Grandfather refuses to go out. Any suggestions?

I take care of my 98 year old Dad and believe me I know what your talking about. It is really quite healthy for them to get out and see new things and do new things but getting them to do so is not so easy. My Dad is still quite capable. He uses a walker, not a wheel chair and is still in his right mind thank God. But, getting him to go out is like moving a mountain. He is afraid he is going to mess his pants, or pee his pants. He is afraid of falling down and ending up in a nursing home. The last one really scares him because this has happened to almost all of his friends. I don't push any more, because at this age I feel he deserves to do exactly what he wants. I know this is hard on you but try to remember that what your boyfriend is doing is a kind and honorable thing, you are blessed to have such a man in your life. Is it possible for you to relocate some place closer? If not then I would try to find someone to stay with grandpa for a weekend once in a while. Check his insurance and see if it covers in home care. I hope you find a solution but remember this is his family and you have to respect their wishes.

At 92 yrs. this "boyfriend" must be in his 60s or 70s to have a grandfather that old (or is he that old?) If he is in a wheelchair, he can be lifted into a car and driven anywhere without his consent and he may even enjoy the ride. If that doesn't work, find another boyfriend, don't see him as often, or stick with the same routine. This all depends on what you are willing to cope with and how long you want to do this.

First of all, I am now 70, my mom is 94, and I became her full-time caregiver two years ago this November. By the way the grandson (your boyfriend) is probably in his 40s, so this is also the prime of his life. This is among the most difficult of situations. You might inquire FIRST about your community's senior day care center. Most towns have one. They are free or based upon donations--maybe just $3 or $4. Meals-on-Wheels provides one or two meals daily for a SUGGESTED donation of $4 per meal. I was getting my mom one meal 5 day per week and generally donated $75 per week. I hired a lady at $12 per hour to come once each week to bathe and sit with my mom. I am fearful about bathing mom as she is VERY fragile. Now I fear she needs to be in assisted living, as I have to go back to work and she cannot be left alone all day -- or at all. If you go to assisted living, then the place will take the g/pa's soc. sec. and other benefits in order to cover costs. If there is a greater charge than the money g/pa has, there is generally a Medicaid situation. It is not ideal, but sometimes there is not much of a choice. I am going to do my best to have mom remain in a caring, safe, happy place for as long as possible. THIS IS A SACRIFICE, no matter how you look at it. But in the end, you will both be happy to have done this. You and your b.f. are really able to handle this. I mean, gee, the g/pa is of the generation that was away at war for up to a year at a time...with no computers, or FaceTime or e-mail. The loved ones managed to cope with all of it, including war work, victory gardens, and rationing.

The problem here isn't that the grandfather won't go out. The problem is that the grandson needs someone else to help take care of him. Nobody can do this alone.

I had a similar situation with my mom. But it wasn't because she didn't want to go out. It was because she was wheel chair bound and I couldn't get her in and out of my SUV. With some excersises we have been able to strengthen her to just stand and I am now able to manuver her to get into the car and now we can go out for an afternoon at the mall. Now my mother-in-law was healthy but refused to go out AT ALL. So in order to get her out of the house I had to tell her she had a Dr.'s appt. Once I got her in the car, then We went where ever and she was happy to see the sites and be outside her house.

God Bless the Grand son is what I say, and you should be looking at what he is doing instead of how it interferes with your life. He is a good man to take on such a large challenge, it is selfless really. People do get afraid when they get older and how blessed is the grandfather to have someone to regard him, I think you need to redirect you question to how can I help my wonderful boyfriend. Laugh a lot than cry

Is Grandfather a veteran? There may be services available through the VA for him which can give you some relief.

What difference does it matter how old (or young) the grandson is??? My Dad is almost 88 and has a 20 year old grandson!!!

lynne281, I know what you mean by no one else will take care of him, but that is not literally true. What if he didn't have a grandson?

What VA help has he applied for? Has he applied for/would he be eligible for Medicaid? If Grandpa has $5,000 a month he should use it for a care center. If he doesn't he should apply for Medicaid.

Your BF probably cannot force GP into a care center, but BF can certainly make his own decisions. He can decide that a year is all he can offer and that he is going to return to you. And once he makes this decision, then GP will have some tough reality to face.

BF's tough reality is he must choose between building and nurturing the relationship he has with you and continuing to take sole care of grandpa. You or Grandpa. Tough choices.

It is possible, of course, to combine the two. BF moves back with you and moves GP into a care center near you, so he is able to visit and advocate for the old guy. Sounds like a good solution to me, but if GP won't cooperate, tough choices must be made. (And why should GP be in any frame of mind to cooperate, when he has what he wants now?)

Hello,
I was dealing with a similar situation with my grandmother. What my husband and I decided to do was, tell her that the were coming to fumigate the house and that we all had to get out, we explained it was only for an hour and then we'll come right back. Although she gets very hesitant at first she goes with it. Once outside we'll walk around, or even take her for ice cream or a meal. It might sound silly and I know it can become overwhelming but it might just work like it did for us. I'm 24 and my husband 25 we've been caring for my grandmother (89) for 8 months so I know how difficult it can be.
Stay strong and, hope this helps.: )