Going through clothes and stuff. Any tips?

Do a bit day by day. Try to focus on the day. I've been working on this over a three year period.
It seemed overwhelming at first.

If the stuff means a lot to you, take pictures of it to keep and look at later. Then get rid of it.

Does your mom have any charitable organizations that are special to her? I understand, I'm the same way. Feeling a 'loss' of the mom who wore the nice clothes, etc. My dad's clothes are in the same place and he passed 6yrs ago. A few years ago we donated several boxes of items to the Cancer Society & DAV. It felt good being able to help those in need.

If the clothes are not something she will wear again, then I would just keep plugging through and clean out the fancy stuff and the stuff that is too complicated for her to wear anymore. Yes, it's sad and a reminder of the mom that she no longer is.

If the clothes are not something she will wear again, then I would just keep plugging through and clean out the fancy stuff and the stuff that is too complicated for her to wear anymore. Yes, it's sad and a reminder of the mom that she no longer is.

Good reminder that I need to do more of this with my mom's stuff too. I've been waiting for a rainy day when I'm home to start clearing more stuff out - there's too much in her room and makes it hard for her to find things and organize.

I went through all of my mom’s clothes and possessions doing the deciding on what to do with them. It was sad, can’t blame you for your feelings on that. What helped was finding a local women's treatment facility, one that admitted residents who were in bad situations. Some had recently been released from prison, some had been through domestic violence, some were recovering from addiction to alcohol or drugs. The director told us that many arrived with only the clothes they had on and having my mom’s clothing would be a huge blessing. They would have new purpose and life. Knowing mom’s things would be useful gave me peace. I hope you can find the same

My suggestion is just "DO IT". Set yourself a schedule like: Monday clean out tall dresser; Tuesday clean out closet #1; Wednesday clean out night tables, etc. Keeping a tight schedule will keep you from dithering and reminiscing about everything. Go with your first gut reaction - keep, donate, pitch. Realize that there will be some very special items that will go into the keep pile even though they won't be used but limit yourself to 2-3 items per day in that category. AND most importantly, take the donate items to the donation center at the end of each day. Otherwise you'll go through the process all over again as you pack them up to donate. I did this on a full 3,000 sq ft house in just over a month. I worked on one floor at a time - a week per floor. It was hell, but when it was over I realized I felt so much better. AND there have only been a couple of things that I now wish I hadn't gotten rid of. I never thought that I could do this but when I did I felt so much better. Doing it a little at a time just prolongs the agony. My system is like ripping off the bandaid and the relief when it's over is so good.

As jkm says just DO IT. All my Mom needed by the time she entered an AL and then NH was slacks, tops, bras and socks. And a couple of pairs of shoes.

You need to harden yourself. There is no need for fancy dresses, where is she going to wear them? If you want, save one or two, just in case. Pick slacks and tops easy to get on and off. My Mom went up and down in her weight so I kept 2 sizes of clothing, she had Thyroid problems. I had winter and Summer. Shoes, comfortable ones. No heels because of balance problems. Maybe keep one or two nice pairs for just in case. Coats, maybe different weights.

What I suggest is piles. The definite getting rid of pile. The not so sure pile and the definitely keeping pile.

The definite getting rid pile take to a charity or a box right away.

The not sure of pile put in totes or boxes.

The definite you hang back up. In a few months, bring out the not sure box and go thru again. Same with everything else in her home. But that can be done over a period of time.

My Mom had a friend who loved giving her nick nacks. My Mom hated nick nacks. But she put her friends up on a a shelf to display. Also on display were gifts given her with 50yrs anniversary on them. I could not throw them away but I also did not want them. TG I found a thrift shop who made displays out of things like this.

Do you have internet access? Many Googling ideas will help you decide, but don't spend too much time downsizing to save pain doing it. Any special things want to keep your mother can remember?

Good Morning,

If you want your neighbors to love you donate all of the clothing to the "Buy Nothing Project". In turn, tell your mother how much she is helping others and in the meantime you are building Community in your neighborhood.

I buy all Mom's clothes on Lands End "on sale". Pull up elastic-waist deep pocket pants and they sell "petit" so the hems are perfect. I buy 3-4 pair and 3-4 pull over comfortable tops. In turn I let Mom choose from (2) options.

