions of ethics and loyalty aside, I can't imagine when I'd have time for an affair! I barely have time to sleep, let alone have time to find someone else to sleep with. It just sounds like too much work. :)

I think Carol is right. Think through your decision carefully. You are the only one who can decide what is right in this situation.

I truly feel for you and want you to know my prayers are with you. With or without the romantic element, touch, tenderness and feeling loved are so essential to human wellbeing. I found myself in that position when only in my 20's because my husband at the time suffered from depression and wanted nothing to do with me.

One option may be to have the marriage desolved and for you to simply be his caretaker/Power of Attorney and so forth. Then you would be legally free to date and meet others also in need of affection, nurturing and love.

It may be untraditional to do something like this, but your sanity, well being and quality of life are just as important as your husband's. A compromise may be the way to go.

Best of luck,
Jenny

First, you are not alone. I'd suggest you read "Jan's Story" by Barry Peterson. Peterson relates his own love story in a book that reads like a novel. His beloved wife developed early on-set dementia, and he went through exactly what you are going through. There are many people in your shoes. Counseling may help you figure out your way forward. Only you can make the decision, but please research it so you feel okay with whatever your choice is. There are other books, I'm sure, but this one is excellent. Good luck,
Carol