Grieving; How do you start over?

So sorry for your loss. First, let yourself grieve. Do u need to work fulltime? If not start out with a nice p/t job. Ease yourself back into life. Contact friends. I found Facebook is best for this. I have a friend I worked with 50 yrs ago that we connected again on FB. We now go to breakfast at IHOP regularly. Another, we go to lunch every so often. Do or Did you have a Church you attended? Maybe you can get involved there. Read a good book. Maybe take a trip. This is a great time of the year. The crowds will have dwindled and the weather cooler. Getting away from the familar can be great.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

What Joanne said makes good sense.

You can do this. Yes, feeling like you are starting over can be scary or it can give you a new zest for life. Find something that makes you feel alive and begin.

Hugs!

My condolences to you for the loss of your mom! I hope you are comforted by many happy memories of times together with her.

Maybe take some time at first if you can, to get your bearings and adjust to this new reality. Then when you're ready, start doing some research about options that might make sense for you and your situation. One thought I'm having is to check out your county's website and see if they offer any programs or info for job seekers. On mine, I see special outreach programs for 55+ job seekers, job counseling, re-training, etc.

I’m so sorry for your loss. Here in Ohio they have free job training for seniors. Check to see if they have something like that in your area. If you can afford to do so, wait at least a month to give yourself some time to greave. Believe it or not, a lot of businesses would rather hire seniors.

Firstly sorry for loss I looked after my mum and dad lost my dad in 2011 and my mum in 2016 and miss them both the journey will be long and sometimes extremely lonely I have found it hard to make sense of their passing but I have learnt to take day by day and when the feeling of grieve comes just to feel it my mum passed away 5 days after my birthday so that is a bad time for me but I manage to get through it.
Just have patience with yourself take the time you need to travel through life
Sending a big hug

People do not understand how it's like being a caregiver. My mom has end-stage Alzheimer's and her death is something I will have to face. Everyday I dread it and I even have frequent nightmares about her death. She requires around-the-clock care. I'm certainly no authority but with her death is a new life for you. Yes you will have to re-enter the work force..and the bills will keep on coming in. But now you don't have to worry about her anymore--she is a much better place--and you are free to do with your life as you please. We all are going to die. Everyday we are closer to the grave. So at least her suffering is over. Try to be strong. That's what common sense says. but the hardest thing about life is living it. What other choice do we have?

Lil, I am so sorry for your loss. My Mom passed away after being bedridden in my home for nearly 19 months. It was the most difficult thing I have ever done. Things got a bit better when she went on hospice. She has been gone nearly 3 years, yet I still have moments where I miss her terribly. I deal with this by thinking that she is safe now from this World, all the ailments that she had to deal with, and that she is with my Dad and other family in a better place. She told me she wanted me to get on with life, but there are moments where I cry still.
I found that getting back out into the World was a slow process. Doing things actually helped me feel better, bit by bit. Give yourself time to grieve, yet remember that your Mom would have wanted you to go on with life and be happy. You deserve this for all that you have done as a caregiver. You will have your moments, but these are turning into happy memories for me now and replacing memories of those rough last months. What helped me was to go through old photos where my Mom was smiling and happy. I wish you all the best for your future as you were a wonderful help to your Mom and she would surely want you to be happy. Take your time and do what feels right.

Lil1234,
I'm so sorry for your loss. I suggest three ways to address your pain and find new purpose.
1. Join a grief support group or work with a grief counselor.
2. If you have been isolated due to caregiving duties, visit and engage at some social activity. You can find some at senior centers.
3. Check out the websites listed below. They developed programs specifically for 55+ people find enjoyable, purposeful work.

I returned to work at 59 after caregiving. Hope this helps. God bless.

Back to Work 50+
aarp.org/aarp-foundation/our-work/income/back-to-work-50-plus/about-us/
BACK TO WORK 50+ supports community colleges and workforce investment boards that are helping 50+ workers overcome barriers to finding better jobs.