Good quality shoes with no laces and durable slippers when Mom gets up to go to the bathroom.

1/2 of Mom's wardrobe went missing in action during the Pandemic with hospital stays and rehabs. Ralph Lauren, Edie Bauer, again I shop on sale.
The furniture I gave to the people I see on a daily basis, the grounds people who treat my mother better than her own sons do. They are young couple's starting out and I "gave" them a high buoy, sleigh bed, etc. You have to have a clear pathway so Mom won't trip over anything. Basically, you are setting the house up for a "safe discharge."

When you are focused on your loved one, you even think about the materialism.

Again, with the clothing check out the "Buy Nothing Project" and tell you neighbor wear them in good health!

Amen...

My mom had a lot of clothes. She lived around 10 years from diagnosis. Just remember that when she gets farther along, shopping will be difficult. If you have some space, consider holding on to the classic styles. I boxed mom's clothes by season and stocked her new closet with a smaller selection to cover 2 weeks in her facility. As things wore out, I tossed and replaced from the box.
FYI you may see other posts about missing items at MCs. This is a good reason to hold onto some of the clothes

I too am in the ongoing process of downsizing clothing and unnecessary household items for my mother. The worse part of it is that she is constantly claiming "these clothes aren't mine, they belong to someone else" Constantly saying her clothing is in the basement; it isn't.
I handle it by not fighting with her but when I take clothing into the laundry some things don't go back upstairs. Eventually out of sight will become out of mind fir your mother. My tip is to go slowly with a few things at first, eventually eliminating what is not needed. My mother too was a clothes horse and always took great care in matching and accessorizing her outfits. With that in mind I try to make nice coordinating outfits that are easy to get on and off for her. Since many of her items are good and useful I donate them and console myself in the knowledge that someone else will be able to use them. One thing I would say is that we also are selling some items of value and we put this money back into her funds and this provides for the extra care that she needs as her condition has deteriorated. That eases a financial burden too so it makes sense all around. Another benefit is that keeping her house clean and safe is easier without a lot of clutter too. We eliminated furniture from some bedrooms on the second floor; no one uses them and she is physically confined to the first floor so it makes sense. In the long run as our parents pass on there will be less to attend to if we start slowly letting go of unneeded things now. Wishing the best for you and your mother.

I also found it difficult to do this while my mother (and my aunt) were living, and waited until it was necessary, as it is for your mother right now. The immediate need is to make space for caregiver(s). You need to clear out one of the bedrooms for the caregiver and a closet, leaving only essentials, like basic furniture: a bed, a dresser, a desk, a chair. The other things can wait until later, if you are having emotional difficulties doing it now. Sometimes it's helpful to have a friend or relative with you to help make decisions about things. If you feel that it is appropriate, you can ask your caregiver(s) if they want any of the things that you will be discarding. If your mother has valuable things you might want to have an estate appraiser come in to value them, and perhaps take some things to sell them, or if they can't sell them, to sell them on your own. If people will be coming to your mother's home, lock up the valuables and personal papers, especially financial papers. Now is a good time to set up her accounts paperless with online access (for you only), where possible. Ask her credit card company to issue a credit card on her account with your name on it so that you can purchase things for her. Don't share the credit card with the caregivers. Give them cash as needed for daily expenses and ask for receipts. All the best to you and your mother.

Lakegirl1, when the time comes to downsize some of your Mom's things in her home, I learned one thing here on this forum that was a huge help.... swap out items.

Example, my Mom had some pudding dishes that I loved, I wouldn't use in the kitchen but they were a perfect size for paperclips. So I "swapped out" the containers I was using for those paperclips for those pudding dishes. I swapped out lamps my parents had that I liked and donated my own lamps that had no special meaning for me. Even swapped out wastebaskets. And book ends, as my folks had some really unusual looking ones.

My Mom loved Lands End clothing and so did I. We were the same size so some of Mom's clothes became my hand-me-downs. Another place I found really nice clothes was on-line ShopNational, Both Mom and I liked their products.

Back when I was working full-time, one of my co-workers use to shop at Goodwill. She was a crafty free spirit girl, and she would come into work beaming wearing her newest item she found at Goodwill. Her smile said it all :)

Personally I am avoiding dealing with the problem. It is a bit overwhelming. I always have a hope thing will change but reality says no. I suppose at some point I will take everything and donate it. Her niece and sister are coming in a couple of weeks perhaps we can start if someone else is making the toss or keep decisions.

