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I have Hospice involved and they are very helpful. Has anyone else seen the narcissistic behavior off the charts as they near the end? She is in a chair, unable to walk unassisted due to a fall, and cries and yells constantly. She's a lot.
I'm so sorry you're going through this with your Mom. I don't have experience with a narcissistic parent, but can you tell us if she's on any meds for anxiety / depression / agitation? If not, why not?
Interestingly half the people posting on Forum claim their relatives are Narcissists, but fewer than 5% of the nation really is. Hard to figure.
Sitting in a chair and crying and yelling isn't a symptom of narcissism. It may be pain. It may be dementia. It may be mental illness. It may be depression. But I don't hear symptoms of narcissism.
More information may help. What exactly is she yelling? When you sit and speak with her what is it that she WANTS from you? Assistance walking? Company? To tell you she hurts?
I want to welcome you. Stay and read a while. You ask if "anyone else" is experiencing what you are. I am afraid that we don't right now have enough from you to know exactly what is going on. But one thing we can all recognize is your frustration.
Sorry to be of so little help, but we HEAR you. And sometimes venting frustration is a little help. Again, welcome. Read. You will see you aren't alone. You don't tell us if you live with Mom or she with you, but there are times when caregiving one-to-one isn't sustainable any more. Only you can make that decision and I sure wish you the best of luck.
NPD is common in the US, and just one of many different narcissistic disorders that are on the rise. I think the reason so many that have NPD loved ones post here is because NPDs are unable to be dealt with in a normal way. Victims of NPD abuse are driven to find help when the NPD parent has gaslit everyone around them for so long there is no one to turn to that they know. NPDs victimize not just emotionally, but also financially and physically. NPD in females is on the rise faster than that of males, hence why we are hearing of so many with moms with narcissistic traits. I agree that people often use the term in the wrong way, but narcissism is on the rise and a huge problem in the US.
If your mother is crying and yelling constantly please talk to your mothers hospice nurse about ordering some medication that will keep her more calm. That is what hospice is there for, to keep your mother as comfortable and pain free as possible. And if visiting her is too much for you perhaps think about limiting your visits to just a few times a week. And if God forbid she's in your home, ask hospice about getting her placed in a facility until she dies.
If your mother is crying and yelling constantly, then she's in pain and or experiencing anxiety that hospice should be addressing with medication. Folks in the condition your mother is in tend to be "a lot" until theyre made comfortable. The end of life journey is rarely as you see it in movies, and tends to be quite gruesome at times. I can't imagine being in your mother's position right now, can you? Please see to it that she gets properly medicated rather than blaming "narcissism" for her behavior.
Yes. I'm certain my mom has NPD and has been diagnosed with Schizophrenia. She is still NPD, but she is a LOT calmer on meds. The Surviving Narcissism channel on Youtube is a good resource. As NPDs age they get much worse. They cannot fathom the earth still spinning without them in complete control. Without meds mom was a terror. Now she is adjusting much better, even though she still lets everyone know she is queen bee and they are all beneath her. My mom is wheelchair bound, but able to go to the bathroom on her own. We have her in a Memory Care facility, but hospice is not involved.
Thank you for the responses. She is in a facility and her pain is being managed. It's been a delicate balance to address the pain and behavior. It's been hard on everyone, her most of all.
Welcome. This forum has helped me immensely. I hope you can find some solace from such a wise and experienced group who share their trials and tribulations--I certainly have.
My dad's main dementia related focus was his finances--though not necessarily narcissism, as you are experiencing, he did seem to be "controlled" by the mania that dementia brought on. It caused him to think he needed to go out and get a job (at 90) to support his family, or to get more contracts, or to travel to see clients, something he used to do during his working days.
It was as though he was consumed, and there was no getting through to him.
The only thing that helped was Seroquel and an as needed anti-anxiety. It did take a few tries to figure out which one worked best. Haldol was the one.
It is difficult to witness a parent seemingly so controlled by dementia. I used to think that if my dad were in his 20s or 30s and someone heard him saying the things he said at age 90-92, he would be taken directly to a psychiatric ward, because the behavior is so similar.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I'm so sorry you're going through this with your Mom. I don't have experience with a narcissistic parent, but can you tell us if she's on any meds for anxiety / depression / agitation? If not, why not?
Sitting in a chair and crying and yelling isn't a symptom of narcissism.
It may be pain.
It may be dementia.
It may be mental illness.
It may be depression.
But I don't hear symptoms of narcissism.
More information may help.
What exactly is she yelling? When you sit and speak with her what is it that she WANTS from you? Assistance walking? Company? To tell you she hurts?
I want to welcome you. Stay and read a while. You ask if "anyone else" is experiencing what you are. I am afraid that we don't right now have enough from you to know exactly what is going on. But one thing we can all recognize is your frustration.
Sorry to be of so little help, but we HEAR you. And sometimes venting frustration is a little help. Again, welcome. Read. You will see you aren't alone. You don't tell us if you live with Mom or she with you, but there are times when caregiving one-to-one isn't sustainable any more. Only you can make that decision and I sure wish you the best of luck.
And if visiting her is too much for you perhaps think about limiting your visits to just a few times a week. And if God forbid she's in your home, ask hospice about getting her placed in a facility until she dies.
Best of luck to you.
My dad's main dementia related focus was his finances--though not necessarily narcissism, as you are experiencing, he did seem to be "controlled" by the mania that dementia brought on. It caused him to think he needed to go out and get a job (at 90) to support his family, or to get more contracts, or to travel to see clients, something he used to do during his working days.
It was as though he was consumed, and there was no getting through to him.
The only thing that helped was Seroquel and an as needed anti-anxiety. It did take a few tries to figure out which one worked best. Haldol was the one.
It is difficult to witness a parent seemingly so controlled by dementia. I used to think that if my dad were in his 20s or 30s and someone heard him saying the things he said at age 90-92, he would be taken directly to a psychiatric ward, because the behavior is so similar.
Wishing you some calm and peaceful days ahead.