Grandfather refuses to go out. Any suggestions?

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My boyfriend moved in with his grandpa last year to take care of him. We all thought it may be a temporary situation as it was 3 hours away. His grandfather is 92 and is wheelchair bound. We have tried to make the best of the situation and I drive there most weekends to be with him. However my boyfriend would like to come home once in awhile with his grandfather but he refuses to go which forces my boyfriend to be stuck as he cannot leave his grandpa alone. This is hard for us as i have responsibilities where i can't always leave to go three hours away. Caregivers are hard to find in his small town and if available are costly. I think that my boyfriend should force the issue but he does not. What are others thoughts?

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Hello,
I was dealing with a similar situation with my grandmother. What my husband and I decided to do was, tell her that the were coming to fumigate the house and that we all had to get out, we explained it was only for an hour and then we'll come right back. Although she gets very hesitant at first she goes with it. Once outside we'll walk around, or even take her for ice cream or a meal. It might sound silly and I know it can become overwhelming but it might just work like it did for us. I'm 24 and my husband 25 we've been caring for my grandmother (89) for 8 months so I know how difficult it can be.
Stay strong and, hope this helps.: )
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Could you please tell me how we can apply for this?
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Did you ever think of importing someone to look after GP? If he is a vet, he can draw about $1800 per month to go toward medical care that is not covered by insurance. Maybe someone who lives in a large city nearby would like to work weekends so BF could be "off duty". $1800 would cover that. Don't give up! Where there's a will, there's a way. If somebody would drive over to the house on Friday PM and leave Sunday PM and take $300 for GP sitting for 2 days that would not be unreasonable.
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lynne281, I know what you mean by no one else will take care of him, but that is not literally true. What if he didn't have a grandson?

What VA help has he applied for? Has he applied for/would he be eligible for Medicaid? If Grandpa has $5,000 a month he should use it for a care center. If he doesn't he should apply for Medicaid.

Your BF probably cannot force GP into a care center, but BF can certainly make his own decisions. He can decide that a year is all he can offer and that he is going to return to you. And once he makes this decision, then GP will have some tough reality to face.

BF's tough reality is he must choose between building and nurturing the relationship he has with you and continuing to take sole care of grandpa. You or Grandpa. Tough choices.

It is possible, of course, to combine the two. BF moves back with you and moves GP into a care center near you, so he is able to visit and advocate for the old guy. Sounds like a good solution to me, but if GP won't cooperate, tough choices must be made. (And why should GP be in any frame of mind to cooperate, when he has what he wants now?)
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On another note, yes I am VERY proud of my bf for what he has done for his grandpa. Before he left he told me that he wouldn't go of I didn't want him to. I could never do that and I didn't. I really do not mean to come off as selfish. I am sorry if that is how that appeared. I am a single mom and it is very difficult to leave every weekend to see him no matter how much I want to. It is a huge stress because my bf is in a small town where the only people he really knows are the therapists that come by once in awhile to check in. I might add that gf had a hip replacement last year and he has never really recovered from this. He has never regained his ability to walk again even with a walker.
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Yes we are in the USA and his grandpa is a WW 2 veteran but the VA does nothing! YES we are in a committed relationship but the circumstances are beginning to take its toll on us and i am really sad. We do not own a home tigether. We are in our early 40s. Getting someone to help is almost impossible or unaffordable. His grandpa pretty much refuses to leave his home.
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There is absolutely no one else willing to take care of him except for my boyfriend. That is the reason my boyfriend moved down there so to avoid putting him In a nursing home. A nursing would cost him around 5000 a month. My boyfriend really thought he was doing right by him. Now I Fear It Will Be The Demise Of Our RELATIONSHIP. :( they live in a as small town with little resources.
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Time is right now to find an assisted living community close to you.
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The problem here isn't that the grandfather won't go out. The problem is that the grandson needs someone else to help take care of him. Nobody can do this alone.
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First of all, I disagree with the assumption about your bf's age. My son was 26 when his grandmother was 92. We both had later in life children. I was born when Mother was 35 and my son was born when I was 30.
Kudos to your bf whatever his age, but the problem still exists. I always suggest checking care for caregivers. There are a wealth of potential caregivers all the way from live in to part time. Even in the small town, there's still the possibility they there will be just the right person. We LOVE our caregiver that we got. I could not find anybody except through agencies and they were EXPENSIVE and unsatisfactory. Give it a shot.
If you can't find anybody through them, check the local churches. Many have outreach programs and would be happy to have the opportunity to "witness" by helping out a family in need.
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