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My grandma has serious problem. She lost her leg & has heart failure & is urinating everywhere! There’s nothing wrong with her mind at all she just physically broke down. She won’t shower correctly or let someone help her shower. She stays in one soaked depend all day & will continue to leak pee all over. She stays in the kitchen all day so our kitchen floor smells & is soiled. Even when we cook or are trying to clean she’ll park herself in the middle of the kitchen & insists she’s not in the way & won't move. Our whole house stinks! We can no longer have company over or breathe comfortably in our own home. We can’t say anything because it’s extremely disrespectful in her eyes. She goes in everyone else's personal space leaving pee there. We have carpet. She gets offended when we light candles or open widows. She is extremely rude & is convinced that we’re all going to hell. There’s no filter on what comes out of her mouth. She doesn’t have dementia or Alzheimer’s. Her doctors have given her orders of no soda & only one liter of fluids a day but she drinks a 2 liter soda & tea & juice & water everyday which is making her urine stronger. She refuses to get catheterized & her kidneys are about to shut down. We’ve lost all hope & basically our home. No one else will take her & she won’t go to a home.

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Why do you think she doesn't have dementia?

If she doesn't understand how serious renal failure is, it's sort of an indication that she's not thinking in a clear, rational way.
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There is something wrong if she is content to stay in soiled undergarments all day.
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Thanks for further details. I think you are operating under some delusions, yourself.

What you describe is NOT respectful behavior from your mother. If one of your children behaved as she is, and went into rooms you told them not to and inserted themselves into guest visits, and said things like "just because you are a mother doesn't make you a boss", would you consider that child respectful of you?

I'm sure you clean the kitchen often. But why should you have to repeatedly clean to remove a pee smell? Are you training a puppy? Potty training a toddler? Putting up with smelling pee for a limited time in pursuit of a greater good is fine, but permanently? Who does that willingly? Well, you and your mother do, I guess.

You are no longer a child. Your mother is not in charge of the house. She needs to be in a different environment.

I'm upset at the way my body is giving out on me. Some days more than others! But that does NOT give me the right to treat others disrespectfully or demand obedience from my adult children. (Ha! I'd like to try that once.) Interfere with how they are raising my awesome grandchildren? That wouldn't happen more than twice, I'm sure. Once to warn me and the second time to keep the kids away from me.

There is too much tension in the house!! You are certainly right about that.
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"Should we get physical when she’s being invasive or just remove her from the home. "

Not sure what you mean by getting physical, but it does not sound like a good alternative to me. She feels that she can do what she wants, where she wants, and the needs of rest of you don't count.  She is trying to stop the children from normal activity. This is unhealthy for them.

Just remove her from the home. She is causing your home to be very unsanitary by dripping pee everywhere including the children's room. CPS might be interested in that. To me it is obvious that her choices, for whatever reason, are not compatible with any kind of normality in your home. My vote is to remove her to a facility whether she wants to go or not. There are ways to set that up so she can be moved even if she is not accepting of the idea. A home should not be sacrificed to the crazy demands of a senior. Good luck.
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Has she always shown signs of mental illness?

What sort of testing was done? (The fact that a person can name preident, knows their name an what date it is means that they are competent. It does NOT rule out dementia).

Why is she living with you?
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Certainly her mind is not "right" with the choices she is making. She has mental illness and/or early dementia. How thoroughly has she been evaluated? On the MMSE mother scored 28/30, but her decision making was not good, and after extensive testing it was found that she was in early vascular dementia. I hope you get some answers.
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F*** respect at this point. I'd tell her, ok, if we are children, then we can't possibly take care of you. If can get herself out of the house in case of a fire, leave and go stay at the other house a few days. You and your children can't live this way.
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Move your mother out. Let Grandma, who has "nothing wrong with her" tar care of herself. "So sorry Grandma, but we can't live with you because of your unsanitary habits. We are unsafe here".

If there is really nothing wrong with her, she'll cope. Right?
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I can't say whether she has dementia, but that behavior is definitely not consistent with good mental health!

You cannot control her actions. You cannot control her attitudes. But you can control your own behavior. So can your mother control hers.

Why are you cooking in a kitchen that smells of pee? Why are you tolerating total lack of respect? Why are you "asking" her not to put clean clothes on a surface covered with pee?

Where do you live?

I suppose it depends on how the ownership of the house is structured, but insist she not be discharged from the hospital into your care.
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My mom is at the point where she done fighting her but thank you all. I’m gonna have her removed from my home. If she doesn’t wanna go to facility then she’ll have to call another family member I’ve made my mom aware of what’s going on & if she’s uncomfortable with it then she’s welcome to leave too. Thank you again! Needed outside advice before making a decision. Didn’t wanna be overdramatic.
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