Giving up caregiving, am I wrong?

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I have posted several times about my situation. My bro has banned me from seeing or talking to my mom. I did take care of her 6 years ago along with caring for her BF. No one helped or called or even asked how things were going. My si flat out said she would never take care or our parents. My bro lets my sister off by saying, "There's always one in the family." But he expects me to do the sole care giving. My mom and her BF lived with me for that 6 years. I kicked the BF out because of abusing narcotic drugs. My mom chose to live with him. A year later they moved down by me and my sibs. I did everything, docs, Rep. Payee, shopping and anything else my mom needed. I wouldn't do for the BF. (Long story) My mom's BF went into the hospital and my bro calls and tells me to go over and watch my mom. For 3 weeks I had my bro come over in the evening where I could go home for a couple hours, eat and sleep. I had to tell my bro and sis I couldn't do it anymore. I have a mental illness and am on disability for it. I threw the whole thing in my sibs lap. As punishment, I can't see or speak to my mom. Am I wrong for giving up her caregiving? I know if I went back to say I would help with my mom I would be where I started from. I would be sole caregiver. I can't wrap my head around why is there life more important than mine. I cared for my mom's mom for 2 years before she passed away. My sis didn't have a place to live so I opened my house to her. She just paid utilities. We couldn't get along as she was telling me what I could or couldn't do in my house so I moved out. For 2 years. Then I told her I needed my house back. She was NOT happy. All my life I've been made to feel guilty and do everything no one else in my family wanted to do. My mom is my best friend. I haven't seen her in 2 months. Last time I talked to her and told her I loved her, she cried. My bro considered that drama so I can't see her anymore. My family is very dysfunctional. My bro raped me as a child for over 4 years and my father molested my sis for most of her childhood. I've called agencies and the police and an attorney and they say without my mom's address there is nothing they can do. I'm at my wits end. I tried to take care of her again but I'm 50 years old and have been doing everything my family has told me to most all of my life. I'm venting and need some advice or encouragement or to be told how wrong I am. I'm beating myself up over this. At this point, I don't think I will ever see my mom again.

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Yogi, you are indeed. You and your mother are connected on a soul level. You can "call" her through your prayers and love. I think it would be beneficial for you to also strengthen your communication line to your Divine Mother, or to Christ, or whoever you call your God. By tuning in to that greatest love, that greatest friend, you will never be lonely again. He or She is within you and all around you. Pray that your siblings find their way back to God and goodness, and try to release your pain in God's loving hands. Use your time to tune in to your God and yourself and the God within yourself. Dispite all your trials you have so much love! Maybe this is the time to go within and love that great Beloved within. As an added benefit, I am sure God will answer your prayer in some way, connecting you again with your mother. May you find peace and strength in your efforts, and have faith in His mysterious ways. Connect with nature, with your love of something: dance, Tai Chi, meditation, something...
Let go of the attachment and God will nurture you and answer your prayers.
Many hugs and blessings.
Judy
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Now you brought tears to my eyes. Not sad tears. Tears that all I went through is now being shared with my niece and nephews. None whom I am close to. And yes, til my dying day, I will know and stand up for the truth. I have not heard of Joyce Meyers but I shall check out her program. I believe this is the first time that I have held my head up high and do not feel any shame. Thank you to all of you who on this thread and other threads have listened to my story and have given me your support. Joan ((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))) and Blessings to you all!
