We started the guardianship/conservatorship process in April-May for my 92 year old father who has dementia. It is now August and it still isn't done. We ended up keeping it out of court to avoid undue stress on my father (he's contesting) and were able to work something out between us and the attorneys. There are provisions for things that he wanted and in order for him to accept the guardianship, it had to be done that way. As time has drug on, he actually seems to be better than he was when we started this. He has accepted care coming into his home (still lives on his own and this was a BIG step for him) and his medications have been stepped up. He has made it very clear that he will still be in charge of paying bills after this goes through (I write the checks, he signs them - he will continue to have his own checking account) even though I will have a pool of money to draw on. He will not make a selection for a medical alert pendant and has made it clear HE and HE only will make the decision on what to get but since he's not good at making decisions anymore, that will never happen unless I intervene.
If he finds out I am spending his money behind his back for things for him without him knowing, that will send him over the top (I would like to improve the quality of food he eats, purchase needed compression stockings, etc. He won't spend the money. I tread on eggshells). How does the saying go? Something about catching more flies with honey. He is very controlling and forcing anything on him will not work. It will only make him dig his heels in further. I am getting pressure from people in the care industry to get an emergency guardianship. Our regular one is so close to getting done that I see no point in that and an emergency guardianship for what? He is doing OK. Yes, I would like to add more home care (currently 4 days a week for 1/2 days) but that will come in time. I get him out every Saturday. He has another friend who comes and helps him with his yard. The caregivers clean his house. They take him to doctor appointments. No, his hygiene is not the best but I have hired a foot care specialist for his feet and we are stressing the importance of taking showers. He wants people to work WITH him and not TELL him what to do. Much push from outsiders who don't know my dad like I do. I think I'm doing OK given what I know about him, others don't think I am doing the right things and frankly, I guess I'm not totally sure what my role will be as guardian and how to make him do what he's supposed to do when he won't. Feeling a lot of stress about what I am taking on here and I really wish others would leave me alone.
Posting this to Alzheimers and Dementia, as I don't see guardianship on the list anymore.......
What you’ve done for your contrary father is nothing short of amazing. I’m in awe of your tenancity and determination to figure this all out and see it through for him.
Like igloo572, I am questioning that what you have is a “True" guardianship and conservatorship. It sounds more like a “Modified Power of Attorney” especially since you “ended up keeping it out of court”. Most guardianships and conservatorships must be APPROVED by the COURT SYSTEM and cannot be “something (worked) out between us and the attorneys”.
Go to your State's Judicial website and Search “Guardianship and Conservatorship” to determine what your responsibilities and duties as guardian and conservator are. I have found that some State Judicial Branches have very little information about the requirements and responsibility of guardians and conservators while other states like the one I live in have packets of the REQUIRED FORMS that you have to fill out, such as:
•Guardian with control of the ward's assets Packet.
•Guardian with a court-approved budget Packet.
•Conservator Packet C.
•Both guardian and conservator Packet G&C.
Also, the state that I live in requires that ALL guardians and conservators attend… Guardian/Conservator education course that is offered 4-5 times a month throughout the state. “The course content, approved by the_______ Supreme Court, provides detailed information for those serving as guardian or conservator. Classes are led by an Associate Public Guardian (APG) from the Office of Public Guardian, and most classes will have a volunteer attorney through the…State Bar Association present to answer general legal questions regarding guardianships and conservatorships. A certificate of completion will be awarded upon completion of the course, which will then need to be filed with the county court where the guardianship or conservatorship exists.”
The website: expertlaw.com/library/estate_planning/guardianship.html
Discuss the following which I think you might find helpful:
•When is a Guardian Appointed
•How is a Guardian Appointed?
•What Are a Guardian's Duties?
•Court Supervision of Guardians
•How Can a Guardianship Be Ended?
•Avoiding Guardianship
I really think that you need to research guardianship and conservatorship for your state more so that you can truly understand what your responsibilities and duties are to your Father.
Aren't you “on call” 24/7 already? With Dad on his own, I’m not sure the cell phones off at night rule should apply to your phone , especially since it’s already backfired once.
The rationale for guardianship is that they cannot make decisions in their own best interest; a guardianship gives the guardian a legal enforceable framework to do for their ward with guardian holding powers by orders from a judge and can do whatever for them in a timely manner. As guardian you make the decisions and control the wallet to pay for these decisions and report to the court regularly.
imo your in some sort of ever morphing “agreement”, it’s not a guardianship.
Your post reads that you & your dad “were able to work something out between us”, nonsense. Your not sharing responsibility & decisions.... you get bills, organize them and he pays them; you don’t have fiduciary oversight. You can’t even sign checks? Lordy a good DPOA allows for that. You think he could benefit from a medic alert or compression socks but he won’t allow these, so it doesn’t happen. It’s not a guardianship, you’re not getting any authority in this drama the way you describe it.
Elders often say their going to try to contest guardianship. Your atty should be able to prepare a position to support why he needs a guardian and why you if the reasons are valid.
Also imo you should be concerned about “people in the care industry want me to do emergency guardianship”. These get requested by APS. If one of the folks telling you this is a mandated reporter - MDs, licensed caregivers, RNs, police - they are required to contact APS regarding your dad if things are amiss. If someone is telling you about emergency guardianship, take this as a warning that they are considering a call to APS. APS isn’t called just for abuse, but also for neglect. “Neglect” has lots of latitude.....not taking required medications, hygiene, safety. If APS comes out and dad gets huffy & argumentative with APS, the police will be called and police usually will put them in for a 72 hr hold. It’s often done by a “5150”. And within that 72 hr hold, APS will get a judge to do a emergency guardianship and it will likely not be you but court appointed. Sometimes court appointed guardian is better.
Call the lawyers, sometimes they need a push. Things don't happen overnight. Like u, I see no emergency here. Guardianship or not, Dad has rights and even with Dementia he cannot be made to do what he doesn't want to.
As as far as the time it’s taking, I believe this is not unusual from what I’ve heard. But if you’re working with an attorney, you may want to call his/her office for an update.