Senior Service of America
seniorserviceamerica.org/
Senior Service of America oversees four federally funded programs to train and employ older adults. The Senior Community Service Employment Program (SCSEP) is one such program. SCSEP is the only federal program targeted to help older workers find work in community service. Each year, SCSEP enables thousands of low-income seniors each year to earn and learn while working in local programs serving their community. Check out their website for the other programs for seniors.


National Older Workers Career Center
nowcc.org/applicant-resources/
Offers some of the same information as Senior Service of America about federal jobs. This particular webpage has some excellent articles about looking for that job.

Check with local community colleges’ counseling center. They may have programs in place for the mature worker and can guide you to the next job you’ll love.

sorry for your loss - give yourself some time - maybe you could help caregive other peoples loved ones. just a thought.

So sorry for your loss, Lil. Caring for your mom that long made you even more intimately connected with her! Allow yourself time to grieve and to honor your days together. If you need work immediately, you are going to have to push yourself a bit. What did you do before caring for mom, for work and for enjoyment? I'd love to hear about it. Try to get back those things you loved to do but maybe missed out on a little over the past few years. Or perhaps things you never got to do. It will take time, but you can do it. You are stronger for having been a caregiver! We all are. And your loss is so new, you are still grieving. I wish you the best, and I'm glad you 'll stay connected to this forum.

I just read dinamshar9's answer and I kind of thought the same thing! Some people would say, that's crazy, take some "me" time but jobs with the elderly would feel familiar and are ALWAYS needed! Plus I really feel for those older people who don't have a loved one that cares for them.

You're NOT starting over. You have skills managing a special needs customer, arranging logistics and transportation, and book keeping. You also have communication skills working with professional enhance the care of another person. Dust off the resume and go back to work. You will be fine.

I echo SharonGLPC.
I was thinking about what to do afterwards before my Husband died and I thought ..well I can become a caregiver. I know what to do. And I am sure I would get hired pretty easily.
Since I volunteer at the Hospice we were with I decided to "train" as a CNA assist and I decided then that I needed to take a step back from caring for someone. I can give support but to have direct caregiving tasks assigned was just too close to what I had just done.

So what do you want to do?
If you are not sure there are lots of places that need and want volunteers if you can afford to volunteer. And you can choose a few things so you can find out what you want to do.
If you have to work there are lots of places that are going to be hiring for the holidays. Best thing is if after the first of the year you find you like what you are doing I am sure they will keep some on as part time.

But right now if you can, take time for YOU. Take a trip if you can. If you have no one to travel with there are lots of agency's that will try to pair you up so you do not have to pay that extra that is often charged to single travelers.
Or if you like adventure pack a bag and point the car in one direction and drive.

Dearest Lil1234, First, I send you much loving appreciation for what you have done for yet another beautiful soul that could not take care of its earthly needs. You are deserving of the best for taking on that role with sincerity. Next, your body and brain are swirling with toxic chemicals from all the stress of grieving. Do everything you can to take care of yourself. Consider joining a hospice grief group or one through your religious affiliation. Just your presence, given your past, will support others. You don't have to talk or you can, but the counseling for your healing in that group is free of charge and so worthwhile. Even though you feel you want to rest and be alone, it is important for your healing that you try to be in a small group of others who are also healing. The scene in the United States right now for nursing homes and assisted living (or home health, for that matter) is desperate. There are so many who need at the very least 15 minutes to 2 hours of social support. Sometimes all you do is show up but the fact that someone cared to show up does not go unnoticed! You might go through volunteer training for a local Hospice organization. That puts you in touch with a whole network of social workers, psychologists, pastors, nurses, CNAs who have networks beyond that can guide you in your next moves. These folks care about the caregivers so you will be nurtured too. It is win-win, given all the experience of caregiving you bring. Then, after a time, you may want to look for a job with a home health organization or hospice. Caregiving with your experience is a no-brainer! Heal at your own pace in your time. Put yourself in situations with others who are caring and understanding. Stay away from those who you feel are out of touch with your reality and seem to just not understand. I wish you well!