Seek out the services of a grief therapist and a hoarding therapist; they can't help your mom, but they can help you.

Once you have the clothes that your Mom needs to take with her, then STOP. Wait to do the rest after she has become a resident and she’s not there to notice - or weigh you down with (quite as much) grief as you go through her things.

It’s a very difficult task ahead. Is there really a chance she’ll come home? If so, just cut through the clutter. If not, no sense having to do this task twice. But either way, you can do this!

Remember the clothes are not Mum. Just as children out grow their clothes, Mum has moved past needing many of her clothes.

She needs clothing that meets her current needs, not fancy dress or high style.

My beautiful god mother, had lovely clothes and was always well turned out. But as her shape changed due to Osteoporosis, she could no longer wear many items. So she passed them along to someone who could use them. Her tailored slacks gave way to elastic waistbands, her smart blazers to cardigans.

Grief catches us off guard and in funny ways. And it can stop us in our tracks. Yes, we can grieve while someone is still living. We grieve for the person they were, and are sad when we see who they have become.

I have been clearing out closets too. Dad is still alive, but will never visit the cabin again. He also is a hoarder, so my grief is mixed with anger. For each item that went into the donation pile another went right into the garbage. So many pairs of slacks hanging in a closet with rips, stains, not even wearable for working in the garden.

Do you have a friend or can you hire a declutterer who can help you complete this task?

With victims of fire, floods, etc. consider that you are helping your mom make donations. Downsize her clothing collection to 2-3 weeks of warm weather clothes and 2-3 weeks of cold weather clothes. Pick out 2-3 outfits that she really looks good in for special occasions. Then, donate the rest to women's shelters or resource centers for women. Those places will make sure mom's clothes help women in need.

Try to think of of this way…all her stuff is a burden now. She was happy at one time in her nice things and she enjoyed them. Now those same things are just not feasible. You are grieving what your mom was. And that’s ok and it’s totally normal. Now she is ailing and older and will have a different life. That’s ok too. That’s normal too.

Im wondering about your statement that she may return home. If it’s dementia, it’s unlikely she will return home, unless you have multiple full time caregivers for her. Even if she did return home, dressy clothes will need to be replaced with comfortable clothes that are easy to get on and off.

Try to get into the mindset you are ridding her of the burden of having too much stuff. Simplifying will be a relief for you both.

My husband was always a fantastic dresser. When he got Alzheimer’s, he’d stand in the closet just overwhelmed at all his things. He has trouble decide
ing what to wear and what went with what. So in trying to decide, his “castoffs” went into the laundry basket. It didn’t take me too long to figure out A. Why it was taking him so long to get dressed and B. Why I had so much laundry! We donated many things to charity. Clearing out the closet helped us both.

Just keep telling your self you are alleviating the burden of excess. Good luck!

When my father was going to AL my daughter and I started to go through his clothing. We found Christmas presents of new clothing still in the Christmas boxes. So much stuff. I asked him to go through things and pick what he wanted to bring. Another mistake. He wanted to do a fashion show and try on each and every item for me to look at. I'm a get-er-done type of girl. I am surprised my head didn't explode during this.

Lakegirl1: Although my mother did not suffer from dementia, I did pick over a lot of her items while I lived out of state with her in her home. Downsizing then became easier at this late stage in my mother's life. My mother routinely purged out items during her life as well. My mother could not afford her Alfred Dunner clothing that she so loved, but I treated her to a few outfits. She no longer went many places so she didn't require a lot of clothing. Best of luck at this most difficult time in your life, Lakegirl.

When my brother and I were cleaning out my mother’s house after she went to MC, I have to say, cleaning out her bedroom/closets, was the most emotionally draining job for me. There were so many memories wrapped up in her clothing and other personal items. I pulled out all the clothes that she wouldn’t need in MC and donated them. I saved all the comfortable pull on knit pants and shirts. I know our situation was a little different because my mother wasn’t able to go back home, but one thing to think about is that your mom may not notice as much as you think. You might hang on to a couple of dressy outfits but, for the most part, she will be living in the moment and needing to wear the comfortable clothes that you keep for her, on a daily basis. Sending hugs to you and praying for a smooth transition.

