I've been POA for finance and health for my parent for almost 2 years. It's a hard enough job, but one I was fine to do because I love my parent. However, it's been pure hell dealing with my parent's 3 children from an earlier marriage and who live in another country, who, despite being largely absent for decades, have come out of the woodwork after our parent was widowed and are now trying to revoke my POA in court and appoint a 3rd party guardian (they can't serve since they don't live in the country). They claim they are trying to "protect" our parent, who finds that utterly ridiculous because of our close, loving and trusting relationship and because I do everything to help him.
Anyone who knows me and my parent knows I've been caring for them for years and that we have a very close and loving relationship. My parent, who has mild dementia but who needs lots of help, wants me to remain the person in charge. The 1/2 siblings are bankrupting our parent in court and bankrupting my spirit. I can't think of anything else, have lost work and am basically in despair. I did not sign up to deal with them and they are totally unreasonable, demanding, and do NOTHING to help. In fact, they even want our parent to pay their legal fees in addition to their own!
I'm at my wits end and don't know where to turn. I am sick and tired of the months long court process which sucks my time and parent's money. I want desperately for it to end and to walk away, but I can't leave my parent unattended. What should I do? I have reached poverty level and have had to almost abandon my career and husband because of the time and energy this has taken, and I've become severely depressed and have to take meds to be able to sleep. I don't want my parent to become a ward of the state, and there is not a lot of money -- once the lawyers are paid there will be virtually none depending how long this continues.
I've tried to "settle" with the 1/2 sibs but I can't and won't meet their unreasonable requests which are super detailed and would require hours more of my time every week -- time I don't have especially as I do not work for them.
Any advice is welcome!
This is crap behavior and if they have to pay for all of it maybe they will stop. One thing I know for a certainty, unless they win, they can not get the other party to pay their expenses.
You can sue for expenses, pain and suffering, vulnerable adult abuse, claim financial exploitation of a vulnerable senior. Your attorney can probably list a dozen things, but get it done and filed so it can all go on at the same time in court, your attorney can request that.
How do they think your dad is going to live if they blow all his money in court, are they trying to take him back to their country. What is their purpose in doing this? Is this all of yous dad and you had a different mom? could it be punishment because he left them and had a new family?
I am trying to understand because it makes no sense what they are doing.
She has alzhiemers!
I have joint account with her on her bank account !There for
I contol her money!!
Her biological son came into her life & borrowed $6000:
the very week her hubby died & gave her post dated checks
which bounced ( so she thought) He actually put stop payment ! He then re issued new checks & did the very same thing! He also changed her will saying he & wife got everything! Fortunately the insurance company caught it
right away & my sister had to go to the lawyer & have the original will put back in place costing her a couple of hundred dollars!That was 7 years ago now & I have placed her in a nursing home! I emptied her house & gave the house
back to the bank - she had a reverse morgage on it!
No one else can touch her bank account now!
You shouldn't be communicating AT ALL with the 1/2 siblings. Just let them go. I do hope your attorney specializes in elder law. It's important.
I know this is totally crazy for you, yet hold on. As soon as this is over, things will become lighter for the two of you.
I would hire a sitter (if he can't be alone) so you can go off for a couple of hours--walks in Nature, maybe a massage, meet a friend for coffee, go window shopping...anything that interests you. That will relieve some pressure you're feeling now.
Self-care is equally important to your parent's care. Make sure you're doing it.
Let us know how it goes...all the best to you!!!
Stay strong!
Since you have been an amazing advocate and POA for your parent that will prevail! You know your parent the best. And it sounds like your siblings could care less from afar. Stay positive get your power back! You are empowered! Stay focused centered and true to yourself! Keep going! There are resources in your state to help you. Office of the healthcare advocate.
Medicare advocacy.
There are lawyers out there that might need to do some pro bono work.
Check with your local law universities.
Stay strong! You got this!
There's days I want to throw in the towel.
Have to keep going and never quit.
Humor helps : )