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So we agreed on a scattering plan for my mom's remains. Not 24 hours later, no can do. Put mom in a walmart bag, poke holes and walk around where dogs sh*t. I am reeling from this, really. I cannot be the only person who finds this just appalling.

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Did you happen to see the episode of the show ‘Mom’ where they swap out ashes with kitty litter? I would do just that and let the asses spread the litter over the dog poop. You then get to keep your Moms remains and do the right thing. Sorry, you can’t pick your relatives. Don’t I know that pain oh too well.
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Segoline Jun 21, 2019
I think I am misreading your post.
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Sorry you are going through this with your family. Unfortunately it seems like everyone has at least one family member that shows there hind quarters in any difficult situation. Even only children seem to have an aunt or an in law to fit bill.

Is it possible for you to swipe the ashes and keep them for a more dignified and private shattering?
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Yes, JoAnn,
there are laws about spreading ashes.

The Park Ranger knocked at our door one day, came to teach us how to do trail maintnance, learning about berms, etc. He said to bring the cremains of our dog we had been keeping, not knowing what to do with them.

There in the beautiful redwoods, just off the trails, my Lily-dog was released with a thank you prayer to God for her time on this earth.
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Shane1124 Jun 23, 2019
I am very sorry about your Lilly.
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Seg, I am so sorry your family is acting up in such a way in regards to spreading your Mom's ashes, it's just horrible. If your Mom had a plan in mind for the spreading of her ashes, then I would follow that plan and honor her.

On a different note, a very close friend of mine just passed away after a long battle with Pancreatic Cancer, and it was her desire to have little bits her ashes put into tiny blue envelopes with her name in them, that were given out to all her friends and family at her memorial service, with the instructions to spread her ashes in all the beautiful places her friends visited over the course of the next year, as she was a very adventurous spirit. Some people spread them, and others just left the envelope and took a beautiful picture of it in a beautiful place.

My friends Facebook page has been kept open, and folks have been posting the pictures and their tributes to this special lady, and reading all the stories has really warmed my heart.

I think it's a lovely way to honor her, and truly shows the Love and Respect that everyone had for her.

I just wanted to share that with you, as doing something like this might be a way folks could do something in their own way, and it would take the pressure off of you, and then they could celebrate your Mom as they see fit, that is if you believe that they would do so, and then you could do your own memorial and tribute your way with your part of your Mom's ashes.

Please remember, your Mom is now gone, and her ashes are but a small piece of what remains. Your memories are your own, and you will always hold them close to your heart. Honor her in a way that makes sense for you, and if you have to share them with other relatives, then let them honor her in their own way too. Still, I don't think it is unreasonable for you to request that they be respectful and and that stupid comments about "dispensing" her ashes in such a rude manner be stopped. No one wants to hear such trashy talk when they have only just lost their beloved Mother. If they are that rude and childish, I would be hesitant to give them any part of my Mom's ashes also!

I'm sorry they are behaving so badly, and I hope you find a good solution. Take Care of yourself! Hugs!
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JoAnn29 Jun 22, 2019
Sorry, but don't think I'd want an envelope of ashes. We had MILs shipped fro FLA. I put her Urn on top of the entertainment center. My DH freaked out. So I covered it with the pouch that was sent with it.
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And hey,I got new plan. Museum. Two churches. Schools she taught at in early career. House she last lived in. Two parks.shipping some yo cousin to spread where much family located. But before all, a minister at her church to bless her remains. I will attend myself. In the church. It was important to her. So I am doing right thing I hope by her. I have been shredding documents since last night and all day today. Ran across last wishes numerous times. We have fulfilled none, but cremation. So I will do,my best to fill in gaps.

Eta. This may sound creepy. But 3 years ago my best doggie ever died. He worshipped his grandma and she, him. I am sending him too with her. Stay with grandma. He will, too. He loved that woman. Adored her.
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Shane1124 Jun 23, 2019
No it doesn’t sound creepy. Lord knows I have loved my dogs more than I loved people in my family, lol. My boy Shane passed away 2 y/o on 6/14.
I may need a puppy after all this over (my brother just passed). Happiness is puppy breath.
Hang in there, Sego! You don’t have to decide yet. Take a week or two to just relax...
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I am just mortified. 3 Guardian ship attempts. 3. Of them. Guess who bailed? Not me. God. Not only have I lost my mom, I have lost my sibling. This is just awful. Really awful.
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worriedinCali Jun 21, 2019
(((Big hug))) it’s gonna be ok Seg. This is a very difficult time. Take care of yourself!
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Ok so help me. Because my family is gaslight central. It is not just me, right? I have minimized this like you would not believe. You would find this appalling, right. I am not over reacting. Gah.
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BlackHole Jun 22, 2019
Nope. It’s not you. They are deranged.
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Is your sister asking this? Otherwise who else but her children should decide.
No one has a right to say that to you, especially at this time. Do with her ashes what you feel in your heart is respectful. And right now you don’t really have to decide anything. It’s too fresh.
My brother died June 8. I’m in no shape to make major decisions as his death was unexpected.

She was your mother & what is done with her ashes should be either what your mom designated or what your sister & you decide.

Don’t let anyone bully you.

Grieving is so hard. I hope your days get better.
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So sorry you have this situation.

My Aunt's ashes were supposed to be gently dispensed in a beautiful garden she had chosen.

The reality was we weren't 100% sure it was the right garden, the bag looked suspicious so I think it did end up being a plastic bag with holes. The wind was an issue too.

NOT how we wanted & left feeling very flat.

My Dad choose to go home & plant a tree or bush instead.

My sil has a piece of jewellery made with some ashes in fir her Dad.

I'd say, overwrite that bad memory & make a special memory/remembrance for yourself - your way
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We are all full of weakness and errors; let us mutually pardon each other our follies. Voltaire
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AnnReid Jun 23, 2019
I have LITERALLY WORKED on forgiving, and wholeheartedly seek it. Some days are harder than others.
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