I retired from my career as a land surveyor to take care of my parents, and was 56 when my mother passed away. I went back to work as an in-home elder caregiver when I was 61 (I am almost 64 now). Part of what I did in those five years in between was to complete a course of study on the anthropology of aging - studying the differences between how we regard and treat elders in our society and how people in other societies do it. That really helped me get a bigger perspective on my personal situation. I make about 2/3 (per hour) what I did in my former line of work, but I have much better control over my schedule, and I know with EVERY SINGLE SHIFT that I am making a real difference in someone's life. Not just the person I am caring for, but their family members as well. And I learn from my clients every day!

If you are fortunate enough to be able to give yourself some time to just grieve, adjust, and get used to the new normal, I highly recommend caregiving as a job - particularly for us older people. As some have said: those lessons you learned taking care of your mother are pure gold, and this industry is ALWAYS looking for good, reliable caregivers, and it's growing.

My deepest sympathies on the loss of your mother, and my best wishes that you will find a fulfilling path forward!

I'm SO sorry for the loss of your mother, and I think you're a marvel. My family is only two years into this experience. I can't imagine how you must be feeling. Everyone handles these things in their own way. I'm not sure there's a right or wrong way to grieve. My only suggestion would be to love yourself, and allow the grieve to flow. Give yourself some time. I too am 58 (almost) and have thought about making changes only to worry about my age. But what's on your side is likely your honor and character, and a very good employment market. Start slow, and DO take care of YOU! Hugs and love to you.

I'm so sorry about your Mom. When you lose someone whose care so completely consumed you it leaves an enormous hole and it's hard to know how to fill it.  You seem like someone with a wonderfully warm heart who is a natural and dedicated caregiver. My question to you is this - why start over?  Why not build on the 15 years experience you have as a caregiver and make that your career?  There are so many families out there in real need for someone like you.  Home health aid, respite giver, nanny - it could be whatever you want it to.  Check out websites like Care.com and maybe post a resume.  You never know...

I am SO sorry for your loss! I lost my mom suddenly last December (I was 49) and I don’t think ive grieved yet... it takes time.
Caregiving is a rewarding but tough tough job. If you don’t think caregiving for an adult is possible right now (watching decline takes its toll)... what about children? Classroom aides, cafeteria support staff, recess aides, hallway monitors, TSS work? There are agencies that hire Therapeutic Support Service workers (basically you’d be a one-on-one), or schools/districts hire their own assistants. The pay is not great (around 8-10) but you’d work with children! They have so much love and so much NEED!
Theres always day care centers if you like the birth-to-five age group. I always say, “you can’t have a bad day when you get to spend it with 30 5/year olds!”
You could always start gradually as a substitute to see if you like it. Try Kelly Services if it’s near you...it’s an agency that hires subs.
many blessings on your new endeavor. May you find peace and comfort. Know that your mom will continue to be with you even though she has departed the physical world... her spirit will give you strength!

((((((((hugs)))))) I am sorry for your loss. You will find your feet again. You have shown such loyalty and ability in caring for your mum. Amazing!

If you are still covered by a health insurance you may consider a psychologist. If your mother was under Medicare hospice there may be grief counseling available to you. A State "Dept. of Aging" social worker could also help to talk with you. Call anyone like the Alzheimer's Association. Go to your local church or hospital for volunteer work. The latter also should have a social worker on staff to talk to. Just do not be alone!