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(((((Yogi)))) no pity, but I am very touched that someone who has been and is going through what you have and are is standing up on the side of truth. God gives us all a purpose, and, yes, He is blessing you. I do think you will be able to move forward from this. You are a survivor of incest and you can say that proudly, and hold your head high. Do you ever watch Joyce Meyers on TV? She is a survivor of incest too, and her life has been blessed. I am so glad that you are letting the victim syndrome go. huge( ((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))) Joan
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Joan, no need for tears. I have cried oceans of them and I am still here. I don't want pity just validation. I honestly don't think my niece or nephews will believe me. It will all be written off as me being angry that their father (my bro) won't let me see/talk to my mom. I KNOW the TRUTH. They can take it or leave it but I KNOW Iwhat did is RIGHT. I do feel that this will help me to start healing and to finally move forward in my life. God has given me a purpose in life. I don't know if this is what it's supposed to be or not. But I know He is Blessing me. Thank you, Joan. I am a survivor of incest!!!!!! No longer wanting or needing the victim syndrome. Thank you for your prayers, I am sure God will answer them.
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(((((yogi))))) your post brought tears to me eyes. You have done the right thing and you know it. I am very proud of you. Keeping the family secrets is horrible -much better to get them out on the table. You have no reason to feel ashamed or guilty, but I know it comes with the experience you had. You are a courageous youmg woman, and this must be healing for you, and so important for your nieces and nephew's children's safety. My prayers are with you. God bless. (((((hugs))))) Joan
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Yes, I say talk to an eldercare lawyer.
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I have been going to counseling for several weeks, talking to my uncle, talking with friends and I spoke to a pastor. Each has pretty much said the same thing to me only in their own words. They told me I have two choices. Risk not ever seeing/talking to my mom again or protecting my great nieces and nephews to come. I know in my heart my bro will never let me talk/see my mom again so the decision was rather easy. I received a card from my niece and her husband. My bro's daughter. I wrote a letter to her wishing them the best and all that good stuff on the first page. I also wrote on the first page that I had been thinking for years and had sought out spiritual guidance of a matter that concered me greatly. I told her that I included a second page with the info telling her that she and her brothers could either read it, shred it or not read it. However, if they chose to read it they can never not know what they learn. On the second page I told them that their father raped me as a child and that their grandfather molested thier aunt (my sister) when she was a child. I told them that I was tired of secrets and they needed to know the truth about their immediate family and extended family. I said that I am NOT saying that either of them will do anything to their children when they have them but I also wouldn't be able to not feel guilty if something happened to their children and I didn't let them know. I told them I didn't want them to change their feelings for their father or grandfather but they needed to know the truth. My sis's son was told by my sis that my father molested her so my nephew keeps a close eye on his two daughters. I didn't think it right that my other nephews and niece not know the potential for something to happen to their kids. I know in my heart I did the right thing. Furthermore, I am aware that I will be all the more ostracized from my family. If I can break this cycle of sexual abuse/incest then I will have done what I set out to do. My niece and nephews are in thier early 30's and mid 20's. It probably wasn't the greatest time of year to tell them but I need to stop feeling ashamed /guilty for something I didn't cause and educate my niece and nephews to be all the more vigilant. I've had guilt/shame for 41 years. Even with counseling it's a rough road to travel.
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I truly am in hopes that do to my brother raping me that the police might see the propensity that he could do it to my mom. Not that he necessarily would but there's no telling. Hopefully, I can convince them to do a welfare check on her and they can ask if she wants to see me. I know she'd say yes. My brother is just trying to block her and I from each other because I stopped taking over as the primary caregiver. My sis will have to figure out whether or not to report my father molesting her. I can't do that for her. You are right, things like that weren't talked about in the 70's. Supposedly my brother told his ex-wife but I don't know to what extent or details. His daughter will have kids one day and I don't know if he'd harm them or if my father would. He was a juvenile so he won't pay for it by the legal system. Only with the grace of God will he pay and with KARMA.
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I would definitely turn him in. You need closure and his family needs to be warned. I'm so sorry you went through that. Back then all was swept under the rug how awful it has affected your life. He should pay. He sounds like a dysfunctional evil person. And how sad he has your mom at his mercy. I know what you meant about Karma, he will pay sometime
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Yes, I have but it's like he's vanished off of the internet. I'm thinking of getting a disposable credit card to enter the info. I don't trust sites that you have to pay for to get the info.
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