Grief: Death caused by nursing facility. How do you deal with it?

Texasdr, I'm sorry to learn of the tragedy and ordeals you and your husband have experienced b/c of the nursing home, and sad as well (but not surprised) that the place (and its corporate management) used bankruptcy laws to avoid payment.   I don't know whether a judgment for negligence would classify as a priority lien under bankruptcy statutes -it's been decades since I've done bankruptcy work.

But it does occur to me that your husband, if he wants, could go after the individual owners of the facility - I'm assuming it wasn't a chain, but an individual company, with noncorporate owners?  How long ago did this occur?  

It would bring back the unpleasant memories, and you'd probably need to hire an attorney, but it might be possible to sue the owners, in part for breach of their fiduciary obligation to ensure proper care.

One step you could take though is to try to search online corporate records to find out who the owners were, their states of residence, and write explanatory and complaining letters to the state board that monitors nursing facilities.  Same with Medicare and Medicaid; they should know about sub-par facilities.

It is a lot of work though, and probably would be emotionally painful, so that has to be weighed into consideration of pursuing this any further.  I would at least though try to notify state and federal officials - that might prevent these shysters from getting involved in any further care.

Without knowing more specifics about what happened to your loved one, it's hard to know what sort of grief you are dealing with. Have you reached out to your pastor or priest?

I am so sorry for your loss. My significant other's mother died while in the care of a Nursing Home (they dropped her and broke her neck) and he sued the facility doctor and the Nursing Home. The judge found in my loved one's favor, but the Nursing Home declared bankruptcy and the court-ordered judgement was never paid. There were several family members of residents there who had sued this place (it was awful but the only available place in the town where she lived that accepted Medicaid) but the bankruptcy filing kept the Nursing Home from having to pay the judgements. I'm not sure if they are still in business. I hope not!

I am so sorry for your pain. You aren't a felon, so I would encourage you to leave the word guilt out of this, and stick to the other G word which is grief.
I would like to ask you the circumstances that occurred which causes you to blame the care facility.
It is sadly often a fact that we tend to paralyze ourselves to prevent ourselves from going forward into grieving process because we see it as so unsurmountable. One way we do that is to blame another entity. Our minds suggest to us then that death can be prevented. The truth is, for our suffering elders, they are on the path to death, and we are on a path to loss. When we feel guilt we are stuck in thinking that things might have been prevented. When we enter grief we acknowledge that loss must be faced.
Our thinking forms pathways in our brains that become habitual. We follow them in a hopeless circular manner. One way to exit this circle of pain is to begin at least for some periods of time to CELEBRATE our loved one. Make a scrapbook of pictures of your mom, collage things she loved. Write in your memories of her, what she taught you, even notes to her. This is going to give your mind a bit of relief from the circular pain that has you paralyzed.
Do consider also that grieving is as individual a thing as our own fingerprint. You may grieve a longer or short period of time. You may need the help of a counselor from your church or professional Social Worker who deals with life passages or a psychologist.
Again, I am dreadfully sorry for your pain.

Mary, I am so very sorry for your loss and I am more sorry for your pain at the cause.

You say that you pray and pray and nothing gets better. I would encourage you to remember that when we belong to Jesus that HE knows the number of our hairs and our lives are in HIS keeping. She went home because it was her time. Otherwise nothing could have taken her life.

Please try to envision her living the promises that all believers have, no more sorrow, no more pain, no more goodbyes. Transformed from an old broken body to a young vibrant woman spending her days worshipping The Saviour.

May God grant you grieving mercies and peace during this difficult time.

Great big warm hug!

Some more information would help us.

Why do you think the NH caused your LO's death?

Gather your thoughts and come back and tell us the details.

I'm sorry you're suffering.