I echo everyone’s thought of love and support for you in this, one of the final stages of the very long journey of loss. And I echo the thoughts of everyone who has said that your mission now is to extend the same gentle care to yourself you gave to your mother all those years. Remaining connected is indeed important, but unless you need it financially, getting a job is not the only way to do this. You might try volunteering in various settings to see what piques your interest. Or think of what you gave up during your care-taking. Church activities? Exercise? Community groups (e.g. gardening groups, book clubs, etc)? Or maybe there is even a support group nearby for those grieving losses. As many have said, you are an incredibly strong person. You will make it to the other side of this, just as you made it through all the challenges of care-giving—one day at a time. I don’t believe the hole in your heart ever goes away, but I do believe that over time, and sometimes with help, you learn to live with it most days. You will remain in my thoughts for strength and comfort as you navigate this new road.

No ! Thank you for sharing. It is ever one who is sharing with each other is blessed. Even though we do not have the faces to match the words written.....it is the old saying "words are powerful"
Do not worry about starting over...if you can take care of your mom for many years you can do anything. Look into major rental car companies for jobs. I know I found a part time job as a driver. Driving car to other rental places in their car to associated rental places. It is part time but I get to drive a new rental car every day. It takes me to areas within 70 miles and then I drive one back to the hub. It is fun and driving relaxes me but looking at different scenes and knowing their is more out there. You did your labor of love now it is your time. No regrets. Your mom would want you to enjoy yourself. You did a great work with your mom and she knows it too inside her heart. Life is for the living!! Carry on honey.

I’m sorry for the loss of your dear mom. Sending hugs and prayers your way for comfort and peace in your heart. I’m in the throes of caring for my mom now and am feeling burned out. Your story gives me encouragement to push on because I know someday she’ll be gone, and like the same scenario with my dad, when he passed I never had a day of regret of my time caring for him and I know it will be the same with my mom. And I hope you too can carry that peace and satisfaction with you now knowing that you did a great service for your mom while she was here. ♥️

I'm so sorry for the loss of your mom

If you have a computer, internet and landline phone, there are Remote/Telework/ Telecommute Jobs available.

My prayers are with you and your family and friends. It isn't easy to lose a loved one because you also lose a part of yourself. You were able to help and be there for your Mother and now it's time to be there for you.

Starting over can be difficult, take a deep breath and do baby steps. Since the holidays are coming, perhaps start with something part time or volunteer until you find something that interests you. You aren't starting over at 58, you are experiencing a new adventure, a deserved opportunity to take care of you.

I wish you well and keep us posted! We are all here for you and care.

This is a great time of year to start looking since so many places are looking for temporary help.

also as mentioned try a temp job company to see what its like to work again.

try reading or visiting or ??? at a nursing home. Or being a reading buddy in a school.

We have a volunteer agency called rsvp. Call the local office on aging for their volunteer program.

i used to volunteer at a hospital walking patients to lab test areas and at a local senior center.

Now i finally have a job. Im 78.

Start out volunteering at a hospital, for example, & then get help from Workforce 1 to get your resume together...& apply for any office job or any that you qualify for at the place you’re volunteering at. Do you maybe want to get certified as a HHA? They can help pay for school too (workforce 1) so sorry for your loss. My mother is so abusive to me, I wish she would pass soon....I know she will kill me eventually.

🙏🏻s for your own post alz care recovery. I am following in your footsteps.

God Bless you Lil1234,
My Mom passed away a little over two years ago. I also was her caregiver but continued to work as best I could during that time. It was a very difficult, emotional time but, I too, don’t regret that I kept my mom home. I can empathize with everything you’re feeling. As daunting as it may be, I think you may find that work will actually be therapeutic. I moved to Phoenix at age 54 and had to get a job. True, it wasn’t in the midst of grief, but please don’t let your age scare you. Our generation is valuable and has so much to offer! I will say this, you need to grieve so make time for that no matter how painful the process is and it is a process. It too will be a rollercoaster ride. I still participate in a GriefShare group and it’s been wonderful! Please reach out to anyone who can help you with this including me. Believe me, I feel your pain!
Blessings,
kwdw816