I had a box of my mom's clothes in my garage after she moved to memory care. I dragged my feet on going through it. I didn't understand why until one day I was home from work and pulled the box out. I cried so hard going through it all because the woman who used to wear such beautiful clothing was no longer here. So many have already given advice to donate them to charity, etc. So I won't go through all of that, but all I can offer is to give yourself the time to grieve. Sit and have yourself a good cry, remember the wonderful person she used to be and then push through it and finish going through the clothes. You will continue to grieve through this process because it's hard and there are so many stages you and your mom will go through. This site and support groups are great. Talk to your friends and family about it and know that you're not alone. Hang in there and good luck.

Be ruthless.
Work quickly, but not missing lunch.
One hour at a time.
Drink water as you take a break.

Go thru every pocket. There is money in there.

Put all the clothes in a big plastic bag.

Have someone coming by to pick up the clothes.

If the fancy stuff is clothing she remembers wearing, perhaps during an important event, consider keeping one or two items. If she helps with laundry, she can put things away with you and share a memory. Or if she is still aware maybe she'll just enjoy looking through them.
It's funny what people find interesting when they get dementia. That said, when I see his gray suit, I think of the wedding my husband was in about 5 years ago that involved light sabers and Superman music. So there's that.
Good idea waiting, too. You never know what she may realize is gone. I found that when we tried to ask my step-dad's opinion on down-sizing he rarely wanted to let go of anything and it just caused tension and arguments until we just removed something. He often didn't even mention the item again.

My dad had dementia. In the couple of weeks to a month before he went into an AFH, every time he would take a nap or go to the bathroom (he would spend up to an hour in there) I would put things in boxes for Value Village and take them out to the car. Not stuff I knew he would need or care about, but stuff that had no use to him and was still something that someone could use. It helped a little...he passed away in mid September, and until this weekend (when it was rainy so I'm not making the 3+ hour journey to his place to continue cleaning) I've been going at it every weekend for 10+ hours a day when I'm there (I'm not retired). It is indeed a lot of work when they are hoarders.

My sister and I kept one or two articles of clothing that reminded us of him, and the rest I gave away to charity or friends (camo gear, as he hunted a few years ago). If you can't bear parting with a lot, try taking a picture of the item(s) so you can look at them later. Sometimes that works to where you feel you can part with it now.

Bag or box some of it up, winter vs summer, if you can store some. When mom moved into M C, some of her things went missing and I was able to replace from her stored items.

I just this week donated shirts of my Husbands that had been in a back bedroom closet.
Thing is he died 6 years ago and for at least 10 years prior to that did not wear most (99%) of these shirts. so I held on to them far longer than I should have So I get where you are at this point. (actually you are doing better than I did)
And...this past week I did what I called a Swedish Invalid Cleaning. Slightly less thorough than the Swedish Death Cleaning. But I did get rid of a lot of stuff..much of it my Husbands clothes and some of mine.
All I can say is box up stuff that "hurts" to get rid of. Close the box, seal it, DATE it with a note on it to "DO NOT OPEN, DONATE ANYTIME AFTER JAN 20, 2024" . That way you have done the hard part, you went through it and what you do not want now no doubt you will not want in a year.
If there are items you want or other family members want hand them out now. If someone hems and haws about it, they can store it for a year.

Fancy clothes or "vintage" clothes you might want to see if a local High School Theater group would want them or a local Theater might be interested in them for costumes.
Items that might be good for work could be donated to a Women's Shelter they can be used as they prepare women for job interviews.

Donate the unneeded clothes and let someone else enjoy them, a woman's shelter might be a good place to donate to.

I am a donator. who believes in helping others, I donate to a local woman's shelter and they sell the items at their thrift store.

Packing the stuff away resolves nothing except to take up space in the garage and your head, what was... is no longer.

I would work on me, as acceptance is the key word in order not to remain stuck.

There will be many more important hurdles to overcome, hard decisions to make, you must prepare as nothing in life remains constant it either gets better or worse and with aging, if she already needs extra care you are on the path towards worse.

Prepare yourself mentally, forget about the material things. in the end they mean nothing.